I cannot figure out how to do this life

amother

OP ↓

Fri, Jun 14 2024, 4:07 pm

I kept thinking I will get it eventually and after 10 months I'm ready to give up. How does anyone get anything done with a baby?

First I woke up a little late because we had a restless night. Then I nursed the baby, changed his diaper, went to the bathroom where he played on the floor while I freshened up just a bit. Then he pooped and needed to be changed again. I gave him some cheerios to feed himself while I had a little breakfast, and then fed him a proper breakfast of yogurt and applesauce because that needed no preparation. He went to play on the floor for a few minutes, I swept around him, then he wanted some more attention... then he pooped again, instead of changing him I decided to do a bath since he needed one anyway, yesterday was sweaty and shabbos is coming. So we did a bath, not too long but enough to splash around a little, dried him up, got him dressed. Then he was tired and wanted to nurse. It was about time for a nap anyway so I nursed him and he did not fall asleep. Fortunately my older kids (we had a long break, I do not remember how to do baby from when my first two were this age) are off for motzei yom tov so I had one watch him for a few minutes while I finished getting dressed and took care of a very minor chore (got something I left in the car in the driveway). She wasn't feeling so well so I didn't want her to spend too much time with the baby, but anyway most days kids aren't home so you need other ways to get things done around baby. Then I made another attempt to put him to sleep, it took some time to rock him down in the stroller but he did fall asleep. While he was asleep I was able to take care of a couple of things on the computer. I couldn't do any outside errands because he was sleeping in the stroller and where I live errands require a car. Then he woke up and wanted to nurse again. He needed another diaper change so I did that. And then it was time for lunch, late for lunch actually. I made scrambled eggs because that's quick and I'm not ahead on food, just getting over yom tov and there weren't as many leftovers as I anticipated. Peeled and cut some fruit. I'm taking the luxury to type this as I give him a few pieces at a time to feed himself because I'm just so frustrated with myself that it's 3pm and I have barely done a single thing other than survive all day. And that's with my house a mess, my laundry is basically washed but not folded just all over the place getting dirty and wrinkled again, and I have a light computer job that I haven't even started. I do send him to a sitter a few hours a day so I can get work done, but it's not enough. I can't afford and also don't want to send him for a full day beyond my work time just so I can get on top of life, I feel like there must be a better way - how do stay at home moms do it?! How do any moms do anything?!

I just want to crawl into a hole and cry. I can't stand the mess in my house (this is even with cleaning help. Just enough to keep dust and dirt under control, but my laundry and disorganization is all mine), I need a shower, and I don't understand how I have done nothing but baby care for one baby all day. I think I'm depressed.

mushkamothers

Fri, Jun 14 2024, 4:09 pm

A baby is a full time job.

amother

Violet ↓

Sat, Jun 15 2024, 10:44 pm

Feeling same way with my baby, have older kids too but a large age gap. Think I’m depressed too. Hormones really affecting me negatively this time around Sad

amother

Cyclamen

Sat, Jun 15 2024, 10:46 pm

I dont know how to do it either. Everyone around me is doing it alright. One after the other. Plus working.
I feel like the biggest failure.

amother

Whitewash

Sat, Jun 15 2024, 10:47 pm

This might not be what you want to hear OP, but you’re making me feel normal! I also don’t know how I manage to do exactly zilch besides keep 2 kids alive after I get home from work. You sound like you’re doing things! I don’t even cook supper or do laundry unless my husband is home to help.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sat, Jun 15 2024, 11:00 pm

Well I guess it's validating that I'm not the only one but I'm still pretty sure most people are managing at least a little better than this... I mean there are people who have more than one baby. I don't think I could keep two alive at once. Right now I'm not cleaning up shabbos because I'm trying to rock the baby to sleep in the stroller after he refused to go to sleep twice. And it's almost midnight. I think he's about to fall asleep and I don't know what to do first - go to sleep because I'm so tired, make something to eat because I need better nutrition probably, do some of my computer work because I'm falling disastrously behind, or clean up because the mess is driving me crazy/making me depressed/making everything else take longer because I have to keep looking for things.

I think I'm going to passive aggressively leave the shabbos mess for dh. There's no reason he couldn't take charge of that but I'm not going to say it because then it's just me complaining all the time. I'm going to be annoyed every time I walk past it but I'm also going to be annoyed if I do it all myself.

Dolly Welsh

Sat, Jun 15 2024, 11:04 pm

Hugs.

Try a pacifyer, a "NUK" kind.

It passes. Soon you will wish he would phone more often.

More hugs.

You are doing fine.

There is real time, army time, and baby time. Baby time is slooooow.

amother

DarkPurple

Sat, Jun 15 2024, 11:18 pm

For me, what helped was sleep training. I needed to know that I wouldn't be spending endless time every day just getting my kids to fall asleep at nap time and bedtime.
When they were small enough I also made use of bouncers, swings, jumpers, activity centers... They loved it and would happily play away while watching me do my stuff.

amother

Cantaloupe

Sat, Jun 15 2024, 11:39 pm

I think your problem is mainly the sleeping issue. Most babies at 10 months old are going to sleep at a predictable, consistent time every night, and sleeping through the night. It sounds like he’s not on a proper schedule yet. Same with naps.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 12:03 am

Do you have a baby swing? That can sometimes help buy time to get other things done.

amother

Trillium

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 12:17 am

You need help. We were not created to take care of babies alone. All women who are having babies one after another have or a hands on husband, mother or older siblings.
If you do it alone it takes a toll on you.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 12:32 am

My husband is supportive but he's also the main breadwinner. Days like Friday when I posted, I was home with the baby all day and he was at work.

I have a couple of older kids, and I do put them to work even a little more than I'm comfortable with, but they also go to school/camp plus my baby isn't really their problem.

He is too old to stash away in a bouncer or swing. That was a really nice stage, he was also small enough at the time to sometimes do some computer work while nursing...

His sleep is pretty bad, he's always been stubborn and sensitive but right now he's also coming off a virus and ear infection. but the day I started this post anyway he had a nice normal sleeping and eating schedule. That's what made me post this - until now I was thinking I just need a better schedule, I just need him to get over the virus, I just need... And then I realized even a pretty good day is overwhelming to me.

esther7

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 12:42 am

amother DarkPurple wrote:

Agree with this. For now, focus on survival, and figuring out the sleeping piece. If you can get your baby to fall asleep for nap and the night without you endlessly rocking, you save a lot of time and frustration as well as adding a lot more predictability into your day. Life changing for me, once they start sleeping well.
Also, you're at the point where it literally gets better really soon. By around 12 months I find that they get so much better at playing alone, as long as I'm nearby, even if it's just for a short stretch at a time.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 12:46 am

The naps are actually going pretty well at this point. Most days I just need to rock him for a couple of minutes if I can catch him at the perfect stage of tired, which I'm getting better at. The problem is they're down to twice a day and not nearly long enough to put my life together. On days when I work, he usually naps at the sitter so I don't even get that...

imaima ↓

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 12:51 am

amother OP wrote:

Frankly sounds like it is supposed to be.
Baby care would be a full time job for a nanny, but we always expect to manage it „on the side“ when we do it ourselves.

↑ imaima ↓

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 12:52 am

amother OP wrote:

Having siblings at home is actually great, they can occupy babies…

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 1:16 am

imaima wrote:

Having siblings at home is actually great, they can occupy babies…

They get home from school around 5 and have homework and stuff. They're helpful but they're not the answer to how in the world is anything supposed to get done.

Sure sure baby care is a full time job, so who's supposed to keep the house going while I do that? Or any of the care other people require? If a baby is a full time job do twins get two mothers? I mean I get that this is supposed to be validating but I'm just not buying it. When I look around, which is not that often because I don't feel like I have time or energy, it doesn't look like every mother with a baby isn't coping. I can usually find one or two who look like they might be feeling like me behind the scenes, but most seem to just be living somehow. Usually with more little kids, too, I don't know many in my current circle who have a long break like I do.

tichellady ↓

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 1:23 am

I can’t either. Need lots of cleaning help or childcare when I have a baby or my house falls apart. If can’t afford that then need to accept that house will fall apart until you have more time

amother

Snowflake

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 1:23 am

amother OP wrote:

That was a really nice stage, he was also small enough at the time to sometimes do some computer work ...

Well that's your answer! Get him some more computer work to keep him busy! LOL

↑ tichellady

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 1:24 am

amother OP wrote:

Most people with twins have a lot of help.
You are living. You are coping. ITs ok to have laundry in piles when you are busy with other things like taking care of children