Feeling a bit hurt

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 6:00 am

watergirl wrote:

OP, I'd suggest you stop sending things. It's overboard and most people can not afford to reciprocate. If you can, try not to have an expectation that those you sent things to will send to you.

Not making a phone call - I hear that's disappointing and you should allow yourself to feel hurt so you can process it and move on.

Why would I not send something to a friend making a simcha?? That's the norm where I live. Maybe I'm from a different world but I try to make all major simchos my close friends are making. I've gone to many of their brisses, sent platters for kiddushes, gave baby presents, upsherins,etc

At the very least, if I knew a friend made a major simcha I would call and tell her mazel tov even if I couldn't make it.

↑ watergirl ↓

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 6:19 am

amother OP wrote:

If it's the norm where you are to send something, and people are not sending to you (as you said in your OP, they did not send), is it really the norm?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 6:25 am

watergirl wrote:

If it's the norm where you are to send something, and people are not sending to you (as you said in your OP, they did not send), is it really the norm?

These friends didn't. I got tons of stuff from others.

↑ watergirl

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 6:36 am

amother OP wrote:

These friends didn't. I got tons of stuff from others.

Ok. So my point seems to have been missed by you then which is fine. These friends - stop sending to them.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 6:43 am

watergirl wrote:

Ok. So my point seems to have been missed by you then which is fine. These friends - stop sending to them.

I did not miss your point at all actually. Most of us make a simcha once every couple years and by the next one I will decide what I want to do....

lamplighter

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 8:26 am

Im sorry your friends didn't show up for you in the way you wanted. It does sound strange to me that they didn't mention anything even if they couldn't come.
Did you ask them directly if they are planning to come?
How many friends are we talking?
There are ways to be dan lkaf zechus but no acknowledgement is pretty not cool either way.
I'm sorry.
I'm amazed that you are so in touch with your high school and sem friends so many years later.

amother

Anemone

Tue, Jun 25 2024, 7:47 pm

Just want to say that you never really know what your friends are going through.
I have gone through some really rough times in my life, both medically and emotionally/marriage, and I did not discuss it with friends or neighbors.
They saw me as smiley as ever, we shmoozed about the regular topics we shmooze abiut.

And there were many balls I dropped, like not attending a bar mitzvah, not sending dessert to a kiddush, not making a kimpeturin friend a meal.

But I was in crisis, and you wouldn't have known.

Hopefully your friends are all fine, but you have no idea if they or their spouse or children or parents are going through a physical, spiritual, or emotional crisis.

I think that what I've learned the most from my challenges is to be dan lekaf zechus. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors.