Loan for bar Mitzva

amother

↑ Mimosa ↓

Thu, May 16 2024, 11:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

The caterer told me I need to pay for mashgiach and waiters

I am paying for tefillin not parents so that’s included in 20,000

If you want suggestions there are many great ideas on this thread. (We only had part of the Tefillin covered)
I did want to do printed invitations but I did postcard size, much cheaper on invitations and postage.
Why not ask parents and grandparents annd siblings openly if they’re planning on gifting if they can contribute. The Tefillin bag was $300 that all our siblings chipped in to cover.

amother

Copper

Thu, May 16 2024, 11:40 pm

amother Camellia wrote:

No jacket? No white shirts? Dress pants? Dress shoes (which are over 150 dollars nowadays)?

A lot of the time they need to start wearing the white shirts, dress pants at the beginning of 7th or 8th grade but they might not be bar mitzvah until later so you already spent the money for the clothes months ago and aren't re-buying the wardrobe at bar mitzvah time.

There are also plenty of shoe sales or cheaper stores where you can buy dress shoes for under $100 for boys.

amother

↑ Magnolia ↓

Fri, May 17 2024, 12:26 am

amother Oleander wrote:

Which community? I live in Lakewood and my son did not change his dress after bar Mitzva other than wearing a hat.

Hat and jacket for weekday, hat for shabbos. White shirts, dress pants and dress shoes for weekday. Wool coat, rain coat with hood for hat. Also they grow like crazy at this age so wouldn’t actually recommend buying too much in advance.

amother

↑ Magnolia

Fri, May 17 2024, 12:27 am

amother Copper wrote:

Don’t waste your money on those, they shred their shoes unless they’re really solid.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, May 17 2024, 12:33 am

amother Mimosa wrote:

t

$300? That’s a lot
I got my son a leather tefillin bag at torah treasures for $160

amother

↑ Mimosa

Fri, May 17 2024, 8:38 am

amother OP wrote:

t

$300? That’s a lot
I got my son a leather tefillin bag at torah treasures for $160

We had it gifted from siblings so I went to Keter and let DS choose whatever he wanted. Cost me nothing Smile

My point is that even though I could have covered the $300 myself there are ways to cut costs. Assuming that parents, grandparents, and siblings will be gifting ask them for something like this that helps with your costs.
Before taking out a loan there are many things you can cut and still make a beautiful Simcha.

↑ small bean ↓

Fri, May 17 2024, 9:58 am

amother Mimosa wrote:

We had it gifted from siblings so I went to Keter and let DS choose whatever he wanted. Cost me nothing Smile

I disagree with this method. If someone wants to give a gift, it should not be something that you will buy regardless.

Things you need to buy and the actual event should be budgeted so you can afford it. Nothing needs to be done a certain way.

The way I did it for both my boys (and iyH will do the same when it comes to weddings) is asked my boys what's most important to them and what they want the end result to be and then worked off that. BH they were both very happy and the entire thing was less than 10k. They got most of what they wanted.

keym

Fri, May 17 2024, 10:14 am

small bean wrote:

I agree with you.

My siblings gave a gift. They actually didn't care if they gave me the photographer, a shas for my son, or paid for the chairs rental.
However the gift is my sons not mine. And therefore it's his to choose.
If he would rather an upgraded band, then yeah he can choose that.
But obviously he'd prefer the shas than chairs rental. It would be wrong if me to use his gift money for things my son doesn't care about.

I actually separated my bar mitzvah budget into 4 categories.
1) things he NEEDS (tefillin, bag, 1 hat, 1 jacket)
2) clothes that his school requires (this I actually didn't buy for his bar mitzvah. I bought for 7th and 8th grade and bought cheap because they're still growing
3) things my son wanted
4) things I wanted

I asked each of my boys what they wanted and I prioritized that in my budget. Kugel and cholent at Kiddush vs very small seuda, music and friends at the seuda vs just rugelach Kiddush.

↑ small bean ↓

Fri, May 17 2024, 10:29 am

I want to add the only thing I did for myself regarding my son's bar mitzvah was I gave out tehillims instead of benches or mincha/maarivv. I think Noone needs more benches or mincha/maarivs. I wanted something that was bigger then ourselves and I put a label inside saying leyushuas acheinu or something like that. It was very simple, not pretty or elegant.

My son really didn't like it, but I told him so many people are suffering and we need to think outside ourselves and our "perfect" lives. I hope it's a lesson that will stay with him.

The tehillims had benching.

Other then that it wasn't about me, it was about my son.

amother

Maple

Fri, May 17 2024, 10:36 am

small bean wrote:

I very much agree. Find out what parts are most important to them. You can cut back on other areas. Not every single thing for the bar mitzvah needs to be top tier. It's for the bar mitzvah boy, not about impressing others.

amother

↑ Honeydew

Fri, May 17 2024, 10:41 am

small bean wrote:

My son's was $375 and he told me kids in his class was over $400. There's a huge range there.

We got an absolutely beautiful, stylish, high quality leather tefillin bag for about $150. Within three past year.
I can't understand why parents give into ridiculous trends.

↑ small bean

Fri, May 17 2024, 11:02 am

amother Honeydew wrote:

We got an absolutely beautiful, stylish, high quality leather tefillin bag for about $150. Within three past year.
I can't understand why parents give into ridiculous trends.

I sort of agree. My son's is not stylish though.

I think a tefilin bag should be something you love and special to you. He's not getting another one hopefully until marriage.

That's my opinion, and therefore I was happy to put my money there. I didn't look at prices and the sky was the limit. If I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't of let. My point just was there's a huge range.

amother

↑ OP

Sat, May 18 2024, 10:56 pm

amother Mimosa wrote:

I’m not making my son use his present money to pay for his bar Mitzva. His presents are his and I paid for his tefillin bag. He got a beautiful leather one for $160 so why spend $300?