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-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
amother
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 Tue, Jun 18 2024, 11:16 am
Dd with adhd always had high levels of wants, (activities, food, things) which is common with adhd.
She has always been a very challenging child, with emotional dysregulation, anger, explosiveness, etc. She is in therapy and on meds.
Always needed things to be EXCITING, like seriously exciting. Or else it was way too boring. Bored as in jumping off the chandelier bored. If you have a kid like this, you can relate.
It has always been a balance, not wanting to say no to everything, but not able to give in to everything.
When she was little it was smaller things, like wanting pizza and ice cream all the time, wanting to go bowling, roller blading etc on random school day, wanting to buy everything she saw in store, etc.
Now she is a teen and while in some ways she has matured, in other ways she is still so so immature. Like when she comes to store, she still asks for everything. Even when I tell her before we're just getting x, y, z. You'd think you can take a 14 year old to a store! I literally can more easily take a 3 year old to a candy store.
She has finals now, so she has big ideas, and I've been trying to keep a balance. Been buying her lots of treats to help wtih studying, slurpees, razzles, fries, iced coffee etc, which she loves. Today she is asking to go to an amusement park. Like, really????
My question is not how to deal with her. Been doing this for many years and very very experienced.
My question is, does it ever get better?? I know kids with adhd mature later, but would love to hear from mothers who have seen improvement in this area.
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amother
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Tue, Jun 18 2024, 11:27 am
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She doesn't need to mature. She needs to be given tools to deal with herself.
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amother
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Tue, Jun 18 2024, 11:50 am
| amother DarkGray wrote: | | She doesn't need to mature. She needs to be given tools to deal with herself. |
She is. She has an excellent therapist which we're paying an arm and a leg for.
But she certainly does need to mature as well.
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amother
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Tue, Jun 18 2024, 12:55 pm
| amother OP wrote: | She is. She has an excellent therapist which we're paying an arm and a leg for.
But she certainly does need to mature as well. |
An ADHD coach shoukd help. Good sleep hygeine, excersize, and eating right can help too. Is she in medication?
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amother
Eggplant
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Tue, Jun 18 2024, 1:04 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Dd with adhd always had high levels of wants, (activities, food, things) which is common with adhd.
She has always been a very challenging child, with emotional dysregulation, anger, explosiveness, etc. She is in therapy and on meds.
Always needed things to be EXCITING, like seriously exciting. Or else it was way too boring. Bored as in jumping off the chandelier bored. If you have a kid like this, you can relate.
It has always been a balance, not wanting to say no to everything, but not able to give in to everything.
When she was little it was smaller things, like wanting pizza and ice cream all the time, wanting to go bowling, roller blading etc on random school day, wanting to buy everything she saw in store, etc.
Now she is a teen and while in some ways she has matured, in other ways she is still so so immature. Like when she comes to store, she still asks for everything. Even when I tell her before we're just getting x, y, z. You'd think you can take a 14 year old to a store! I literally can more easily take a 3 year old to a candy store.
She has finals now, so she has big ideas, and I've been trying to keep a balance. Been buying her lots of treats to help wtih studying, slurpees, razzles, fries, iced coffee etc, which she loves. Today she is asking to go to an amusement park. Like, really????
My question is not how to deal with her. Been doing this for many years and very very experienced.
My question is, does it ever get better?? I know kids with adhd mature later, but would love to hear from mothers who have seen improvement in this area. | I do not know, op. I am still waiting for it to get better as well...
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pgk
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Tue, Jun 18 2024, 2:09 pm
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Join the club…15 and not better yet
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amother
Amaryllis
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Tue, Jun 18 2024, 3:55 pm
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Im an adult with ADHD and I still have a high level of wants. I just know it's not happening. Maybe that's the maturing part.
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TwinsMommy
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Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:18 pm
My 17 year old daughter is the poster child for adhd and JUST NOW she's starting to offer to use her own money for things to which I say no. Today I bought her brother new jammies because his ripped badly. She was upset I didn't also buy for her. I told her she didn't need any. She offered to use her own money. ok fine. She doesn't need them but I'm about to order them with her money. (she earns about a dollar a day in one of her high school classes).
I repeat the rule ad nauseum---- you get EVERYTHING YOU NEED and about a third of what you WANT. (I say yes about a third of the time).
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amother
Butterscotch
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Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:25 pm
I have a 16 yo with ADHD who has always had a high level of wants. Thing is, our budget is very tight so we say no to pretty much everything that's not a real necessity. We're talking saying no to name brand cereal because the generic is cheaper. That level. Forget about icecream and roller skating. Have never been to an amusement park as a family, and probably never will be. (Some have been there with a daycamp.)
Over the years he has learned to ask for a lot less. He does feel resentful about it sometimes. He has also learned to make his own money to pay for things he wants. He has also learned to make things novel that don't cost money, like moving around the furniture in his room periodically, wearing his brother's old watch sometimes for the novelty factor, weird things like that. And he gets excited by things like a new package of undershirts...But yes, he still does crave it to some degree. Overall he's doing great, we have a great relationship and he seems happy, but the undercurrent of resentment does worry me a bit (although part of me wonders whether I'm making it up, and he's really fine with it...).
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amother
Aster
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Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:34 pm
You're describing my 11 yo.
She wanted 3 parties for her birthday. My family from the next town to come over. A whole major shebang.
While in my community birthdays at that age are usually small family events or not even Celebrated. (satmar)
She wants a million and one things and grandiose ideas. And if course never does anything to make it happen just gets upset that I don't do it.....
Wants treats and junk food all the time. Toys and gadgets and gonplaves. She wants to go to the park every single day.
We have swings and 2 types of monkey bars out in the backyard, but that's not enough. And she wants a different park every day. Cuz the old ones aren't fun anymore....
Luckily we have like 6 pretty close by within a 15 minute drive. But still we can't go wvery day. She wants to go to the pool and set up the sprinklers. Make noodle soup parties. Every day it's at least 3 or 4 things she wants to do and evert day it's tantrums.
Yes she's on meds and therapy.
I guess I can say I feel ya. I hope it gets better soon. I'm at my whits end too.
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amother
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Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:29 pm
| amother Aster wrote: | You're describing my 11 yo.
She wanted 3 parties for her birthday. My family from the next town to come over. A whole major shebang.
While in my community birthdays at that age are usually small family events or not even Celebrated. (satmar)
She wants a million and one things and grandiose ideas. And if course never does anything to make it happen just gets upset that I don't do it.....
Wants treats and junk food all the time. Toys and gadgets and gonplaves. She wants to go to the park every single day.
We have swings and 2 types of monkey bars out in the backyard, but that's not enough. And she wants a different park every day. Cuz the old ones aren't fun anymore....
Luckily we have like 6 pretty close by within a 15 minute drive. But still we can't go wvery day. She wants to go to the pool and set up the sprinklers. Make noodle soup parties. Every day it's at least 3 or 4 things she wants to do and evert day it's tantrums.
Yes she's on meds and therapy.
I guess I can say I feel ya. I hope it gets better soon. I'm at my whits end too. |
This sounds like dd a few years ago lol. Now her ideas are bigger.
Does your dd have a adhd diagnosis?
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amother
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Wed, Jun 19 2024, 7:59 pm
| amother Amaryllis wrote: | | Im an adult with ADHD and I still have a high level of wants. I just know it's not happening. Maybe that's the maturing part. |
yeah, probably.
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