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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
Would you tell a 10 year old about birth control?
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| Yes |
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15% |
[ 28 ] |
| No |
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84% |
[ 157 ] |
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| Total Votes : 185 |
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amother
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 Sun, Jun 09 2024, 11:54 am
| amother Garnet wrote: | Why do people care about their girls talking about bras and labor pains?
Its such a foriegn concept to me. Kids talk. It is what it is and its not always a bad thing imo. |
People want to educate their own children, not have some random kid educate them
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amother
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Sun, Jun 09 2024, 11:57 am
| amother Fuchsia wrote: | | People want to educate their own children, not have some random kid educate them |
So then tell them earlier. Dont wait til they are 13/14/15. Why are these things such a big secret?
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Ruchel
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Sun, Jun 09 2024, 12:06 pm
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In some schools we could expect the parents to tell the children to not enlighten others
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amother
Magnolia
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Sun, Jun 09 2024, 12:08 pm
| Ruchel wrote: | | In some schools we could expect the parents to tell the children to not enlighten others |
But some kids have no filter....
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amother
Birch
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Sun, Jun 09 2024, 12:13 pm
| amother OP wrote: | My daughter always thought that having kids is something to daven for. She just recently heard from a friend that parents can take medicine to stop themselves from having a baby. She came home and confronted me miserably saying how I could I not have told her when all these years she has been davening so hard for another sibling and is it true that I am taking birth control and not trying to fill her deepest wish? How would you respond? She is only 10.. I feel like way to young to understand the concept and to keep things private.
It happens to be I almost died my last pregnancy and am under strict doctors orders to never get pregnant again. I had to be on hospital bed rest the whole time and still delivered over 2 months early because of my health. I have a blood clotting issue and lost multiple pregnancies due to clots during pregnancy. She doesn’t remember because she was young.
My fear is that if I tell her it will be discussed with friends and or brought up repeatedly. I do not share all or even most of my medical issues with her but I am very sickly. (Ie have a heart condition, blood clotting issues, autoimmune, etc ) |
Tell her it's true there is a medicine for people who don't want to have children.
Tell her I also really want to have another child, just like you.
Sometimes people can't have children anymore. We daven to Hashem. He knows what's right and how many children someone will have.
It wouldn't be appropriate to tell her your personal information. She's your child and it needs to stay that way. She's not your equal or your spouse. But she does need to know about the world. So teach her about what's available and also tell her your desire for children as well. That's healthy.
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Ruchel
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Sun, Jun 09 2024, 12:36 pm
[quote="amother Magnolia"]But some kids have no filter....[/
So they're not mature enough
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lamplighter
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Sun, Jun 09 2024, 12:39 pm
The issue is not a 10 year old knowing about BC.
Its about her discussing you taking BC. That's not appropriate at any age.
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Cheiny
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Sun, Jun 09 2024, 12:43 pm
| amother Garnet wrote: | Books, the internet, etc
I grew up without internet, but knew about BC in theory at 10. |
The 10 year old is reading books and on the internet researching issues such as bc, and the Mom has no clue about that? I doubt that’s where the child learned about it.
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Bnei Berak 10
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Sun, Jun 09 2024, 1:11 pm
| amother Fuchsia wrote: | | People want to educate their own children, not have some random kid educate them |
I hear you. But if you wait too long to tell them you bet your child *will* be educated by peers whether you l like it or not. There's only that much you can control.
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Bnei Berak 10
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Sun, Jun 09 2024, 1:17 pm
You know what, some adults also don't have a filter. We had these awful prying yenta posts earlier today shamelessly questioning if Noa Argamani is pregnant and if she was raped and if she's Jewish.
Beyond awful 
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amother
Cyclamen
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Sun, Jun 09 2024, 1:26 pm
| Bnei Berak 10 wrote: | You know what, some adults also don't have a filter. We had these awful prying yenta posts earlier today shamelessly questioning if Noa Argamani is pregnant and if she was raped and if she's Jewish.
Beyond awful |
Aww I really didnt want to read that!
Sorry can you delete,
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Cheiny
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Sun, Jun 09 2024, 1:27 pm
| Bnei Berak 10 wrote: | You know what, some adults also don't have a filter. We had these awful prying yenta posts earlier today shamelessly questioning if Noa Argamani is pregnant and if she was raped and if she's Jewish.
Beyond awful |
Whaaaat? I must’ve missed that… how insensitive and off.
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mha3484
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Sun, Jun 09 2024, 1:28 pm
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Is there any chance she senses your health is poor and is afraid to say something?
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pause
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Sun, Jun 09 2024, 6:16 pm
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I voted yes after reading the OP. I wouldn't offer info to a 10 yo about BC, but if she's asking me if such a thing exists, of course I would answer honestly. That doesn't mean I'd share what I do because that's personal, but 10 is old enough to understand that the concept exists.
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Basya
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Sun, Jun 09 2024, 6:59 pm
I didn't read through the responses, but in case this is helpful, I came here to put in my 2 cents/personal experience.
Fact: It is just as easy for Hashem to make you pregnant while on birth control than when you are not on BC. Yes, Hashem does work within the realms of Teva, however, we all know how common it is to get pregnant while on birth control.
Fact: It is just as easy for Hashem to give you a healthy pregnancy, even if past pregnancies have not been healthy and all evidence/science points to future dangers in getting pregnant (personal experience on this one).
There is nothing wrong with having children daven for a healthy baby and healthy mother. If Hashem wants it, it can happen regardless of birth control and medical circumstances and history.
You take care of you. No need to share your personal business with your child and you can explain that to your child. Set boundaries. However, If you feel comfy, you can tell your child that there is nothing out of reach of Hashem and if she is desperate for a baby, she can daven for a healthy baby and healthy mother and if Hashem thinks that it's best for our family to have a baby - he can easily make it happen no matter what we are doing or if there are medicines involved etc..
We are allowed to daven for nissim, and changes in circumstances. Hashem wants to hear our tefillos.
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amother
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Sun, Jun 09 2024, 8:41 pm
| mha3484 wrote: | | Is there any chance she senses your health is poor and is afraid to say something? |
She knows my health is poor, that’s not a secret at all. She doesn’t know to what extent my life was in danger when I was in the ICU unconscious after birth. She just knew I was in the hospital and that kids weren’t allowed to visit because of Covid.
We aren’t the type of family that she has internet access but she goes to a community day school.
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MommyASI
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Sun, Aug 11 2024, 7:32 pm
I am trying to put myself into the shoes of a 10 year old girl who has likely received many messages like the way to get a baby sibling is to daven, lives in a world where kids just seem to happen, is told that Hashem can do anything (versus a more nuanced version of Hashem working within nature, sending different people different challenges, that sometimes the reality is no more babies, health challenges) AND now the kid somehow finds out of a vague thing called birth control.
Just some thoughts (and they are just mine because you probably belong to a more sensitivity community). I don't think it is a favor for a child to be hoping for a baby when it is highly unlikely. I think it is easier to share what is appropriate like not all bodies can handle a baby and we are greatful for the children we have and also are excited when other families have growing families. I think this is part of being happy with one's lot.
I don't think you need to offer any personal information of your medicine cabinet, but I don't think it is great to withhold health info like a state secret. I have never seen withholding info totally as anything but anxiety producing.
I do think you can introduce a more mature message regarding davening. Instead of the candy shop variety of davening. . . Hashem, I want a baby, you can share that we don't generally do things like daven that A marry B but that A find an appropriate shidduch. Then you can expand that to other situations. But I don't think it would be very fair for someone to be davening for something that really isn't going to happen.
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amother
Wheat
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Sun, Aug 11 2024, 11:00 pm
Thats completely inappropriate to answer her fully and openly. But you can selectively answer truthfully.
Its true that bc is something that doctors use for patients. And there is also medicine for having babies. Doctors have many medications they can use for different reasons.
Tefilos are never wasted, tanach story for daven for babies, still true til today. Even if health related, tefilas can help for a refuah shleima so someone can get healthy & have a baby.
Sometimes the answer is yes, but even if the answer is no, the tefilas are helpful.
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