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Forum
-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Who pays for clothes?
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| The parents |
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36% |
[ 62 ] |
| The girl |
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16% |
[ 27 ] |
| Parents pay for basics, girl pays for extras |
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41% |
[ 69 ] |
| Parents give girl a clothing allowance and she spends it as she likes |
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4% |
[ 8 ] |
| Other |
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1% |
[ 2 ] |
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| Total Votes : 168 |
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amother
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 Wed, May 15 2024, 12:48 pm
If you have a daughter who is post seminary and lives at home, who pays for her clothes? (Assuming she works)
You can also answer the poll if you are recently married and were the post sem girl living at home.
Also, what are the pros and cons of parents paying for the clothes, vs having the girl pay for them.
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ShishKabob
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Wed, May 15 2024, 12:49 pm
It really depends if the girl works / if the parents are able to pay for it / and if the parents are struggling to pay their bills themselves.
It's not a one size fit's all answer.
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amother
Oleander
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Wed, May 15 2024, 12:53 pm
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I think it also depends who she’s shopping with.
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amother
Aubergine
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Wed, May 15 2024, 12:54 pm
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By me the parents payed. But I like the idea of allowing an amount per season and letting the girl figure it out. Makes her think if it's really necessary to buy a 600(or 1200) dollar coat or rather spend more on a friends wedding dress or a few more outfits. She cant always rely on Tottys credit card
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amother
Lightgray
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Wed, May 15 2024, 12:55 pm
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I’m in this parsha now. We pay for dd clothes and she pays for extras like coffees, manicures, gifts for her friends, and if she wants an item that’s more than I want to spend she’ll pay the difference. We want her to save as much as possible now.
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amother
Steelblue
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Wed, May 15 2024, 1:07 pm
We're a bunch of girls kh. My parents paid for basic clothing, shoes... and for anything extra we wanted, we paid ourselves. My parents did encourage us to save our money rather then spend it.
Many of my friends started paying themselves for all their needs & necessities once they started working.
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amother
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Wed, May 15 2024, 1:09 pm
Not there yet. But if I felt my DD was generally responsible, hardworking, productively occupied, and sensible in her spending, I wouldn't mind paying for most or all of her expenses, even the occasional manicures and iced coffees, and letting her save whatever she's earning for the future. BH my husband and I are comfortable enough that our own expenses wouldn't be a concern.
If she was sleeping til noon and then wanting to spend the rest of her day getting takeout and shopping for clothes, I would not be interested in subsidizing that.
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amother
Lawngreen
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Wed, May 15 2024, 1:10 pm
Once we were working we paid for our own things. My parents paid for food in the house, shampoo, feminine products....
But any clothing and extras (eating out, activities, etc) we used our own money
The reason we (sisters) were resentful was that our brothers just swiped my parents cc
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Cookin4days
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Wed, May 15 2024, 1:10 pm
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My parents paid for everything but bh they were able to. I hope to be able to do the same, if not atleast pay for basics etc
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amother
Phlox
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Wed, May 15 2024, 1:18 pm
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It really depends if she is in school or working
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Bnei Berak 10
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Wed, May 15 2024, 1:24 pm
| amother Lawngreen wrote: | Once we were working we paid for our own things. My parents paid for food in the house, shampoo, feminine products....
But any clothing and extras (eating out, activities, etc) we used our own money
The reason we (sisters) were resentful was that our brothers just swiped my parents cc |
Did your brothers work?
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amother
Forsythia
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Wed, May 15 2024, 1:50 pm
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This wasn't something my mother discussed with me, but intuitively I used her cc to pay for a basic wardrobe. Anything more than that I paid using the money I earned from working. I also used her cc to pay for basic food and meals, and my own when I went out to restaurants with friends. Etc. They were financially comfortable, so it's possible I would have done differently if that were not the case. Also this is when I was working and in college/ grad school. Once I was working full time in my profession I think I would have shifted to using my own money for all clothing.
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amother
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Wed, May 15 2024, 1:56 pm
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Growing up I paid for extras like designer clothing or a bag. A couple of times if I needed stuff I couldn’t afford I asked my parents to help pay for it. They’re very generous though I’m grateful that they still help with extras for us.
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amother
Blushpink
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Wed, May 15 2024, 2:10 pm
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amother
Vermilion
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Wed, May 15 2024, 2:15 pm
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I paid for all my own clothes and things once I started working. I don't see the problem. There's still plenty of money left to save! My parents provided me with a place to live, food and insurance. Everything else was on me.
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amother
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Wed, May 15 2024, 2:20 pm
When I was single my grandmother would buy me some really gorgeous clothes for Shabbos in Manhattan. I would pay for all my other clothes.
Now my daughters pay for their clothes. B"H they have good jobs. For Chassunas I will pay.
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amother
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Wed, May 15 2024, 2:28 pm
Hmm. Seems like I'm in the minority.
My oldest daughter started paying for her own clothes and extras since she was in high school, iirc. We never discussed it. She just did it on her own. Maybe part of it was that I am not a shopper, so my girls go shopping with a friend or each other, but not with me.
Also, maybe part of it is that we do struggle to pay bills. We are not living in poverty, but money is a concern.
My oldest dd was the responsible type. Not the type to splurge on eating out, expensive clothes, manicures or whatnot. She took almost any babysitiing job she coukd get and saved her money. She also paid for extra school functions, like GO and Bnos convention, etc. She would occasionally ask me to split an expense, which I agreed to. She used her own money for seminary expenses. Now she is married and her husband is the same. Frugal, but they aren't stingy with themselves. They get what they need. She got married with a nice amount in her bank account.
My next daughter started paying for her clothes post seminary. Again, it was never discussed, she just took her cue from her older sister. But she has more expensive taste than her sister and has less of the saver mentality. I think paying for her own clothes is really important for her, to help her learn a bit of budgeting.
She mentioned recently that her best friend doesn't pay for anything other than her vacations. Her parents pay for everything else. Her friend has a well paying job, and has a lot of money saved up. (Her family is considered very comfortable.)
I wondered which way is more common.
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amother
Lavender
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Wed, May 15 2024, 2:30 pm
When I was single and started working my father sat me down. He told me he'd continue to support me (room, board, clothing within reason) on condition I invested most of my salary. It was the best thing. I went into marriage with about 30K invested and that investment has grown in the 20+ years I'm married.
I wasn't a big spender so I guess my father felt comfortable saying he'd buy my clothing for me.
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AlwaysCleaning
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Wed, May 15 2024, 2:31 pm
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My parents paid for shabbos clothes/shoes, I was expected to pay for weekday clothes.
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amother
Seagreen
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Wed, May 15 2024, 3:16 pm
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From when I started working I gave my paychecks to my dad and in exchange I had no expenses.
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