S/O of lazy.... Is screentime so bad?

amother

↑ Valerian

Sun, May 12 2024, 11:44 am

amother Firethorn wrote:

But it’s not realistic to rid the entire world of it. And it brings people brief moments of happiness. Isn’t a better response to use it in healthy moderation? And sure for some kids, both candy and screens are worse than for others. I just don’t think it’s black and white.

For sure you don’t have to rid the whole world of it. But if someone’s kids have issues it’s the first thing they should moderate or cut out.

amother

↑ Amethyst ↓

Sun, May 12 2024, 11:46 am

amother Latte wrote:

I'll chime in as a special education teacher who brought up my kids without screens. They watched Uncle Moishe and other frum videos on rare occasions. We have a house full of books, puzzles, toys, games, crafts... Yes it's a lot of work but it pays off. They all have excellent skills B"H and have done very well academically. You need nature and nurture for kids to develop and screens unfortunately don't help. My kids left at home actually don't even ask for it they keep busy with books and games.

There is nothing wrong with a house full of toys, games, crafts, books, and videos. My kids also have excellent social emotional and academic skills.
I avoid many tantrums from an overtired four year old after school with some relaxing video time. After a video she is ready to function again.

amother

Bisque

Sun, May 12 2024, 8:36 pm

As an adult who had a decent amount of screen time as a child (normal frum family upbringing)
I find it hard to decompress and relax without screen time. I also feel resentful if I can't get it. I also watch things I am not really okay with because I need to relax and toveedo is just not interesting to an adult.

So think about the fact that you are instilling in your kids that this is how they decompress. And that "middah" will be ingrained in thier psyche. Would that bother you? Like even if they want to stop it'll be so so hard.

amother

Oldlace

Sun, May 12 2024, 8:46 pm

Yes 2-3 hrs a day if screentime is damaging for your children. Otoh having a mother who is stressed and screaming is worse for them. I used it as a lifeline at a certain point in my life when I had depression and was raising 2 special needs children so I understand not to judge. It seems like you are asking about ideal conditions and in that case, it's bad for the kids to watch that much and there's reason to discontinue the practice.

amother

Black

Sun, May 12 2024, 9:04 pm

amother Alyssum wrote:

I am in the camp of unlimited screen time is really detrimental to kids. Especially below the age of 8. I am a preschool teacher and you can tell which kids have more screen time. My dh is also in chinuch and he says the same. I reserve screen time for specific times. My kids learn to love reading, playing on their own, play outside, do puzzles, etc.
I think it is ok if limited to maybe max an hour a day, but the less the better.

I am curious what differences you and your husband see in children with/without screen time.

amother

↑ Peony

Sun, May 12 2024, 9:07 pm

giftedmom wrote:

The screentime of your childhood is not the same as the screentime of today, that has unlimited options and no ads.

I grew up with cable, so I had lots of options. We also owned hundreds of VHS/DVDs.

And ads are actually worse, so it’s a good thing kids don’t have to sit through them..

↑ giftedmom

Sun, May 12 2024, 9:24 pm

amother Peony wrote:

I grew up with cable, so I had lots of options. We also owned hundreds of VHS/DVDs.

And ads are actually worse, so it’s a good thing kids don’t have to sit through them..

Do yourself a favor and turn on a movie from your childhood vs the children’s shows of today. It’s just not the same period.
And Cable you still had to watch what was on right?
Not to mention the screen was in a fixed place and kids didn’t have their own tablets

tichellady ↓

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:02 pm

amother Cadetblue wrote:

Re your neighbor- it's not like the only two options are allow unlimited screens or yell at your kids. I know many many people who don't give any screentime and they are excellent parents, have lots of patience for their kids, sit and play with them, involve them in what they're doing... I think your neighbor is just not a great parent, and she probably wouldn't be much better with screens.
Screens stunt children's imagination. Everything is being fed to them and their brain is doing zero while sitting there. But take that child and give them some lego and mentchies, and they will build a city and be busy for hours, entertained by their own imagination.
Screens can be great for traveling, for Friday afternoons, as a special treat, but they shouldn't be idealized

Totally disagree. I use screens as a tool when I need a break so I don’t yell at my kids.
I don’t think parents are either great or not, they sometimes need a break so they can be great parents

amother

NeonBlue

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:03 pm

amother Bisque wrote:

This is written very well. I grew up without screens and dh grew up with. He still needs to fall asleep every single night to reruns of friends/the office/big bang etc. I never ever watch shows unless I’m really sick (which is almost never bh) it’s something he can’t kick from his system. We are raising our kids with screen time only Friday afternoon (after 2 pm pickup, baths chores and early Shabbos it’s max an hr & I allow Sunday morning)
But Sundays if I run out to do an errand and leave DH with kids I can guarantee I’ll come home to them all watching. This is how he copes. Bh it doesn’t bother me much cuz I do 99% of the chinuch and I’m mostly against it but I see how addictive it can be …

↑ tichellady

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:05 pm

amother Bisque wrote:

I hear that but as someone who was shamed about screen time I am very and at relaxing when it is actually exactly what I need in my life right now. Not saying there’s one perfect approach just pointing that out too

amother

Mulberry

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:38 pm

As someone who grew up around unlimited screen time, yes, it's bad. Even kosher content is not good for children. You lose so much creativity and social skills when you are plugged in at all times.
What message does that send your child? We all know that when we ourselves plug in, it's because we want to just chill. How long should we be chilling each day? 2 hours? 5 hours? Seems like a lot of time spent on absolutley nothing.

I'm not a perfect parent, my children have screen time here and there, but it's absolutley not the go-to activity. Like maybe an hour's worth per week. And this is not entirely a frum thing. As I said, even if it's all kosher, I don't think it's good for their development. I rather them spend most of their time with productive, active or creative persuits. Even chilling with a book or some music is a better option than a screen.

amother

↑ Amethyst ↓

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:53 pm

amother Bisque wrote:

Nope not worried. I'm sorry it's hard for you but there's a leap between watching and watching things you aren't proud of.
Besides as my kids grow they watch less and less. Totally not worried.

amother

↑ Amethyst

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:56 pm

amother Amethyst wrote:

Nope not worried. I'm sorry it's hard for you but there's a leap between watching and watching things you aren't proud of.
Besides as my kids grow they watch less and less. Totally not worried.

I'm getting hugged lately. I am loved.

↑ ora_43 ↓

Mon, May 13 2024, 2:04 am

giftedmom wrote:

The screentime of your childhood is not the same as the screentime of today, that has unlimited options and no ads.

This is such an important point.

Another big difference is that programming today tends to be more attention-grabbing in unhealthy ways. Faster shifts between angles/scenes, brighter colors. Basically built to be addictive in a way that kids' TV wasn't just 20-30 years ago.

↑ ora_43

Mon, May 13 2024, 2:08 am

But really, it's not all good or all bad. It's more about amount, quality, etc. Letting a toddler watch an hour of TV so mom can sleep (like a prev poster said) is a really good use of TV. It's not that an hour of TV is great for a toddler brain, but it's not terrible, and having a mom who's slept properly is great.

Letting older kids watch a little TV so they feel like they aren't missing out, they know the same shows their friends know, they're doing something they enjoy, whatever - all that is good. Giving mom and dad an hour of quiet is also good.

It's all about finding the balance.

camp123

Mon, May 13 2024, 3:40 am

Totally depends on your kids.
If you see kids are fine with what you are doing it's ok. A lot of kids won't be fine , but some will. The main think is that they prefer other activities, they don't rely on it too much, they are happy and excited about other things. Personally I prefer playing simple games on the screen to watching. But, there's no one size fits all.

AlwaysGrateful

Mon, May 13 2024, 7:15 am

I'm still stuck on the "no more than three hours daily" thing. Say the kids are in school and only get home at around 4 pm. Bedtime for little kids is what, 7:30? 8? 8:30 maybe? That's around 4 hours. Some of that time has to be doing a bit of homework and eating dinner and getting ready for bed. How on earth do they have time for three hours of screentime? And how are they getting in all that reading and creative play?

My kids don't get screentime, and even then I often feel that they don't have enough downtime to just BE. To play games with their siblings, tell me about their days, relax on the couch with a book, play outside when the weather is nice. Because there's so little time between school and bed, especially when you factor in how long the bedtime routine takes, and how it long it takes for a family dinner...

amother

↑ Beige

Mon, May 13 2024, 8:18 am

giftedmom wrote:

I really don't think toveedo etc is in the same category as today's shows. OP - and I - have one computer which is in a public place. I would never allow tablets.

It worked out for me, but it really is an individual thing and you have to know your kids (and yourself).

As a kid, we didn't have any screens at all and I had plenty of time to BE. I don't necessarily recommend it.