Del | Imamother

amother

↑ Razzmatazz ↓

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 9:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

My husband said the only gan yisroel he knows is the boys cheder

Plenty of imas here have children in gqn yisroel. At this point you need a school and if bais yaakov happens it is meant to be but gan yisroel is probably a wonderful fit for your daughter and family. It's funny hubby doesn't know of it because it's actually muchore established than the boys cheder

ra_mom

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 9:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

My husband said the only gan yisroel he knows is the boys cheder

Google Gan Yisroel girls school at 13 Church Ave in Brooklyn, NY 11218.
Take at look at the Google pictures of the building. It's across from the Ice Cream House. Pass by.

amother

↑ Yolk

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 9:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

I have been actually crying and begging my husband to try bybp. He is very firm that he does not want that school, even if its our final choice. I had my rav speak to him, even the two men that came to our house tried to tell him to apply there but nothing doing.
I am beyond frustrated. He says it's a very mixed school and he is very uncomfortable to send there. I told him I am anyway going to the school myself but he said no one there looks like me, whatever that means. My friends told me I would be so comfortable there in bybp. Like I said I am more than ready to send to that school. It's so frustrating I cant even put into words how angry and sad I am for this..
but I know there's a school meant for my daughter out there. Hashem will guide us to it one way or another.

You may need to put your foot down here. It’s your dd and she needs a school.

amother

↑ Lawngreen

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 10:01 pm

OP, I hear your DH's side. He has sacrificed a lot to be not only frum, not only Chassidish, but a specific and intense type of Chassidish. He obviously values it very much.

He wants his daughter given that level of education, not a more pareve or neutral version. He understandably might take a rejection of his child from those types of schools very personally, and might consider sending to a more open school like BYBP to be like a failure, an admission that he's not Chassidish enough, not integrated enough.

I wonder if it's possible to find parents from BYBP or Gan Yisroel who are at a similar level of Chassidus as you, maybe the same type of Chassidus as you.

If he sees that such a school is not a compromise, but an accepted and respected alternative, he may feel better about it.

amother

↑ Razzmatazz ↓

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 10:19 pm

amother Lawngreen wrote:

Such nice words!

It is important though to understand the workings of the boro park "community " (in quotes because it's not one. Rejections from all the schools op and hubby applied to is not surprising at all. This is the way it works . No an extra phone call to a principal will not help. Mosdos take their own and some times not even that. When we accept that. We will turn to places that want us and be welcomed lovingly.

dena613 ↓

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 1:41 am

amother OP wrote:

He said lets see what the other school says.
I am gonna tear my hair out

Oh, OP!!!! This sounds awfully stressful.

You mentioned that your rov came to speak to dh. Did you mean yours vs his?
Have you spoken to his rov?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 1:41 am

[quote="amother Lawngreen"]OP, I hear your DH's side. He has sacrificed a lot to be not only frum, not only Chassidish, but a specific and intense type of Chassidish. He obviously values it very much.

Delete

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 1:42 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

Yea, its hard for the first boy and girl to get into a cheder or school. But again I know she will get in somewhere iyh!!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 1:43 am

dena613 wrote:

Oh, OP!!!! This sounds awfully stressful.

You mentioned that your rov came to speak to dh. Did you mean yours vs his?
Have you spoken to his rov?

Mine. My husband respects him very much.

↑ dena613 ↓

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 1:44 am

amother OP wrote:

It's nice in some ways not so nice in other ways. I still admire him though.

Doubt it. I dont know anyone who sends there personally. I ask ladies from my shul if they know anyone who sends to bybp but I get told stuff along the lines of "its not chasidish!" "Its a public school for people who don't have a school to get to!" Etc
Just thinking about it makes me a little sick.

But you said your friends said you'd be comfortable in BYBP!!! why are you asking ladies in shul?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 1:45 am

dena613 wrote:

But you said your friends said you'd be comfortable in BYBP!!! why are you asking ladies in shul?

I was hoping their husbands would speak with mine. My husband knows a lot of people so I figured why not..

↑ dena613 ↓

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 1:47 am

amother OP wrote:

Hard to reach his wife. Its the dayan from shul. Tomorrow I plan to get her number somehow.

Why aren't you calling him directly?
If I were you, id ask to schedule a meeting with you and your husband and the dayan.
You need to explain how it feels that dh is being unreasonable, and which schools doea he think are right to try where he will push for you.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 2:00 am

dena613 wrote:

I think I'm also being unreasonable bc I don't want to send to ultra chasidish schools lol I am more like the "laid back" type of lady and I get so nervous that the rav will say send to ultra chasidish and he doesn't have an inkling who or what I am so I am thinking since his wife knows me we can all sit together and talk.

↑ dena613

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 8:12 am

amother OP wrote:

Good idea. So meet with both.

But realize that you're not being unreasonable.
You tried the more chassidish schools, and your dd didn't get in.

amother

↑ Papaya ↓

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 8:25 am

He also needs to keep in mind that he isn’t the one showing up to any girl things and he’s not going to be so involved in her schooling. It’s so important for it to be a school that you can navigate and feel comfortable in.