No sleepovers, change my view

amother

↑ cornflower

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:27 pm

amother Midnight wrote:

I remember having a sleepover with a friend in my house when I was 8. We locked the door so my mother shouldn't come in while we were jumping on the bed. My friend picked up her top to show her belly button and she asked me how mine looks so I picked up my shirt also. I still feel gross about it... If my kids want sleepovers it needs to be in my house with and doors cannot be locked.

Why? That sounds perfectly innocent.

amother

Lightyellow

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:28 pm

I grew up having sleepovers and allowed it without reservation with my older kids. However, I recently heard that there’s a strong recommendation from social workers not to allow girls or young boys to sleepover if there are older brothers in the house. Apparently there have been stories even in very strong homes. I never experienced or heard of anything bad happening when I was a kid and my own children never indicated anything. My experience tells me it should be fine but, hearing what professionals say, I’d really think twice about it.

Busybee5

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:31 pm

amother Lightyellow wrote:

My daughter's friend begged for a sleepover here (she's also my cousins daughter) her parents let her. They had a blast! I didn't lol. They were chatting until past 1am and I go to bed early normally. They weren't even 8 yet! A bit young and I'm not sure I'd allow it again. This was/is with older boys age 16 and younger...

Reenee

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:32 pm

I had loads of fun sleepovers as a young girl and teen and would love my kids to have similar memories.

My parents only sent to homes where they knew the parents, and knew they'd be home and they'd be AROUND - so it was all fun and I never even dreamed there was a risk.

Sleepaway camp on the other hand.... I had a friend who went and then had another girl start "touching" her in very unhealthy ways... So many days and so many ways and time to be alone and do stuff....

So I'm not getting this whole thing.

Also, I always thought the danger is of girls getting silly and starting to touch/show each other, etc. I never dreamed there is any danger of anyone's brother's being molesters or anything. Are there even any stories like that? I never heard of that.

↑ ectomorph

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:34 pm

amother Eggshell wrote:

Op, has your view been changed yet?

I'm not sure. I notice that a lot of people support sleepovers as a way of letting the kid fly the nest safely.

This makes sense to me and I'm very into giving my kids freedom.

But then the story of the mother whose daughter was accused and the horror stories... I dunno. I guess I'll see what's going on when it becomes relevant to my children.

amother

↑ Lightpink ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 8:54 pm

amother cornflower wrote:

Probably the same schools that ban outside of school activities left and right I assume.

My girls school doesn't really ban any outside of school activities, yet they put a ban on sleepovers this year after there was bad experience with one of the grades.

GLUE

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 9:46 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Do you mean trichotillomania? I do not believe that would be caused by information from a friend. Sorry not buying. That's a mental health condition. It's not contagious, it's not caused by instructions from a friend. You are unnecessarily blaming someone else for a condition that yes, was sent by Hashem.

This is what I was thinking when she mentioned professional hair puller,
my one year old niece taught my one year old son on how to pull hair, he doesn't pull his own hair just everyone else's.

amother

↑ Lightblue

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 10:16 pm

Reenee wrote:

Yes, I know of a girl who was molested by her friends’s father at a sleepover. These stories are rare but they do happen.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 10:39 pm

amother Jasmine wrote:

Goodness, even more overreach by the schools. This is a parent decision, not the schools.

It's creating a school culture
It's the parents choice of they want to send to this kind of school

amother

↑ Midnight

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 12:01 am

amother cornflower wrote:

Why? That sounds perfectly innocent.

Because I do not feel comfortable exposing my body. I do it when I need to for pregnancy but thats it. Would you think it's innocent to show the bre@st? or down there? For me feels like almost the same and I feel gross that I did it.

amother

↑ Lightpink

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 12:02 am

amother Midnight wrote:

You don't feel comfortable showing your body now, as an adult. This has nothing to do with what you did as a little kid. Little kids showing each other their belly button is so age appropriate & nothing alarming.

amother

↑ Topaz

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 1:12 am

GLUE wrote:

This is what I was thinking when she mentioned professional hair puller,
my one year old niece taught my one year old son on how to pull hair, he doesn't pull his own hair just everyone else's.

I'm not blaming, and I told dd the same.
But the fact remains, it wouldn't occur to my daughter to start pulling her hair out. That friend has a family history of trichotillomania, and literally showed dd what to do,and which hairs to choose, and she's been doing it since What

I really doubt she would start otherwise, but maybe she would've developed a different form of OCD.

amother

Jean

Sun, Jun 23 2024, 12:32 pm

[quote="Reenee"]I had loads of fun sleepovers as a young girl and teen and would love my kids to have similar memories.

My parents only sent to homes where they knew the parents, and knew they'd be home and they'd be AROUND - so it was all fun and I never even dreamed there was a risk.

Sleepaway camp on the other hand.... I had a friend who went and then had another girl start "touching" her in very unhealthy ways... So many days and so many ways and time to be alone and do stuff....

So I'm not getting this whole thing.

Also, I always thought the danger is of girls getting silly and starting to touch/show each other, etc. I never dreamed there is any danger of anyone's brother's being molesters or anything. Are there even any stories like that? I never heard of that.[/quote]

Yup - my cousin had a situation - she was 8 and the brother was 12, and she had a fight with the friend ( who left her in the room) then the brother came in and starting doing things (it wasnt coercive, but she was clueless and he wasn't. BH the mother came back with the friend to try to help them make up, and caught them and called the parenst right away.

BH the mother was on the ball enough not to try to sweep it under the rug.

amother

Linen

Sun, Jun 23 2024, 1:11 pm

I had sleepovers growing up at cousin's house, friend's house, and we did it every week! It was so much fun, the late night talks, the board games, it created wonderful memories and nothing inappropriate happened!
OP, I think 99% of times it's safe, stories only come out when something bad happens, most people are good and most houses are safe!

seeker

Sun, Jun 23 2024, 2:36 pm

amother Topaz wrote:

I was never a sleepover fan, for various reasons, but my dd had a friend whose parents went away overnight, so I obviously let their daughter stay . She gave my innocent daughter detailed instructions on how to become a professional hair -puller,and dd is now officially diagnosed. I'm really sad, and trying to remember that everything is from Hashem, but I'm still not a sleepovers fan.

I'm sorry for you and your daughter, but what would prevent them from sharing this during the day? My teen dd spends hours in school, after school, shabbos afternoon, "study" sessions etc talking with friends.

amother

Watermelon

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 8:53 am

amother Maroon wrote:

Sleepovers are not a thing in certain circles and the kids grow up fine. It's not a rite of passage or anything, it's a recent American thing. I agree it can be fun, but not a must. However, if you're in circles where other kids are doing this, you need to evaluate it differently

I am almost 70. I had sleepovers sixty years ago. In Israel. So not all that recent and not just in America.