Starting sleep training at 9mo w spoiled baby

amother

OP ↓

Mon, May 06 2024, 2:31 am

All the advice I see seems to hinge on starting younger or waiting until kid is old enough to be reasoned with. But I have had it and really need to try something.

The only place he falls asleep other than my breast or occasionally dh or my shoulder is sometimes in the stroller on a long walk in good weather. If I try to transfer him asleep to a crib or stroller, no matter how gently, he's instantly fully awake. If I put him in the crib awake he'll play around for a few minutes and then cry to come out. The crying does not stop with any type or amount of soothing, pick-up-put-down, or waiting/ignoring/leaving and coming back, it only escalates. He does not take a pacifier or bottle.

I posted here at about 2 months and 5 and 7 crying for help and got a ton of genuinely wise and caring advice and nothing worked. I swear I did not spoil this baby on purpose. I read the books and blogs before he was born and tried to instill good sleep hygiene right out of the womb. I introduced pacifiers and loveys and white noise and routines. But nothing worked and we're cosleeping by process of elimination.

I need this baby out of my bed. I'm not sleeping well. Dh is jealous. I suspect baby will also sleep better for longer when he starts sleeping on his own. Plus he needs constant watching and holding because he's agile enough to get over the edge and not yet smart enough not to.

Where do I even start?! Has anyone had any luck at this age?

amother

Tiffanyblue

Mon, May 06 2024, 3:18 am

Hugs!! You sound like a great mom.
I’m against sleep training/ CIO (cry it out) in general. But I had to do it with my last baby. We did the nightly routine, put him in the bed in different room, and he cried so much. But I couldn’t give up. I went in a lot, and gave him hugs and cuddles but then put him back. It was a miserable 2 weeks. But in the end he starting going to sleep in his crib nicely. Consistency is very important, do the same routine every night.
He’s still not a great sleeper, but he’s 3 now and loves his own bed and falls asleep nicely every night.

amother

Azalea

Mon, May 06 2024, 4:05 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

Did the same with 2 of mine but did gave the hugs and kisses whilst they were still in the bed and then lay them down again so they wouldn't get their hopes up every time I picked them up. It took approx 4-5 days and then they were very happy to go to sleep each night.

Remember it's hard on you and the baby but don't give up. The hardest is trying to keep the routine over Shabbos which I think for the beginning is really important. Do it now before Shavous pushes you off schedule if you won't be home for some meals.

amother

Outerspace

Tue, May 07 2024, 1:12 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

Please don’t do this Op. CIO is really traumatic for all parties involved and I really encourage you not to do it. It’s harmful to baby.

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, May 07 2024, 1:22 am

amother Outerspace wrote:

Please don’t do this Op. CIO is really traumatic for all parties involved and I really encourage you not to do it. It’s harmful to baby.

No sleep is traumatic too. Cio is often the lesser of the two evils. And cio does not mean abandon the baby so it doesn’t have to be traumatic. It just means sticking to keeping them in the crib without taking them out and comforting them other ways.

amother

Lily

Tue, May 07 2024, 1:30 am

I don't have a guaranteed solution, but some things to try:

Make the crib more comfortable. Get a baby safe mattress topper or better mattress. Babies that are used to Mommy's soft bed might be more uncomfortable on a hard crib mattress.

Put baby into crib occasionally during the day, for short periods of time like when you need the bathroom or are folding a load of laundry. Not for sleeping, just getting him used to the crib for a few minutes.

Move an item with your smell into the crib.

Try every night to put him into the crib while he's already sleeping. If he wakes up miserable, you can put him back into your bed. But try as often as you are willing. Eventually it will just work. (Do it when you're anyways planning on going to sleep with him, so it won't be disruptive if it fails, as it will most of the time at the beginning.)

(I'm separating falling asleep in the crib and actually sleeping there, because I think they are two separate skills, especially if you regularly nurse him to sleep.)

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 07 2024, 5:11 pm

Yeah I need to work harder on the schedule. It's sooo hard because I can't get up in the morning when he doesn't sleep at night! He doesn't want to get up either! And he's not that much better at napping than sleeping. What's your 9 month old schedule like?

I've started putting him in the crib to play while I do chores in the same room (folding laundry type.) bh so far he doesn't hate it. He kvetches to come out after maybe 10 minutes, which seems fair.

Putting him down while asleep - the problem is that when he wakes up, he's WIDE awake. It's like any amount of sleep makes his brain go "ok, did sleep, now on to the next thing." So for a nap, if I hold him he might sleep for an hour but if I put him down then he slept for a minute and won't sleep again for the next... ever. At night it means we party until 2am. Even if he still seems tired, sleep does not come back, he just waits for a second wind and then moves on. This is the most frustrating part.

I did get some signs of hope last night because within my bed, he slept a little farther away from me and a couple of times he half woke up and resettled without nursing. This is new and major. I hope it's not a one off.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, May 07 2024, 5:49 pm

So regarding schedule the only thing I know how to do about that is set a consistent morning wake time and not let him sleep for the next hour at least after that. I did that a couple of times before with some success that it helped regulate his nights - he started sleeping for a good stretch ahead of the anticipated wake time.

But other than that I have no idea how to schedule naps. He sleeps when he wants, doesn't sleep when he doesn't want, and wakes up at the drop of a hat. When he falls asleep I never know whether I'm getting 5 or 15 or 50 minutes of quiet, regardless of how tired he is before.

For example, today he was very tired and fell asleep in the car on the way to his babysitter. It's a 2 minute drive, the only reason I even take the car is because I go straight from there to work. Anyway of course when I stopped the car he woke up. I told the sitter he was super tired and only just closed his eyes so hopefully he'll go back to sleep and have a good nap. When I picked him up she said he only wanted to play and didn't take a nap until about an hour and a half later.

So...wth. I'm so confused.