Overnight sitter - not sure how to handle

amother

Teal

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 5:56 pm

amother Olive wrote:

You hired her to do a job which she did, you need to pay her.
I know you didn't ask and I know it isn't helpful, but personally I wouldn't hire a sitter if I have a teen that sounds as capable as yours.

Agreed. Naturally the toddler will wanna keep tagging along with older siblings, even if she knows the babysitter. My neighbor once asked me to babysit when I was single. I really didn't babysit anymore but assumed her teens weren't around if she asked me. I come and find out that she doesn't want them to be burdened with watching them (trying not to parenting, which I understand) but the kids were all home and the younger kid wouldn't listen to me.
Also, you said she wasn't on a schedule but I do think the bigger problem is she couldn't really do her thing because your teens were around telling her how to do it and the toddler only wanted them.

amother

Brunette

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 5:57 pm

I think the biggest problem was communication failure. You didn't communicate an exact job, exact times, exact responsibilities, or payment. You also didn't communicate to your teens what you expected from them. No one had any bad intentions (including you!) and no one should be penalized.

amother

↑ Stoneblue

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 6:40 pm

yes agreed that there was poor communication but also your nit picking. No one will take care of your child exactly how you would do it. even if you would have been more specific. I am not saying you can't feel disappointed but I don't think your expectations are so reasonable.

amother

Chocolate ↓

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 7:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

You are right.

I guess my teens confused me because they made it sound like she was horrible. Having written it down it looks okay even if not perfect. The toddler hating her is the unexpected turn.

it sounds like in your house everyone let’s toddler do whatever she wants. When Mora comes to your house for 4 days and starts calling shots it would make a toddler not like her anymore. Give it time and she’ll like she again. Toddlers go to extremes quickly.

amother

↑ Chocolate

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 7:38 pm

When I was young my parents would go on vacation once a year. When we were little they hired overnight babysitters to pick us up from school, dinner (my mother made pans in fridge of dinners labeled for each night), homework’s, bedtime, and to get us to school in the mornings. My mother wrote out for them a routine and we loved the babysitters because they didn’t always follow it to a T.
By the time we were teens and my parents saw we wouldn’t let another adult try to run the house she would hire someone and she told them their only job was to sleep in the house overnight (we were under 18) and call them if anything seemed unsafe.

kalsee

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 6:42 am

OP, it's tricky to have a sitter around teens who know better how to handle the little ones and how you like things done.
As long as everyone is safe and healthy I wouldn't give other criticism and pay what you had in mind

I imagine the toddler dislikes the babysitter now because she "replaced" her mother.
Hopefully she'll ge over that soon

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 4:42 pm

amother Stoneblue wrote:

I had people take care of my child better than me.

My teens were given the instruction to show the sitter around if there is anything that I forgot to mention.
The sitter didn’t really communicate with me which I found unsettling and I am happy that my kids updated me every now and then.

My one teen that took on the emotional burden in the end had tons of school work to do. She wasn’t up meant to do any toddler care. She was very overwhelmed and resentful. Anyway it would have been irresponsible to leave kids by themselves since there are also preteens who often don’t listen to my teens. I needed an adult in the house anyway.

amother

Cinnamon

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 5:47 pm

amother OP wrote:

I wouldn't expect a babysitter communicate unless there was a major issue.

Your daughter chose to help out. It's not really daor for her to be resentful for choosing to put the toddler to sleep.