Inviting a grandparent who past away/ going to cemetery

amother

Wed, May 01 2024, 12:19 am

I’ve heard from people before a wedding you go to invite the grandparents who are no longer here. Some people leave an invitation by the matzeva. Can anyone in yeshivish circles tell me if this is the right mehalach and what if I don’t get to go and invite them

amother

Oatmeal

Wed, May 01 2024, 12:21 am

As far as I know it’s a beautiful minhag but they will still come even if you don’t go to invite. Neshamos from three generations back come to the chuppah

synthy

Wed, May 01 2024, 12:29 am

They will come anyway, but I went with my parents to the cemetery a few days before my wedding to invite my grandparents and it was a beautiful experience. We said some tehillim, lit candles and I asked to to daven on my behalf. Left a small invitation.
It was also the first time I was able to touch the kevarim since it was after I went to the Mikva, so it felt even more meaningful.
I’m chassidish ftr

B'Syata D'Shmya

Wed, May 01 2024, 2:07 am

amother OP wrote:

Right? Wrong? It depends on how you feel.
If its convenient and you can do it and feel good about it - then great.
If not, then no.
Life is for the living but we honor ourselves by honoring our past.
Of course the physical invitation is extraneous but symbolic of our honoring our parents/grandparents etc. There are many ways to do so.

amother

Purple

Wed, May 01 2024, 3:19 am

We take the kala to daven by the grandparents kever before the chasana and leave an invitation. I have seen many invitations in the cemetery. By chasidush people.

Ruchel

Wed, May 01 2024, 9:55 am

Heard of it but never saw invites or didn't go myself. My dad held women don't go to cemetery (though I end up going just not to burial)

amother

Milk

Wed, May 01 2024, 10:07 am

Lubavitch puts an invitation by the rebbe, rebbetzen, rebbes mother. And any grandparent that’s not alive.

Isramom8

Wed, May 01 2024, 11:00 am

One of our sons thought it was not appropriate and didn't do it, or maybe he invited them but not at the cemetery.

One of our daughters put her paper invitation on the kevarim.

amother

Aconite

Wed, May 01 2024, 11:47 am

Isramom8 wrote:

One of our sons thought it was not appropriate and didn't do it, or maybe he invited them but not at the cemetery.

One of our daughters put her paper invitation on the kevarim.

Hello long time no see 😂

amother

Amber

Wed, May 01 2024, 12:34 pm

Putting an invitation on a kever sounds silly at best if not outright ghoulish to me, but you do you.

Chayalle

Wed, May 01 2024, 12:37 pm

My mother AH and my grandparents AH are all buried in EY. My maternal great-grandparents are buried in Queens. I took DD there on Chol Hamoed Succos to invite them, and my mother and grandparents, to her wedding. My Rav told us it's appropriate to do so (and was fine to do on CH"H). There's a concept that all ground of cemeteries are connected spiritually, so I was inviting my mother and grandparents thru my great-grandparents' gravesite.

It was a very beautiful and moving experience for us, and I intend to go again soon BEH with my next DD before her wedding.

ETA I verbally invited them to her wedding, and I also put an invitation on the matzeivah. A few months later, a relative told me it's still there!