Bar Mitzvah Under 10k

amother

OP ↓

Sun, May 12 2024, 9:19 pm

Is it still possible these days to make a bar mitzvah under 10k? All in (clothing, kiddush, actual meal etc. besides for tefillin). This is in Lakewood area.

We still have 5 years to go but honestly we don’t own a house, live paycheck to paycheck and I am very nervous. We never went into debt before (always pay cc on time) and not planing to do so for this. We can feasibly save 10k but anything more is stressing me out.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:08 pm

Maybe the boy won't think a party is necessary.

He leins, he's Bar Mitzvah.

Coffee, cake, schnapps, and mazel tov, new suit, and Tfillin of course. That's not ten thousand.

Maybe that's enough.

There is an Eleventh Commandment, "Thou shall not be an idiot."

Going into debt is being an idiot.

A bit of groaning might be necessary at a wedding, but a Bar Mitzvah? What are you proving? There's no other family to impress.

Don't put fantasies into his head.

Save the money anyway. But you make the decision that it is for his future, his long term future. Don't ask him if he wants a party. He might be just silly enough to want one, at that young age.

amother

White ↓

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:14 pm

Bh made a few bar mitzvas includingthis yr. Prices go up every year, but even our most recent was under 10. total was in
$7000 not including tefillin. Higher end Weekday event 75 people, catered hall , musician, photographer, benchers sweet stand, hot dishes stop by guest... all clothing, leather tefillin bag, shabbos Kiddush (cake herring kugel soda shnapps)

HonesttoGod

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:26 pm

It depends on so much.

How many people r u inviting?
Music ? Or Spotify playlist?
How many kids do you have?
Are you chasidish (beketshes can be $$)?
Do you have to make a kiddush for men AND ladies?
Will you get a new wig?

Theoretically yes $8K can be enough if you have simple meal. No upgrades. Simple photographer , no music or newish musician, no ladies kiddush. No new wig and only a couple kids. Only family for the Seudah etc.

amother

Yolk ↓

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:28 pm

amother White wrote:

Where do you live that a higher end Weekdsy event with a sweet table etc was $7K including clothes and all?
I just made a super super simple Bm in Brooklyn and before clothing and kiddish and photographer (just schnapps seudah for 60 and sweet table) was more than this!

amother

Peachpuff

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

This is when we started putting money away for bar mitzvah . Can you do 250 a month ?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:31 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

I would love to do this but we come from a very heimish/ Hungarian background and we would literally be considered the parahias of the family if we did something like this. If you don’t come from such a background or live in these circles you won’t be able to understand. Even with what I am planning to do it will be significantly less than what all our siblings and family do and will be basic in every way. I don’t need anything fancy or high end at all (they all do that) but we do need to make something decent in a basic way so our child does not feel like a total outcast.

I am not planning on going into debt for this. That is precisely why I’m asking what it will cost us to make something basic so we can plan for the future as much as we can.

amother

↑ White

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:32 pm

amother Yolk wrote:

Bpro park. Yes we had schnapps. Wine on every table. High end hall but very very few upgrades (cocoa cola, mens,table, sweet stand, kugel etc). Kiddush we have women but serve same as men. Food was delicious everyone was happy without the separate fancy lady event

amother

Broom ↓

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:36 pm

amother White wrote:

How was your weekday event not at least $7k by itself?
We just made a bo bayom these were the costs-
$4.5k catering for 110 people sit down but low end so high end for 75 would likely be similar, $800 for hall rental, $1k for music and $750 for photographer, $100 for benchers plus clothing makeup and hair was at least another $500 and we limited that a lot. We didn’t do any fresh flowers just Gemach centerpieces no sweet table no alcohol except one bottle for benching.

amother

Watermelon

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:44 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Making simchas, whether it’s a bris a bar mitzva or a wedding, has nothing to do with impressing anyone. The reason a bar mitzva in particular needs careful thought is that you’re dealing with a thirteen year old boy.
Being thirteen is tough. You don’t want raise your kids to think they need to have whatever their friends have but a bar mitzva celebration offers a unique challenge. In many cases the boy attends his friends’ simchas and what’s even worse - they attend his. It’s hard to be the only one who doesn’t have the same type of bar mitzva as your friends. You don’t need to take him on safari like the famous bar mitzva joke, but you also don’t want to tone it down far enough to be embarrassing.
It’s not the parents putting fantasies into their son’s head. No ones that dumb. It’s the fact that he’s attending his friends’ bar mitzvahs and then he has to have them see what his looks like.
He’s not silly if he wants to have a party. It’s part of wanting to fit in, which is normal and expected for a thirteen year old.
You have to budget carefully and do enough that your son feels he’s part of things without going crazy. Depending on your community and which yeshiva he goes to, that might be very easy or very hard.

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:59 pm

amother White wrote:

Also curious to hear what hall this is because I priced out halls in Boro Park pretty recently and the pricing for the simplest halls were about 3k for 40 couples. How did you manage to make a high end bar mitzvah plus clothing and addt'l expenses for 7K?

I chose the cheapest hall in BP with no upgrades and with the bar mitzvah itself, BM boy's clothing, hair and makeup, tefilin bag etc I'm paying between 5500- 6000 and I saved on music because it's during sefira.

amother

Indigo

Sun, May 12 2024, 11:03 pm

OP, maybe give us a picture of what you envision.
How many people for Shabbos meals? Can you make the Shabbos meals at home or do you have many guests and need catering?
How many people for kiddush? Is chulent, potato kugel, salads fruit and cake enough?
Bo bayom- for family and boy’s friends only? Dessert reception or sit down meal? Keyboard and singer? Photographer and video?
Flowers?
Do you have older daughters that need hair, makeup, nice dresses?
Even if you’re careful with what you spend, kiddush and Shabbos meals alone could easily be 10K

amother

Poppy ↓

Sun, May 12 2024, 11:23 pm

I live out of town.
Bar mitzvah was well under 10k

The tefillin+tefillin bag are over $2k,
buying 2 hats, A suit, dress pants, Dress shoes, more white shirts... Is over $500

We made all 3 shabbos seudos in our home for 30, but friends helped make most of the food. Bought nice but not $1/plate paper goods. Got tablecloths from gemach. So seudos cost under $1000.

Sponsored a simple but tasteful kiddush in shul, only Stern's platters for the men and fancier dessert for the women... And cholent... Under $1K.

Bo bayom was just for bar mitzvah boy's friends, his rebbeim, and 30 relatives. $500 for DJ/singer, catering was also probably around $500, hall was school so free... So that event cost a little over $1K.

So I think total was under $7k.

But our event wasn't big or fancy, and our kiddush was standard and simple for local bar mitzvahs.

mra01385

Sun, May 12 2024, 11:55 pm

I live in Far Rockaway and we spent under 10k for a bar mitzvah last year. We saved money on the hall by doing the Bo bayom for the class, relatives and few family friends in a nice restaurant that has a party room. We had about 50 people altogether. We also got a package deal for the music and photography. We used a dj who also does photography. No videos. For the shul kiddush we just sponsored the shul kiddush that gives rugelach, Cholent and kugel and added a few salads and fruit platter was sponsored by neighbors and friends. We got tablecloths from Gemach. I made the invitations myself and had them printed and addressed at a local printer. Got my makeup done for less than $100. No new outfit and sheitel was fairly new. The shabbos meals were hosted by a family friend as only had a few relatives come for shabbos. The bar mitzvah was the shabbos right before rosh hashana. So a bar mitzvah can be done under $10000 including tefillin if thought out properly but depends on the size of the family.