Would you be upset if your sibling

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↑ ora_43

Thu, May 23 2024, 4:24 am

I do think you could also try talking to your sister, but you have to be really careful not to cross the line into pestering her. Like, you could say exactly once, "I really want to be at the bar mitzva, but I'm having trouble making arrangements for (toddler). Would it be an option for us to bring him and for dh to take him out if he's not behaving? Or would that be too complicated?"

(the final line is to make it easier for her to say 'no' if it's no. you need to make it clear that if she says no you'll accept that as a reasonable decision and won't hold it against her)

One other thought, though - if the problem is that the kid won't sleep at a sitter and so will be cranky and awful, won't that be a problem at the event, too? It's going to be real hard to sleep in a strange place full of strange people who are all talking and making noise - no?

singleagain

Thu, May 23 2024, 6:10 am

If it is really important for the host to have parents there without their children and the switching off thing might be too far... It would be considerate of the host to hire a babysitter on premise or nearby. But sometimes that is extra money they don't have.

In any case, I think it's Miss Manners who says, an invitation is not a summons. And, a host should not be upset if a guest declines to come for any reason. They should especially understand if they are inviting a parent to a child free event.

But a guest should definitely not insist on bringing their child anyways, that is just the height of rudeness.

↑ mommy3b2c

Thu, May 23 2024, 6:43 am

amother Lightcyan wrote:

So you are better than the rest of us.

I don’t see how your comment is helpful or contributing to the conversation.

It’s very relevant . It’s in response to people arguing that bar mitzvahs are elegant and therefore children don’t belong there . But you knew that …

amother

Peony

Thu, May 23 2024, 12:31 pm

To my MIL, having all her grandkids at a simcha is a highlight.
She hosted my son's pidyon haben, so as a host, she invited them ALL. We're talking about approximately 40 kids running in and out of the hall during a simcha where a meal is being served. Toddlers, five year olds, older kids, everyone was there.
I didn't mind, as I understood my in laws were hosting. But would I make a simcha myself where there is a meal being served, I absolutely wouldn't want that type of decorum. I also wouldn't mind if one sister brought a kid because she had no alternative, but if it becomes a kids' event, they easily outnumber the adults in number.

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