Please tell me this won’t scar my baby

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 4:41 pm

I’m really furious at DH. I left him to babysit our three month old while I ran out to do a big shopping order. The grocery store is a 20 minute walk away from where I live.
I had just left the store when DH calls me to ask when I’ll be home. I heard my baby crying faintly on the background. I told him I’ll be home in 20 minutes. DH Proceeds to tell me that the baby on the play mat in the dining room And he went and dozed off in the bedroom. He woke up because the baby is crying, but he doesn’t want to go get the baby because he is too tired. So he somehow wants to magically appear right now to pick up the baby. I explained that it would take me 20 minutes to walk, but I will take an Uber right now, but it would still take about 10 minutes till I got there. Currently in my Uber rushing home to get my baby.

Someone please tell me that my baby shrieking on his own In a room where he cannot see or hear his parent Will be OK for the 10 minute it will take me to get home.

I will add that DH is never like this. He was actually up most of the night with the baby so I could sleep So he is very tired. But I really disagree with how irresponsible he is being for not even going to pick up the baby

amother

Navy

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 4:47 pm

If your husband is normally responsive, I would be worried about him as much as the baby. Maybe he isn't feeling well? Maybe he is really maxed out? Can you try and make sure he gets some good rest tonight?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 4:59 pm

Ok I actually feel really terrible. I got home and DH looked awful. He has a high fever and is likely dehydrated from being out in the scorching heat earlier combined with his fever. I sent DH straight to bed with some Tylenol and baby (who was cooing happily in DH’s arms when I got home) is extremely content. I’m going to (nicely) discuss this with DH. When he’s feeling better because while I don’t believe this will happen again I do need him to communicate better with me and let me know if he thinks he isn’t up to taking a shift

amother

Iris

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:06 pm

I am completely against letting babies cry for a long period of time. HOWEVER, I have an autistic child who has never slept well. When he was a baby, there were times we were so exhausted we’d hear him cry and fall right back asleep. So yes he ended up crying more than I would have liked. I believe we have to try our best. Let Hashem do the rest.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:06 pm

amother Navy wrote:

Honestly, you really hit the nail on the head with this

imaima ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

Wow feeling bad for him.
You could have taken the baby along…

amother

Topaz

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:08 pm

amother Jade wrote:

He will be ok. But I’d tell him it’s not acceptable and it’s abusive for him to act this way. I would not just ignore this horrible behavior.

Read it again carefully. I'm the first to call abusive behavior but this isn't abusive.

A baby will be okay if they scream for 10 minutes. Especially if same baby was up all night and taken care of then.

Parents are human. Sometimes they don't have the energy or ability who cries a lot. Parents also need sleep to function. The baby can be okay.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:12 pm

imaima wrote:

Wow feeling bad for him.
You could have taken the baby along…

That was the plan originally. We were all going to go together but he finally fell asleep (he was up most of the night) and we both agreed that we don’t want to wake him by moving him around. I asked DH if he minded staying with him while I went out because I haven’t gone outside since shabbos. DH seemed tired but functional when I left.

Dolly Welsh ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:26 pm

The baby will get past it. It isn't lovely but life is life. I vastly prefer this, to the kid being in the bed with an exhausted father who then rolls over onto him. You know what can happen then. Or he falls off the bed. This is better.

Now, OP.

Please just order by website or phone, next time.

Everything, and I mean everything, can be delivered today, and it works fine.

Cheaper, too. The delivery guy's tip is much less than the cost of Uber. Or of gas.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:32 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

I guess I’ll have to. I just really needed some fresh air. I guess that’s mom life now

amother

Caramel

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

I really don't think you need to or should bring it up again when he's feeling better.

Obviously he felt well enough to take care of the baby when you left.
Obviously he realized leaving a baby to cry is not ok and that's why he went to him.

Leave it alone. Im sure DH feels bad enough about the situation already. IyH DH will feel better soon and it won't happen again.

↑ Dolly Welsh

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:49 pm

amother Skyblue wrote:

Have your groceries delivered and take the baby out for walks

This, this.

I would say, do not mention anything to your husband. At all.

He knows anything you would be saying already, and it will just upset him for nothing.

miami85

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:58 pm

Baby will be fine. In fact I believe it is recommended that if you are "not functional" and too tired to be safe with your baby to place baby in a safe place and go to sleep. Baby may be mad but it is considered safer than trying to co-sleep or do something stupid that may result in shaken baby syndrome.

Babies only have 2 ways to communicate--cooing and screaming, but screaming for a long time will not do long-term damage.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 6:17 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

This, this.

I would say, do not mention anything to your husband. At all.

He knows anything you would be saying already, and it will just upset him for nothing.

Maybe I’m just still having hard time getting past the initial phone call but I still feel like I want to tell DH he needs to be more clear with me about how he’s feeling in these situations. Had he told me straight away when he realized he wasn’t feeling well, I could have ended my shopping trip sooner and rushed straight home so he could nap rather than me being ready to murder him for not babysitting well and making me feel awful for going outside for the first time in days.

But I guess the consensus is to just swallow it, chalk it up to one bad day and move on?

smss

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 4:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

No one here knows you or your husband or your marriage as well as you do.

If you feel like you need to talk about it trust that voice.