Is this something to tell host in advance?

singleagain ↓

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 2:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

Reading this thread:
-some are offended if you bring your own
-some say bring your own
-some say just eat whatever you can but don't say in advance.
- some say not eating what the host makes is offensive.

This is why I'm confused. Usually I don't say anything and just figure it out. I always offer to bring something but if the host says no, I can't push.

I saw lots of menus and realized I'd probably not eat anything much at these meals. I don't want to be rude though.

It seems everyone has a different opinion.

I have health concerns and I had to change my lifestyle a few years go. I don't want to impose on others, I usually just have the proteins and vegetables.

I think the main thing to take away is to discuss any meal concerns you have at the time of the invite.

↑ watergirl ↓

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 2:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

Of course we all have different opinions! You are getting varied responses because we are all different people with different feelings. You said you "just" have protein and veg when you go out - that sounds perfect to me. What's the issue there? As a host, I never look to see what my guests take, I would not be offended if you did not try the starch/carb I made.

I guess if you are that concerned, the solution is to host and not to accept invitations out. How many meals out on shavous are you having that this is such an issue?

↑ imaima ↓

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 2:21 pm

amother Honeydew wrote:

Taste is personal.
I don't think my fish with maple-pecan glaze is ruined.
I don't think my cutlets with barbecue sauce are ruined.

It’s ruined for those who won’t eat some of the ingredients.

↑ imaima ↓

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 2:24 pm

amother OP wrote:

Whenever someone says „do XYZ to make someone happy“, the correct answer to this is everyone‘s happiness is their own business.
I am not buying this argument.

↑ watergirl

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 2:30 pm

imaima wrote:

It’s ruined for those who won’t eat some of the ingredients.

"Ruined" implies something wrong happened in the cooking process which made it inedible. In he case you quoted, the host made the fish to her liking and according to her menu, and the guest could not eat it. It's not ruined, it's something she just can't eat. That's fine - no one has to eat fish at the meal.

I hate mayo and beans. Beans in cholent does not mean it was ruined for me, it just means I can pick around them or not eat it. Mayo on a sandwich won't mean it's ruined, it means I just won't eat it.

amother

↑ Honeydew

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 2:31 pm

imaima wrote:

It’s ruined for those who won’t eat some of the ingredients.

But if you don't tell me in advance, then you might actually have nothing to eat.
I didn't "ruin" my salmon by glazing it with maple sauce.
You can't just assume that you'll eat the salmon without communicating with me

↑ imaima

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 2:33 pm

amother Honeydew wrote:

I am always communicating! Very Happy

amother

Eggplant

Fri, Jun 14 2024, 5:09 pm

When invited out to a meal, I just tell people "we are hard to host" because of our diet. If they still want us to come, I tell them what we don't eat, and they decide if it's worth their time to make food we can eat. If not, that's ok, we are not insulted if they can't host us.

When I go to my children for shabbos, they usually ask me to bring side dishes that we can eat. And I'm happy to help.

amother

↑ OP

Fri, Jun 14 2024, 6:23 pm

Jokes on me because I had a guest who eats WFPB and had nothing to eat at my meal, even though I asked about allergies or dietary considerations when I invited him, he had said nothing. It definitely was uncomfortable as a host.

groisamomma

Fri, Jun 14 2024, 6:27 pm

amother OP wrote:

What does WFPB stand for?

amother

Peach

Fri, Jun 14 2024, 6:43 pm

amother Eggplant wrote:

I have 2 kids with hard to host diets, I just tell people I'll bring their food, don't worry about making safe food for them. That way I get company and only have to cook 1 lunch menu and not two

teachkids

Fri, Jun 14 2024, 6:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

That's crazy not to mention, unless he was just coming for the company and didn't plan on eating.