Bullied for our apartment?!

amother

Seafoam

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 1:48 pm

I am sorry that you and your son are going through this.

You mentioned that you validated him etc and explained to him why you don't live in a house. It might help to focus more on how he felt about the bullying and not as much on the subject of not living in house. It might be that he was more upset about the bullying itself and the meanness of the other kids, than the fact that you live in an apartment.

Also "apologizing or explaining' why you don't live in a house could create more of a stigma in his mind about it.

amother

↑ Blue

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 3:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

10-11. Which makes it worse because they are definitely old enough to know better.

Yes, old enough to know better. But also, so young to even be thinking about such things. At that age I never really paid any attention to which classmates' families had more or less. Pretty sure my own kids didn't either. As older teens they notice (but would never say anything unkind), but at 10 or 11 oblivious.

amother

↑ Slateblue

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 3:41 pm

amother Blue wrote:

I have a neighbor whose parents obviously talk about these things all the time. It filters down to the kids and it’s easily obvious whose parents talk about these things all the time vs whose parents value other things like Torah middos etc

amother

Ballota

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 7:01 pm

amother Blue wrote:

I disagree. I grew up as the only girl in the class in an apartment. We lived OOT where housing was cheap and everyone lived in houses besides us. I got comments on it from when I was in preschool and I can say with certainty that my classmates parents didn't talk about these things. They are all wonderful people who have little care for externals, no one ever went on fancy vacations or bought new cars, it just wasn't a thing. But kids are kids and the same way they notice if someone has pink hair, they notice if someone's living situation is very different than theirs. It wasn't malicious or disgusting, just normal kids making kids comments.

OP, we need to raise our kids to be proud and confident, we don't have to explain why we're different, we need them to internalize that they are worthy and valuable as they are, regardless of their circumstances. And for them to internalize that, you need to. Don't blame the kids or their parents, look inward. Are you confident in your lifestyle? Are you proud of your choices? Are you comfortable in your own skin? Get to that place and then you can get your children there too.