How to deal with dd 4, running into bedroom whenever upset

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 5:17 pm

I'm not sure what's the right way to deal with my 4 year old daughter.
She's a kid which strong emotions and doesn't know how to except something that is out of "her" way. Like when I say no, or later, or she finds that someone took the food she had in mind to eat, or friends aren't playing the game she wanted to play....
So whenever she gets upset (which can happen 1- 5 times a day) she'll run into her bedroom, shut the door, kick off her shoes and hair accessories and will cry hysterically.

My short term question is- what am I suppose to do when she's in her bedroom, should I go in to calm her or wait for her to come out and talk outside?

In the long run- how do I deal with such a kid? She's getting sooo disregulated. For this part I want to add more details.So first of all she's the youngest out of 2 kids. She's a very bright and mature kid, her teacher's love her, they say that she has a strong positive influence on the class, she's kind a leader in school but in a bubbly and fun way.
She has some strong sensory needs, she'll go crazy over anything that's cozy or furry, she likes all animals or pets that are cozy including chickens and cats. Whenever I wear something velour she's gonna stick around me all day and touch. She can randamly massage my bre*sts saying that it's cozy.
She can be very rigit with which outfits she chooses to wear, she only likes the ones that has flowers or the like so out of her 12 weekday sets she's only using around 5.
She can have full blown tantrums usually at home but sometimes in public places. She'll throw herself on the floor, kick off her shoes and will kick and scream, everything around her will be knocked off, when this happens in a grocery all the items on the shelves next to her will find it's way on the floor.
She's very implosive.

We got her evaluated and we were told that she's extremely bright live above her age level, she passed certain tests they give to 7 year olds, she was able to master puzzles that 7 year olds still have difficulty with. So they said that she needs more stimulation for her brain and she didn't get that in preschool. This year she started to learn some stuff like Hebrew letters, numbers, we hope it will fill her.

I feel like I discribed here a difficult child, but in reality she's pretty easy natured except when something happens

amother

Coffee

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 5:19 pm

I actually think it’s amazing that she has her safe space and a way she deals her emotions. I’d leave her to work it out herself and calm down.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 5:26 pm

amother Coffee wrote:

I actually think it’s amazing that she has her safe space and a way she deals her emotions. I’d leave her to work it out herself and calm down.

Thank you, that's what I thought as well but I felt guilty

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 5:30 pm

It sounds like she might be more sensory and that could make her more likely to get overwhelmed. I agree that it sounds like she feels she has a safe space which is great. You can look into sending her to OT as that can help her learn to regulate more, and other strategies she could maybe use.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 5:33 pm

amother Aubergine wrote:

Thank this makes a lot of sense. She wasn't approved for OT as she mastered everything they tested her. She did score high in the sensory section

amother

Crimson

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 6:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank this makes a lot of sense. She wasn't approved for OT as she mastered everything they tested her. She did score high in the sensory section

Take her to private OT, school based is different.

amother

NeonPink

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 6:48 pm

Sounds like she could benefit from reflex integration.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 6:53 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

Take her to private OT, school based is different.

If I insist on getting OT in school we can get since she scored high in sensory, they didn't feel there is a strong need.
Can you or anyone explain me more on how she can benefit from it?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 6:53 pm

amother NeonPink wrote:

Sounds like she could benefit from reflex integration.

Can you explain why you think so?
Thanks

amother

Thistle

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 6:57 pm

My daughter is also 4 and just like this! I think it’s a combination of being very smart (also emotionally smart) for their age and deeply feeling. Today my daughter got upset that she couldn’t stand where her brother was and ran to a corner and hid her face. She said to me “no one can make me happy.” I said “that’s true. But I love you even when you’re sad and angry.” She melted. She wanted me to hold her after that. I think this is the key—giving love and accepting her brilliance and deep emotion. Showing you love her even with the intensity.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 4:26 pm

I would appreciate if anyone else can chip in

amother

Stonewash

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 4:29 pm

This is really not unusual for gifted kids.
Check out giftedspace.com see if it resonates.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 4:43 pm

amother Stonewash wrote:

This is really not unusual for gifted kids.
Check out giftedspace.com see if it resonates.

Umm. What do you call gifted kids?

I'll check that out, thanks

amother

Snapdragon

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 4:48 pm

I wonder if you can put sensory friendly equipment into her bedroom such as a beanbag chair or swing to help her calm down. A coloring book, playdough

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 4:50 pm

amother Snapdragon wrote:

I wonder if you can put sensory friendly equipment into her bedroom such as a beanbag chair or swing to help her calm down. A coloring book, playdough

Great idea, like to enhance her safe spot. She'll love it.
Thanks

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Nov 18 2024, 8:56 pm

amother Stonewash wrote:

This is really not unusual for gifted kids.
Check out giftedspace.com see if it resonates.

Oh wow I checked it out and she's so like that! Amazing!
I never knew it has a word.... Is it a kind of accepted diagnosis or just a term of use?

amother

↑ OP

Sat, Nov 23 2024, 6:58 pm

Bumping for more.
She was so sweat this shabbas yet so difficult at times...