Would you prefer only girls or only boys

amother

Gardenia ↓

Tue, Jun 04 2024, 7:12 pm

Voted boys.
1- In my community you are looked down on for having a daughter. Let alone only daughters the shame and humiliation Rolling Eyes

2- boys have way more opportunity to become who they want. Girls have a lot of doors closed because they get told that’s for boys, it’s not safe environment for a girl… also, girls usually put their families first and their jobs reflect that.
3- girls are always told to help and be mature from a young age while boys can do whatever they want bec well boys will be boys am I right Rolling Eyes

4- girls have to deal with periods and pregnancies and idk about you but I’d rather not have that forced upon me.

amother

Molasses ↓

Tue, Jun 04 2024, 7:33 pm

amother Gardenia wrote:

Voted boys.
1- In my community you are looked down on for having a daughter. Let alone only daughters the shame and humiliation Rolling Eyes

4- girls have to deal with periods and pregnancies and idk about you but I’d rather not have that forced upon me.

Are you sefardi? It's sad that girls are looked down upon, but I hear you on the pregnancy part! I have only 1 daughter amongst boys (I wish I had another girl but it wasn't meant to be) but I feel for her already having to go what I went through to get my kids! Pregnancy sickness isn't a joke. Poor girl.
I still voted all girls. I'd obviously want a balance of both, but if I had to choose I'd definitely choose an all girl family.

amother

Blueberry

Tue, Jun 04 2024, 7:38 pm

I voted boys. I only have boys BH. Hashem knew what He was doing when He didn't give me girls, because I wouldn't know what to do with a girl. I wouldn't want to deal with hair every morning or keep up with fashion. Dh claims I'm the only woman who hates shopping and has no interest in flowers. I never had interest in any girly stuff, so if I would have a daughter, she would either have to learn to fend for herself, be a tomboy, or be a neb.

amother

Violet

Tue, Jun 04 2024, 7:40 pm

I vote girls. Currently only have one girl. It feels like my world, I picture myself showing her the ropes (although I know she’ll be smarter than me), but I can still relate.

When I think of sons I seriously struggle with some of the ingrained sexism in my community. While it’s nice to say it all comes from the home, my kid will be exposed to it all over. And raising a child in a community where they believe said son is the goal and mother is the tool sounds challenging.

Hopefully if a boy ever rolls around I’ll know how to deal with it.

amother

↑ Molasses ↓

Tue, Jun 04 2024, 7:40 pm

amother Blueberry wrote:

Wow that's refreshing to hear! I've never heard of an all boy mum being happy about it.

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Jun 04 2024, 7:43 pm

amother Powderblue wrote:

I don’t think I lucked out I set the tone of the house. It’s easy for girls to be ok with it harder to get boys to not climb walls and throw things.

lol… I strongly disagree with you! Yes, you can set the tone, but Hashem decides past that. I have only girls and the mess and chaos and noise here is legit. Some examples: I have two who love gymnastics and movement who climb on and jump off of everything, one who is the cutest klutz so is constantly knocking stuff over (toy towers, food drinks, you name it!), one with major ADHD - with a few extra H H H thrown in there, etc. It’s not the same physical fighting and roughhousing as boys, but it is not calm and clean here by any means. No matter how much I try and set the tone!

And ironically, I was always a tomboy personality. Got along better with my brothers than sisters. Didn’t get involved in drama and had no interest in girly things (my friends and I played lots of sports growing up!). Everyone assumed I would have a boy house one day. I now have a girl house and I embraced it! Obviously it would be wonderful to have the other gender as well, but I love my family bH. But I don’t feel I can vote. I truly think girls are more complex to raise but I haven’t tried with any boys yet 😂

amother

↑ Molasses

Tue, Jun 04 2024, 7:50 pm

amother Tangerine wrote:

So true, and I'm the one with one girl amongst boys knH. Emotionally I think it's harder to raise girls. Mine is only 8, but I can tell already. The friend issues etc. She can be quite draining! My boys just get on with it. I still voted only girls because it's the whole package that I'm looking at. I was so desperate for more girls than boys but I obviously love my boys! And there's something special with having a boy house for my dh. I just wish they'd sing more at the Shabbos meals.

amother

Lime

Tue, Jun 04 2024, 7:53 pm

I only have girls and my friend has only boys so far. We totally can't relate to eachother. I'm busy with school functions and she gets left out of them all. They're all for men.(chassidish)
Our kids aren't teens yet so I know I'll have my hands full once we start with periods and hormones...
But I love my girls to pieces and definitely relate to their experiences.
I do feel bad for dh that he doesn't have someone to take to shul and do special boy stuff with. Husb loves fishing, my girls are all squeamish girly girls. My house is full of coloring and ching Chong. No rough play for the most part

amother

Lightgray

Tue, Jun 04 2024, 9:29 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

Boys boys boys.
I don't relate to girls that well, I guess I'm just more masculine. My brothers are my favorite siblings, I enjoyed hanging out with them and shmoozing with them. There's very little drama in their lives , not that much gossip,and while they were hard teens they did a lot better then my sisters and I.
I myself have one child, a boy, and I dream of giving him loads of brothers some day.

I'm very much the same but I have boys and girls, interestingly I had a few girls and then a few boys, I do feel in a way my girls got the raw end of the deal, they're B"H grown up and all doing well, but I am much more relaxed with my preteen and teen boys.
PS shopping with teenage boys isn't fun!

amother

Eggplant

Tue, Jun 04 2024, 9:30 pm

I feel so lucky that Hashem gave me multiple of each. I would probably feel missing without either.

That being said, I would definitely choose girls. Not having a girl would probably feel like a bigger void for me than not having a boy - though dh would probably say the opposite. And in general I have found my girls so much easier. I can deal with girl kvetchiness and drama much better than I can with my boys’ shenanigans. But my dh is exactly the opposite. He cannot stand the kvetching. He would probably choose boys.

amother

↑ Gardenia ↓

Tue, Jun 04 2024, 9:59 pm

amother Molasses wrote:

Yup I am. Trying to change the situation around here starting with my own family members and friends. It’s like fighting for women’s rights all over again.

amother

Lightblue

Tue, Jun 04 2024, 10:28 pm

Boys
1. Shidduchim
2. I guess I’m insecure in my “girly” abilities. I’m not good at makeup, fashion, cooking, cleaning…I think my girls would be embarrassed of me and I wouldn’t know how to teach them
3. I know everyone’s talking about when they’re married girls being closer but honestly I think I won’t mind a bit of distance. I don’t want to be changing diapers when I’m past that stage! Of course I want to be helpful to my DILs but I think there’s less expected of a MIL than a mother
4. I feel like it’s much harder for girls who are out of the box than boys who are. There are all different types of yeshivas, not so many different types of girls high schools.

And this is the real reason:
5. I’m totally biased because I have 3 boys and I think they’re the most amazing kids in the world. Of course if I had a girl I’d probably feel the same Smile

. But I don’t, so I don’t know that feeling yet.

amother

↑ Trillium

Tue, Jun 04 2024, 10:55 pm

amother Powderblue wrote:

I don’t think I lucked out I set the tone of the house. It’s easy for girls to be ok with it harder to get boys to not climb walls and throw things.

Wow! This is a very arrogant attitude. My girls are who they are because of the personalities that Hashem gave them. They are who they are since birth. It has very little to do with the tone set in my home. I think I do a pretty d@mn good job of "setting a tone". But that doesn't change who my kids are. My kids are the ones who were crawling by 5-6 months and some walked as early as 9 months. They just have a ton of energy and their normal speaking voice is just slightly below a shout. Every story needs to be recounted with lots of dramatics and although I try to "train" them to clean up after themselves from the time they're young toddlers somehow it just never took and not a single one cares about making their bed, putting laundry in the hamper, placing books back on the shelf when done reading them, hanging up their coats, etc (all things expected of them since a young age and that they see modeled by myself and my husband).
So no, your kids are not calm easy going children because you "set the tone", they are like that because Hashem blessed you with children who are calm and easy going.

amother

Nemesia

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 12:02 am

I have six girls in a row followed by six boys in a row. kah. love them all.
I am so glad hashem gave them to me in this order. my heart would have yearned for a girl if I had boys first. My girls are big now and my boys are young. different energy. and different relationship. I think I might have a less emotional/hormonal relationship with my boys and it will be more fun. They aren’t as helpful and I feel like I’m going to have to learn how to manage the kitchen and house alone.
I am definitely lonely when my girls are not home.

amother

Poppy ↓

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 2:27 am

I picked girls.

I have both, and love both equally, but

I'm almost sure I would have felt like I missed out if I hadn't had at least one daughter, but I think I would have been fine with all girls.

If you had asked, "would you rather have 6 boys and 1 girl, or 6 girls and 1 boy", I wouldn't have cared. But I really desired at least one girl.

amother

Moccasin

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 3:55 am

I chose girls because I grew up with a lot of sisters under me and I'm used to a girls family. I feel like I don't know how to relate to my boys (they are 1 and 4)! I struggle to connect with my son who came after my oldest, a girl. I really identify with her because I'm an oldest...