S/O of lazy.... Is screentime so bad?

amother

↑ OP

Sun, May 12 2024, 9:36 am

Thanks for the responses. There are to many to respond to everyone individually but I appreciate those who where validating. It was also interesting to hear from others with different perspectives, and thank you all for responding nicely, I am open to making changes or limiting it a bit....

Interestingly our computer broke about a week and half ago. My 13 yr old is fine, my 11 yr old is ok as well but asks about every day or two what the status of the repair is. My 9 yr old is having a bit of a harder time but is managing overall mostly.... The ones younger though are having a hard time and keep asking for it.... I never let them watch things on my phone normally but now caved in and am allowing them to Can't Believe It

... It would be real hard (on both our ends) to manage without it.

On one hand I hear what (almost) everyone is saying above about how bad it is, on the other hand I haven't seen any terrible effects from going this route with my older ones - they where also way more into it when younger and then lost slowly calmed down about it (they still like to watch when they are home, but like I said are quick to stop and play with friends and do other activities...). But maybe I was just lucky with them idk...

Also want to add that my kids do know how to play with toys and read. We are a major reading family. We go to the library weekly and they read shabbos and when they go to sleep (and during the day sometimes as well) I work hard to cultivate a love for that - read a lot to them when they are younger and etc.... again though, I have the patience to sit and read with them and take them to the library bec I also have my own time before /after bec I allow screentime. I honestly think I'm a better parent for it... If I wasn't an introvert maybe things would be different....

To the amother who asked "Did you come hear to feel better about yourself for allowing unlimited screen time?" I'm not sure... I genuinely did want to hear other peoples perspectives, I'm not above making some changes as I said. This is also coming after hearing my neighbor yell at her kids all Friday afternoon while by me it was really calm, my kids got ready for shabbos and where sitting together talking to each other and watching... couldn't help make me think she'd be much better off allowing (but not my business so instead posted here wondering ...). In general I'm seeing a lot of parents like that (maybe not as extreme but still having a really hard time...) and I'm not nosy, honestly I try keep to myself. But living so close to others it's not possible to completely not see any of this.... (But maybe it's just coincidence that I live near others like this)

amother

↑ Alyssum ↓

Sun, May 12 2024, 9:48 am

amother OP wrote:

I think a mother yelling has nothing to do with screen time. You don't know whats going on in her life.

amother

Cadetblue

Sun, May 12 2024, 9:49 am

Re your neighbor- it's not like the only two options are allow unlimited screens or yell at your kids. I know many many people who don't give any screentime and they are excellent parents, have lots of patience for their kids, sit and play with them, involve them in what they're doing... I think your neighbor is just not a great parent, and she probably wouldn't be much better with screens.
Screens stunt children's imagination. Everything is being fed to them and their brain is doing zero while sitting there. But take that child and give them some lego and mentchies, and they will build a city and be busy for hours, entertained by their own imagination.
Screens can be great for traveling, for Friday afternoons, as a special treat, but they shouldn't be idealized

amother

↑ Cyan

Sun, May 12 2024, 9:51 am

In all honesty, it's similar to someone coming on here and posting that she eliminated so much stress and is a much calmer mother now that she doesn't cook meals for her family. They just help themselves to whatever they want from the fridge, freezer or pantry. And her kids seem healthy, they're growing fine, so she doesn't see any reason to do differently. Her neighbor who makes herself busy cooking healthy meals for her kids is always yelling, so it's a shame that she is so stuck on not letting them graze on their own.

It's not the worst thing a mother can do. But it also isn't a healthy way to raise kids. Most of the time, most of us can and should do better.

amother

Peony ↓

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:00 am

OP I agree

My family grew up watching tv/playing video games. We were allowed to whenever we wanted with certain limits similar to yours, and because it was always available we were never dying to watch. We always chose to play outside or go out with friends when we could. We had a pool and lots of toys that kept us busier than the tv did. We still liked to read, and yes I have a pretty wild imagination. We are all BH normal and healthy adults, I don’t look back at all the screen time and think my parents were horrible. It was just a part of my childhood, same as listening to music, reading a book or playing outside.

amother

↑ Alyssum

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:15 am

amother Peony wrote:

So happy it didn't effect you. Not everyone who grew up like this is so lucky. Both dh and I still struggle with effects of it.

↑ giftedmom ↓

Sun, May 12 2024, 11:09 am

amother Peony wrote:

The screentime of your childhood is not the same as the screentime of today, that has unlimited options and no ads.

amother

Firethorn ↓

Sun, May 12 2024, 11:09 am

I don’t think screen time is so bad in moderation, but 2-3 hours daily is a lot. When my kids were growing up I let them watch on weekends. It was more than I liked but my husband is super chilled about it and I didn’t want to fight about it when he was watching them. Now I have an autistic child who wakes up early. My husband wakes up with him and lets him watch. I hate it to be honest but I’d rather sleep, so it’s a trade off that I’m willing to make for my own mental health. Is it the right thing to do? I don’t know.

mushkamothers

Sun, May 12 2024, 11:09 am

I don't understand how this is a discussion that's up for debate as if anyone's opinion or personal experience makes a difference here. by now there is data and research and in fact an entire book about how detrimental screens are for the developing mind. the answer isn't, "oh well done, you've given your kids unlimited access so they learned self control." there is no such thing as self control when it comes to technology, which at this point is designed to capture our attention. these are the facts, since you asked. objectively, yes, screen time is poison just like candy is poison. now if you still want to offer screen time, candy, red food coloring, or anything else, go ahead. but let's not pretend that there isn't objective data about the effects of this.

amother

↑ Firethorn ↓

Sun, May 12 2024, 11:16 am

mushkamothers wrote:

Right but just like candy, sometimes giving it in moderation is better than completely depriving your kids. Like my son’s friend who would come to our house and eat all our candy because he was never allowed to have at home. While my kids were allowed to have in moderation and never became obsessed with it.

amother

↑ Firethorn

Sun, May 12 2024, 11:42 am

amother Valerian wrote:

It actually is. There isn’t a single ingredient in it that is good for growing brains and bodies. Makes kids act crazy. Another “pandas” symptom. Maybe there would be less crazy kids if we cut out screens and candy. Maybe widespread pandas would disappear:

But it’s not realistic to rid the entire world of it. And it brings people brief moments of happiness. Isn’t a better response to use it in healthy moderation? And sure for some kids, both candy and screens are worse than for others. I just don’t think it’s black and white.