Social norms in BP

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Social norms in BP

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amother

Caramel ↓

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 3:03 pm

amother Maple wrote:

As a litvish persons that grew up in boro park I don’t know what anyone is talking about. Did it really change so much or is everyone exaggerating? This wasn’t happening around me.

Honestly I feel many are exaggerating or unfortunately didn't have a good experience, which can really happen in any community.

Op, please please there is no need to take that 20+ list of social norms posted above seriously - you have to do what works for you!
Nobody will know if you bake your own challah.. look at the bakery lines on Friday they are jammed
Also many of the points are school rules like rights and kappel sizes..

I live in BP for many years, I think these are being compared to the most highest standards out there which majority of the people aren't at. BP is a packed place with multiple type of people per block, its a small space with thousands of people. Which makes it be all types of styles and standards. Many of us on just 1 block are at different ages and schedules, so you may not get to see neighbors unless you are on the same schedule. Each block is BP varies and I think we live in a great place
With access to great conveniences, stores, shuls.. just not much grass!
My kids wardrobe mainly is tottini, Primark, target, h&m...
Welcome to BP, I do hope you will feel welcome and happy.

amother

↑ Caramel ↓

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 3:09 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Here’s one norm: if you wear a long wig and wear brighter colors than black or navy, you’re going to be stared at.

Did you walk the streets of BP recently?? There is so much color out there especially in the summer

amother

↑ Caramel ↓

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 3:11 pm

zaq wrote:

How about Target and K-Mart?

There's target, tons from Ali express, shein, temu..
There are also high end brands, but remember there are hundreds and hundreds of families here BH so there is of every type

amother

↑ Mistyrose ↓

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 3:14 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Here’s one norm: if you wear a long wig and wear brighter colors than black or navy, you’re going to be stared at.

I'll disagree with this. No one starts at long wigs or colors anymore in BP these days. It's pretty normal.

amother

Maize

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 3:34 pm

amother OP wrote:

But even going outside to play before / after supper, I should get properly dressed?
And if they got dirty from supper, I should put new clothes?? Kids get their clothing dirty when they eat

Welcome to BP!

I'm a non boro parker who lives here too.

The kids wear large absorbable bibs when they eat inside and are encouraged to eat pushed in to the table over their plates.
When I was a new momma, I couldn't figure out how to take out such heavy stains, until I learned that the best trick was to try to avoid them.

amother

Heather ↓

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 3:42 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Here’s one norm: if you wear a long wig and wear brighter colors than black or navy, you’re going to be stared at.

What does a longer wig mean?

amother

↑ Iris

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 4:12 pm

The Chaburah, Rabbi Meir Shimon Eisenberger

newinbp

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 5:12 pm

OP pm me! Would love to connect with another new BPer Smile

amother

Trillium

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 5:52 pm

amother Clematis wrote:

I’m sorry you had this experience.
My experience was very different.
My parents are BT from OOT and we lived in BP.
My parents thought about retiring and moving to FL but they decided not to because they love the community and friends here.
We were as mismatched as they come. My mother used to use kitchen towel in place of a baby blanket when the weather was too warm for blanket but still a little chilly. A kind hearted neighbor told my mother that it’s important that the baby have a light blanket in the weather so they look more functional and told my mother what to put on us and where to buy it.
I had so many friends growing up. Other kids would come to us for play dates and we would go to them.
I loved my days growing up there.

I come back to visit with my kids sometimes for shabbos or yomtov. I dress and look different than the other woman there but I never feel a coldness. We’re all moms trying out best to raise our kids. I love going to the park and chatting with other moms.

I happen to dress my kids nicely - not Boro park style. The other mothers sometimes compliment what my children are wearing and ask where I got it. I once told someone Walmart and she said “don’t tell anyone. Then people will think it’s not fancy”. I love the Boro park moms.

Another clematis it’s so heartwarming to read what you wrote. My husband and I are Bt from oot and live in Bp! It’s so nice to read your positive words about your experience growing up here.
I love living in BP. It kind of feels like a mini Israel to me, especially 13th Ave. I’ve had funny experiences sometimes and have learned a lot so far Bh, but we really like it.
Op just like moving anywhere new iyh you’ll make friends and find your people. You can ask for the class list from the school for your kids’ classes, I found that helps to have other mothers numbers to make play dates, know the homework, and to expand my social circle.
Where will you send to school?
I find mothers are friendly in the park, at stores, etc. I ate out with not yet frum family who came to visit and got no stares or remarks that I noticed, and my family really enjoyed visiting BP as well Smile

Hatzlacha raba!

amother

↑ Foxglove

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 5:58 pm

I am not from boro park but my husband did grow up there so know what its like. When I got married I lived in brooklyn (not boro park) and didnt make any friends all the years I lived in Brooklyn. Its hard to meet people and they aren't very welcoming. And I am not a bt and was one of the most popular kids in my grade who was lierally friends with everybody so was just saying it from experience. Its not an easy place to live if you aren't from there and arent like majority of the people there. Moved away as fast as I could which was years and made friends where I live and met nice people

amother

↑ Heather

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 6:56 pm

I think BP is too big and diverse a place to make such assumptions.
The majority is well dressed but standards vary by neighborhoods and even blocks.
You have snobbier blocks and friendlier blocks.
You have accepting blocks and more rigid blocks.
More frum blocks and more open minded blocks.
It really depends where you live. You have to be lucky to end up with good neighbors.
On the avenue there are so many types walking around no one even looks.

amother

Seagreen ↓

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 7:05 pm

anonymous mom wrote:

1: clothing from Jewish stores for you and the kids
2: hair is brushed and kept short/ mid length in a pony
3: no food in strollers. Strollers are cleaned and vacuumed.
4: wear a shaitel if you're leaving your block.
5: Zebra shades for your windows.
6: Bugaboo, Uppababy, or Doona stroller.
7: kids eat the newest ices and nosh on the market.
8: speak Yiddish to preschool age children.
9: boys wear curly peyos in the front.
10: Designs and names on boys yarmulkas that match their clothing up until 1st grade.
11: pre- school grades are as follows: pre- nursery, nursery, kindergarten, pre-1A. Boys don't have pre-1A, they go straight to kittah aleph. There is no middle school for girls. It's pre-school, elementary school and then high school.
12: boys call their school Cheder and their yarmulkas- kappel.
13: from around 6-7, boys wear a black velvet yarmulkah. Some wear one with 4 "slices" (sections), some chederim make you wear 6"slices".
14: little boys (baby and toddler,up until age 3) don't wear pants from department stores, they wear leggings.
15- shopping for the new season works as follows: in August, shop for YT and winter. Within a week many sizes are sold out. For Pesach and summer, shop in January.
16: girls wear tights from age Nursery in school, but on Sundays and Shabbos they wear socks, up until around 1st grade.
17: little boys wear pretty clothes on Shabbos, not necessarily black and white. From around age 7, they wear a white dress shirt and long black dress pants.
18: clothing is hung to dry and ironed so that the clothes don't pimple or fade.
19: many wear a tennis bracelet and an eternity ring.
20: most people have cleaning help at least once a week. Windows are cleaned on a regular basis.
21: many go away to upstate NY "country" in the summer. The husband's are in BP almost week and they join their families for the weekends.
22: leased cars- in good condition.
23: people send their kids away to family and friends for a week or two after giving birth. Many go to a kimpeturin heim.
24: many go away to their parents and in laws for YT, especially for Pesach for many many years.
25: people bake their own challah for Shabbos.

I'm sure there is more I'm missing. BTW, I did practically non of this when I lived in BP and I just did just fine.

I’m an OOTer who lives in BP now and this list is great.
Outside watching the kids, the moms often wear casual tops (light cute sweatshirt or a tshirt) and black Monte Carlo skirts. Light makeup. Birkenstocks are in now and can be worn outside as slipper/shoe.
Briefcases (what they call knapsacks) are usually classy, you can buy local (from say, Teachers Edition) to fit in.

amother

Strawberry ↓

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 7:18 pm

As someone from bp I find there's so much exaggeration on this thread. On the list of norms, if you do some of that, some of the time you already fit in. For example you don't need to match your kids on a regular weekday but it's more common on shabbos or when visiting family/ chol hamoed. Plenty people dress from non- jewish stores but they look for styles that more closely resemble the jewish brands. Plenty of snoods in the street but less on the busier streets. Definitely ok to wear house clothes when watching your kids outside.

amother

Black

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 7:36 pm

Hey welcome to bp!!
The nicest happiest place to live!! Absolutely love it!

amother

Navyblue

Thu, Jun 06 2024, 8:32 pm

Please explain what baking homemade challa has to do with boro park?
Isn't it a,jewish womans mitzva?
Raised oot I,saw,many women bake challa and plenty of stores selling.
I dont,see any difference in boro park

amother

DarkCyan

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 6:28 am

And what about your house being perfectly clean at all times? The goytas cleaning windows....

amother

↑ Pansy ↓

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 6:52 am

Cheiny wrote:

May I know why you can’t wear a sweatshirt WITH a hood when you’re hanging on the block? Why is that too casual? You have to be formal when hanging on the block?

A hoodie is more for teens or newly marrieds I’m past 30 and don’t think it’s appropriate for me to schlep around wearing a hoodie. I want to be comfortable too so just remove the hoodie and you automatically look more put together. Win win

amother

↑ Burlywood

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 7:08 am

Glad I don't live there. I live in hoodies in early spring and late fall, and I put the hood up for warmth or to shield my face and neck from the sun. Plus I live in denim skirts. And carry a backpack. And shlep my groceries home in a bubby cart if the backpack won't suffice.

amother

↑ Pansy

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 7:19 am

amother Burlywood wrote:

Ok I was talking abt me personally and many women in bp do the same. But if you lived here no one wld care what you do. Some ppl might be judgy but the majority wldnt comment on your cart or hoodie.

amother

↑ Strawberry

Fri, Jun 07 2024, 7:26 am

amother Pansy wrote:

Lots of women wear hoodies in bp, really no issue.

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