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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
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Mon, May 13 2024, 10:31 pm
CPenzias wrote: | My husband bought me an edible arrangement. Everyone takes from it. I don't mind. He thought of me and that matters most. But I'm not pregnant |
If your policy is that everyone is welcome to help himself, that's fine, but that is clearly not OP's policy.
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smss
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Mon, May 13 2024, 10:33 pm
I'd be upset too OP. Especially if I were pregnant!
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amother
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Mon, May 13 2024, 10:37 pm
amother Aqua wrote: | What's your issue? You can't understand we all see the world differently? Oh please yourself. He clearly doesn't know his wife and he should have. Her feelings are valid and it's super weird to call it sweet. |
I think its super weird your being so harsh on him. I know your trying to validate op but in doing so your fueling her anger towards her husband. I get shes annoyed I would probably be too if I was pregnant. But maybe she can see the humor in his impulsiveness and still his love for her and forgive him
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zaq
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Mon, May 13 2024, 10:39 pm
amother Narcissus wrote: | I still don’t see what is sweet about it. It was a gift he gave her. He should have asked. I think it’s weird he ate them without asking. I guess the rest of you have better relationships with your husbands.
When you get someone a gift it’s THEIRS. Of course if he asked I would share but it’s something he should ask.
It just loses its specialness otherwise I feel like.
That’s just how I see it but obviously I’m in the minority here. |
What's the point of giving someone a gift if you're gonna take part of it back, and without even asking permission? It gives the impression that he really bought it because he wanted it but was too embarrassed to buy it for himself, so he presented it to dw under the guise of getting her a gift, with the intent of having some for himself. It cheapens the gift IMO, quite aside from the issue of boundaries.
Would you give someone a gift with the stipulation that you get to take back a portion of it?
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amother
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Mon, May 13 2024, 10:43 pm
amother OP wrote: | I’m just wondering if I’m being completely irrational. Yes, I realize there are much bigger issues in the world so don’t have at me. But seriously if your DH bought you a box of chocolates which you specifically requested as the ONLY gift you wanted for Mother’s Day and then snuck a few would you be bothered? |
now this is a funny thread!
who wouldn't sneak some?! lol
but ye - I get it....
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amother
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Mon, May 13 2024, 10:45 pm
amother Gold wrote: | I think its super weird your being so harsh on him. I know your trying to validate op but in doing so your fueling her anger towards her husband. I get shes annoyed I would probably be too if I was pregnant. But maybe she can see the humor in his impulsiveness and still his love for her and forgive him |
I think people don't realize how bad it is to invalidate someone and paint the wrong doer as a nice innocent person. Maybe this works for you but it doesn't work for most people. It just stings.
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amother
Cornsilk
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Mon, May 13 2024, 10:45 pm
zaq wrote: | What's the point of giving someone a gift if you're gonna take part of it back, and without even asking permission? It gives the impression that he really bought it because he wanted it but was too embarrassed to buy it for himself, so he presented it to dw under the guise of getting her a gift, with the intent of having some for himself. It cheapens the gift IMO, quite aside from the issue of boundaries.
Would you give someone a gift with the stipulation that you get to take back a portion of it? |
Matana Al Menas Lehachazir (bet he does that with his Lulav every year!)
I don't think that taking some of your wife's chocolates is a kind, thoughtful, mature or responsible thing to do.
I also don't think it's a major issue. So he's imperfect! He's human! Hopefully he'll do better next time.
Save the real frustration for the real stuff and let this one go.
In the meantime, a 3/4 full box of chocolates is still a gift. Appreciate it! (And if you need to, remind him that a full box of chocolates is even better. Or offer him a kiss for every chocolate you actually received. That might be an incentive for more self control next time...)
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amother
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Mon, May 13 2024, 10:46 pm
amother Gold wrote: | I think its super weird your being so harsh on him. I know your trying to validate op but in doing so your fueling her anger towards her husband. I get shes annoyed I would probably be too if I was pregnant. But maybe she can see the humor in his impulsiveness and still his love for her and forgive him |
I'm sure her marriage isn't falling apart over this. Have more faith in her. She's upset, he did something selfish, we can be honest about the facts. No one is fueling anything. Just helping her process her very real feelings about facts.
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amother
Celeste
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Mon, May 13 2024, 10:46 pm
I totally understand you op. I would be very bothered. If I were pregnant I’d be livid 😡 for all of you that won’t mind I think your husbands are lucky to have you
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amother
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Mon, May 13 2024, 10:47 pm
amother Gold wrote: | I think its super weird your being so harsh on him. I know your trying to validate op but in doing so your fueling her anger towards her husband. I get shes annoyed I would probably be too if I was pregnant. But maybe she can see the humor in his impulsiveness and still his love for her and forgive him |
Honestly, I’m not angry just annoyed. It’s the principal for me that when you buy a gift for someone it’s theirs.
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Light1234
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Mon, May 13 2024, 10:48 pm
No because I would make him buy me another one, 😂
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amother
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Mon, May 13 2024, 10:50 pm
Women on imamother are passionate about potato kugel, their therapists, and chocolate, though not necessarily in that order.
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Light1234
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Mon, May 13 2024, 10:50 pm
amother OP wrote: | Honestly, I’m not angry just annoyed. It’s the principal for me that when you buy a gift for someone it’s theirs. |
True.
I think men feel they have a right to eat everything because they're men. I see it in my male relatives. Like they have first dibs. Annoying
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amother
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Mon, May 13 2024, 10:50 pm
zaq wrote: | What's the point of giving someone a gift if you're gonna take part of it back, and without even asking permission? It gives the impression that he really bought it because he wanted it but was too embarrassed to buy it for himself, so he presented it to dw under the guise of getting her a gift, with the intent of having some for himself. It cheapens the gift IMO, quite aside from the issue of boundaries.
Would you give someone a gift with the stipulation that you get to take back a portion of it? |
Exactly.
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amother
Apple
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Mon, May 13 2024, 10:55 pm
I can see both DH and I doing the same thing. Honestly, I find the responses here so over the top.
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B'Syata D'Shmya
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Mon, May 13 2024, 11:01 pm
amother OP wrote: | I’m just wondering if I’m being completely irrational. Yes, I realize there are much bigger issues in the world so don’t have at me. But seriously if your DH bought you a box of chocolates which you specifically requested as the ONLY gift you wanted for Mother’s Day and then snuck a few would you be bothered? |
No. And it goes both ways.
But you are not me, and if you are bothered, tell him, make him celebrate Mothers Day again and bring you another box just for you and he can buy for himself a box to celebrate Fathers Day.
You are married to a human, not a robot. Flaws and all...
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B'Syata D'Shmya
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Mon, May 13 2024, 11:05 pm
Light1234 wrote: | True.
I think men feel they have a right to eat everything because they're men. I see it in my male relatives. Like they have first dibs. Annoying |
Impulsivity is related to testosterone levels. So consider yourself as having a healthy husband.
See this for reference:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/p.....2699/
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amother
Babypink
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Mon, May 13 2024, 11:22 pm
I suggest: lawyer up and file for divorce.
If possible check his drawers and pockets he might have more chocolate hidden.
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amother
Mint
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Mon, May 13 2024, 11:28 pm
My dh didn’t even acknowledge Mother’s Day….
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