Instead of shouting....

amother

NeonYellow

Wed, Jun 26 2024, 5:46 pm

I have young kids, all under 7.
We had a situation (bh im talking past tense) where whatever I said came with a 'no' response within a split second, they didnt even hear what I told them!

We did something very unique;
we told the kids that day that we will be holding a meeting tonight at 6:30 pm and then (after all the waiting time) had them sit down very properly, against the wall, feet in a pretzel, waited for serious faces... etc
we told them how much we love them and pointed out the strong points in each of them.
then we mentioned that there is an issue that comes up lately and we brought up the topic of not listening, saying no etc
we broke the news that going forward, if they want to say no, no problem, but the consequence will come and it will be the same, we will need to say no to something they ask for. you want water? no. you want a snack? no. a friend to play at our house? no
we concluded in a nice way saying how we are sure they will make the right changes and they are the best kids bla bla bla.

it didnt help immediately, they were so used to saying no, it was nuts.
for each no we got, we said "ok, I have credit for a no" and thats where the topic ended, no yelling, no missur. of course we had to follow through with the threat.... otherwise, no point.
after a day or 2 they really got the message, they realized what it means to ask for something and receive a no back.
I saw a major major change bh!
theyre not perfect, but the extreme situation we had previously, is gone! bh!
I hope this can work for others! please send me your feedback if you try it

amother

Geranium

Wed, Jun 26 2024, 5:56 pm

amother Hotpink wrote:

I strongly recommend taking the ( relatively inexpensive) parenting course by rabbi daniel whitman of lakewood
He as a student of rabbi yacobson of to spare the child
if you follow his mahalech, you will be changing what you are saying and by default it will change how you say it and you will never ever need to yell again
Been there done that
I didnt yell, I hollered
But I will say the course was transformative

How do I get info on this class?

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 8:53 am

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

OP, I really think what you're looking for is The Orange Rhino. Her book, her website, whatever. Someone mentioned it earlier on this thread. Have you looked at it?

I have the book and gone through it numerous times. maybe it's time to go through it again.
I don't remember her discussing alternative ways to get the kids to listen. I remember more about how to manage your own feelings and not shouting.

I think until that peice is solidified, I may always end up falling back to the yelling.