How often does your teen goes to sleep blowing...

↑ shabbatiscoming

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 12:02 pm

MiracleMama wrote:

The saying that couple should never go to bed angry extends here to the whole family. Nobody goes to bed angry. B"H teen blow ups are rare, but when they happen we talk it out before bed always.

No, sometimes going to bed angry and giving space to the argument is just what is needed.

↑ Ruchel

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 12:02 pm

MiracleMama wrote:

The saying that couple should never go to bed angry extends here to the whole family. Nobody goes to bed angry. B"H teen blow ups are rare, but when they happen we talk it out before bed always.

Unless they're doing it out of exhaustion
Agree tho for a marriage
I wouldn't sleep anyway
If there was something on that level in my couple cv it would not be about a teen unhappy he had to make himself a meal, or hormonal. I would be really traumatized, cv

amother

↑ Moonstone ↓

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 12:03 pm

amother Hosta wrote:

I think you are projecting a lot on my comments. I never addressed how the mother should I approach the yelling. I focused on the bigger picture and issue. She got pages of responses about the yelling. I didn’t feel the need to add to it. Not so many responses about dealing with all the root issues. So she was a given a bandaid because only focusing on apologizing on the here and now and not on preventing it in the future is just stupid.

Prevent what from happening in the future? There's little to no detail about the daughter to project what she's like and create a future. Does OP ask her daughter to help regularly? Is daughter ever helpful? Does she always have an attitude problem?
People comment on the yelling because OP's attitude is coming across pretty strongly. Assuming your daughter knows what you want, dropping hints and not elaborating, letting her go to sleep angry without discussing because daughter is wrong, waiting for an apology... these are all problems that OP can fix to help prevent this from happening in the future. That's why so many of us are focusing on this.

amother

Chestnut ↓

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 12:32 pm

I think OP didn't literally mean that she "lashed out", the same way she didn't literally mean blowing. I think she means that she finally called her teen out for her behavior, but people were getting stuck on the words "lashed out".

amother

↑ Hosta ↓

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 12:37 pm

amother Moonstone wrote:

You can’t claim we know nothing about the daughter while claiming you know about the op. I made my points which were different than yours. I don’t have to have the discussion you demand I have. Whoever wants to take info from my comments can and whoever feels it’s not relevant can ignore.

amother

↑ Hosta ↓

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 12:37 pm

amother Chestnut wrote:

I think OP didn't literally mean that she "lashed out", the same way she didn't literally mean blowing. I think she means that she finally called her teen it for her behavior, but people were getting stuck on the words "lashed out".

This is probably the best point on here.

amother

↑ Starflower

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 1:16 pm

amother Hosta wrote:

This is probably the best point on here.

We have no way of knowing either way. If she says lashed out, people will believe her unless she says otherwise. How can op expect to get relevant responses if she says onenthing but means something completely different? We don't even know if that's the case.

amother

↑ Vermilion

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 1:26 pm

I wrote about this pesach time. I made lists for each day before yomtov and asked my teens to choose 2 or 3 things from the list to take care of. Some of them ignored it, some of them cooperated, and some of them did a half hearted job.
It was really not as effective as you'd think it might be.

ETA: I injured my right hand before Pesach and I did tell them that I am not going to become a shmatte while they sit around and do nothing. They didn't believe me until there was no pesach cake or kugel or extras.

Iove

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 1:36 pm

Lol I'm not so far from my teenage years, and if you ask my mom she will say I was blowing an average of 7 days a week 🤣🤣 and now I have the best relationship with her from all my siblings...

amother

↑ Moonstone

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 2:05 pm

amother Hosta wrote:

I'm curious which discussion I demanded you to have.
Have a great YT.

amother

↑ Chestnut

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 2:09 pm

amother Starflower wrote:

Based on context, you can figure it out. It seems like English is not OP's first language.

amother

↑ Hosta ↓

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 2:10 pm

amother Starflower wrote:

English is not her first language so putting that in perspective it’s silly to harp on her word usage.

amother

Seagreen

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 7:45 pm

amother OP wrote:

op here.. sorry... let me explain
Like REALLY mad and not on speaking terms...
In yiddish its bloozen... english translation is blowing

Translation is sulking

amother

↑ OP

Fri, Jun 14 2024, 6:41 pm

op here..
so let me be kind and come back with the rest of the story...
So the next morning a found a note from my teen explaining her wrongdoings and that shes willing to be more helpful in the future...
I had a conversation with her after explaining that on Erev shabbos and yom tov I need more help in order to keep the matzav calm and she was in agreement and willing to work along with me... bh she understood and is wiling to keep me happy and calm. TYH

amother

↑ Pumpkin

Fri, Jun 14 2024, 6:47 pm

So mature of her to realize her wrongdoings and be willing to work with you.
Learning from her to realize your wrongdoings and being willing to work with her would be very mature of you

amother

↑ Valerian

Fri, Jun 14 2024, 6:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

That's nice (though probably done out of fear/guilt because you lashed out on her.)
I hope you did apologize to her as well & learnt from this experience that if you need help, you ask for it instead of waiting for others to offer their help. People aren't mind readers.

Odelyah

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 2:08 am

amother OP wrote:

OP it sounds like you have a wonderful daughter bH, but it's really not your daughter's responsibility to keep her mother happy and calm. It is a mother's responsibility to be mechanech her daughter, and to try to do so as calmly as possible, even in high-stress situations.