Is this something to tell host in advance?

WhatFor ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 6:45 pm

Op, if you follow any diet that's going to affect you eating food your host will spend time preparing, you let them know well in advance. No one wants to put money, time, and effort to make things especially nice for a guest, if their guest won't even touch it or appreciate it.

I understand not wanting to say anything to not put the host out, but it's a greater inconvenience to them to say nothing. I agree with those saying at this point it's pretty late, and offer to bring some salads.

AlwaysCleaning

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 6:50 pm

I try and eat healthy as well but I would never impose that on my host when we're invited out.
Offer to bring a salad and make sure to eat the foods your host prepares, even if it's a small amount and compliment her food.
OR make sure you eat a healthy breakfast b4 and a healthy dinner/snack after and it's not that big a deal to to let yourself indulge a bit and try her foods (obv in moderation)
She's hosting you and would feel bad if you only ate the salad you brought.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 7:01 pm

I didn't think to say anything because it does sound kind of pretentious. I just started reading some menus and thought oh boy is it better to hardly eat or is that offensive or to say something in advance?
I did offer to make something and was turned down and told to please not make anything just come and enjoy being a guest.
I'm asking in general how to handle this other times were invited to meals or for a shabbos somewhere.

amother

Teal

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 7:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

I eat healthy, is that something a host needs to know in advance? I'm not off anything in particular but I try to eat as healthy as I can.
If I go to a meal that's just pastas cheesecakes and puff pastry types of things, I won't have much I would like to eat.
What do you think? What's the protocol as a guest? If I am supposed to say in advance how would I word it?

Its the reason I decline every single invite.

as a host I know how hard it is to cook up a storm only to have the guests nibble and dump.

I dont want to do that to others plus I know most people dont understand the need for me staying carb free or low carb (skinny but pre diabetes which I am not announcing)

amother

Foxglove

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 7:14 pm

I actually have a lot of food restrictions and follow a pretty crazy food plan. I share with my hosts and offer/ask if I can bring my own food. I don't want them to stress prepping for me and I truly want to enjoy the company and conversation. Good friends understand and are not offended. Some invitations we get the host is offended.

Interestingly the last people who were offended, came to me for a meal some time later and literally did not eat anything. My husband knows I can be hypersensitive and even he noticed and was upset for me how the entire family did not eat. It was extremely uncomfortable.

So I hear both sides but ultimately think communication and being open minded go a long way for both the host and the guest.

↑ WhatFor ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 7:47 pm

amother OP wrote:

State your preferences when they invite and offer to bring what you like. But just fyi, saying "eating healthy" isn't really an effective way of communicating what you'll eat because it means different things to different people.

Do you not eat anything with sugar but will eat honey and maple syrup? No sweeteners at all? Only natural sweeteners but no artificial sweeteners? Only whole grains but no white grains? Any kind of grain as long as it's organic? Only keto foods? Nothing fatty? Only healthy fats? You don't care about fats? Nothing processed or processed is okay if it doesn't have certain ingredients? Do you see what I mean? You need to be able to clearly communicate what you eat and what you don't to a host.

By the way, maybe you're just presenting this funny and I'm misreading, but it's coming across as a bit of a sudden thing you're just taking on without clear direction. What do you mean you started reading menus- as in your hosts sent menus of their meals to you? Or as in you were looking at menus and thinking nothing looks healthy in the world? Do you have an unhealthy relationship with food? Usually people just generally eating healthy do it in moderation, so that if there's a specific event or holiday coming up, they work around it and maybe eat a bit extra healthy before and after to make up for it, or eat slightly smaller portions of what everyone is having.

amother

Phlox ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 8:03 pm

Please taste a little of the food the host prepared even if it’s not what you want to eat. Tell her how much you like it. You don’t have to eat a lot but it’s not nice not to try some since she had you in mind when she prepared the food.
It might be too late to offer to bring a salad because most of us (hosts) already bought or prepared what we want to serve at each meal.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 8:11 pm

WhatFor wrote:

I was referring to reading shavuos menus on this site.
I generally avoid white carbs and sweet things. I'll have dressing with sugar at someone else house but I don't eat pasta or pastries for example. I'm not off anything and I'm not allergic. I eat treats once in a while. I'll probably have a small piece of cheesecake.

amother

↑ Phlox ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 8:27 pm

amother OP wrote:

Oh well…. Your host most probably isn’t cooking dietetic. You’ll taste some of her food, hopefully also have some healthier options and then get back on track when you go home.

amother

↑ Tangerine ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 8:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

I eat pretty clean most of the time and don't enjoy when I eat out by someone who makes everything full of sugar, oils, chemicals, super processed, etc. But I don't make a religion out of eating this way. I'd rather be able to go socialize and tolerate the food. So I always offer to bring something so I know at least there will be one thing I'll really enjoy and I'll maybe find another item or two I can enjoy and if not I'll just tzip at it to be polite and eat more when I get home. Yes, sometimes I will get a "please just bring yourselves; I've got it all covered" and I make do in that situation as well. There was a time when I was on a very strict diet and when I was invited I simply told hostess straight out that I am only accepting invitation on condition that she won't be offended if I bring my own food. (Rest of my family ate whatever she served). But bottom line is you really can't tell someone who is kind enough to invite you how to make their menu. So you have to try to bring and also decide it's worth it for the company and socialization. Unless it's a medical situation, deviating from your regular diet on rare occasions isn't going to hurt anything.

amother

Hyacinth

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 9:05 pm

Asking someone " May I bring a salad?" of course she said , dont bother...

I would say: I MADE a salad that is my specialty and Im bringing to share. I host a lot, and dont find it offensive AT ALL!

Also, milchig is usually one meal only, so I bet she will have some veggie sides, hopefully.

Are you going for all meals? Enjoy

amother

DarkViolet ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 9:06 pm

You offer to bring a salad or side. You can usually give one or two specific restrictions like- I dont eat white flour and sugar- if they are real and true. Eating healthy or eating clean is relative and honestly worrying about it so much that you decline or don't enjoy a meal out might be coming from a disordered place.

B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 9:06 pm

amother OP wrote:

Everyone thinks they eat healthy and there are so many levels.

Personally we eat exclusively healthy, if we eat out, we have healthy food prepared at home as well. We stick to the hosts healthy food (there is always a salad!!) so our plates look used. If the host presses, we then say, everything looks amazing (maybe take a bite to be polite or try to insist) we are sooo full!!!"

I should start a spin-off about hosts that insist you try everything and keep track of whats on your plate.. That I hate.

The point of eating together is the company, the food is just a great excuse.

ETA- its impolite to bring a salad and only eat the salad you brought. Its like saying, I dont eat your food. At least put some on your plate and nibble or whatever.

amother

DarkYellow

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 9:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

I wouldn’t. Find the best options for you and eat those. If you’re not going to eat an acceptable amount then maybe don’t go out. Someone’s working hard to prepare you a nice meal and it’s awkward if you don’t eat.

Comptroller

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 9:15 pm

I would say you should adapt, make an exception when you are hosted. Be happy if the host cooks to your taste.

As a host, I find fad diets and fantasy intolerances quite annoying. So to me, if it is just a thing a guest "tries to do", I would prefer the guest to be a bit flexible and adapt.

That said, I serve lots of salads and veggies, in general without mayonnaise, so I suppose you would find what you are looking for.

On the other hand, if you go to a family who traditionnally will not serve more than three slices of cucumber in terms of veggies, it would be tyrannical to ask them to change their traditional meal.

Last edited by Comptroller on Mon, Jun 10 2024, 9:19 pm; edited 1 time in total