If your husband/in-laws keep more Pesach Chumros

amother

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 8:10 pm

My in-laws don't eat any gebrochts at all. Not even butter or chain on the matza. And they don't eat off dishes that had gebrochts on it.
My parents do eat gebrochts. Knaidlach and matza brei all over the place

It took a lot of figuring out the logistics for my family to be able to eat by my parents. And there was many accusations that we (DH and I and our kids) should not be makpid on gebrochts while at my parents house.
Yes, we spoke to a Rav. Figured it out. It's many years later.

But I'm curious how everyone navigates marrying someone who keeps more restrictions than your parents do on Pesach. (Products, gebrochts, peels, whatever)

amother

Bronze

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 8:12 pm

I come from a small family. Came from eating gebrokts and everything with ou p to marrying into chasidish family with lots of chumros. My mother stopped making gebrokts and won’t serve anything I can’t eat. But again this is because I’m the only married child there

amother

Gardenia

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 8:31 pm

My parents eat gebrokts and my in laws don’t (and many other things)
My husband was told by his father that he shouldn’t make his shvigger crazy. IOW he eats whatever is served (even things that contain products he doesn’t use, like oil…) , but not gebrokts. He is makpid on keilim and they are respectful of that to the best of their understanding. If we go second days I’m not sure what happens, but they don’t spread stuff on their matzah with the regular cutlery, they’ll use plastic. But they don’t even chap that my in laws don’t allow crumbs on the China… and my husband is fine with it.

amother

Dodgerblue ↓

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 8:44 pm

My parents eat gebrokts, husband doesn’t. So my mom keeps the kneidels in a separate pot and my husband stays away from the few gebrokts things she makes.
BH he’s not makpid on keilim!
(Or maybe he was, until he married me?)

amother

Coral ↓

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 8:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

My family has more restrictions then my husband’s..
when we’re by my parents we’re more “strict” and when by my in laws we eat whatever they eat..
I find it a bit disrespectful if you tell your parents you hold more restrictions, then them
It’s kinda like saying we are better than you..

amother

Blonde

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 8:55 pm

My parents eat anything with a Pesach heimish hechsher but no gebrochts
My in-laws eat only sugar, oil, salt, pepper, potato starch, and chocolate. Everything must be peeled. They also eat milk, yogurt and cheese. This is my mil minhag that she took with her to marriage. My fil grew up eating anything with an ou-p, machine matza, gebrochts. Now he eats only shmura and won’t cook gebrochts.
When we go to my parent we eat everything.
At home we don’t cook gebrochts in pots but we will make matza pizza in toaster. We only use peeled unless we blend before Pesach so it’s batel, like strawberries ices, dips like jalapeño dip etc
We eat most products
This is after speaking to our Rav for guidance and most of dh brothers do same as us Smile

amother

↑ Dodgerblue

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 8:56 pm

amother Coral wrote:

…I find it a bit disrespectful if you tell your parents you hold more restrictions, then them
It’s kinda like saying we are better than you..

It’s not at all, your parents are mature enough to know that minhagim are about family backgrounds, nothing more.

amother

Sage ↓

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 9:10 pm

amother Coral wrote:

..
I find it a bit disrespectful if you tell your parents you hold more restrictions, then them
It’s kinda like saying we are better than you..

It is, which is why my kid's rav told him that at your parent's or inlaw's house you park your chumros at the door and eat what they serve as long as it's not actual tref.

amother

↑ Coral

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 9:11 pm

amother Sage wrote:

It is, which is why my kid's rav told him that at your parent's or inlaw's house you park your chumros at the door and eat what they serve as long as it's not actual tref.

Yep that’s what me and my husband do

amother

Oak

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 9:14 pm

amother Dodgerblue wrote:

It’s not at all, your parents are mature enough to know that minhagim are about family backgrounds, nothing more.

It depends how you say it and how you act, but I agree. I will have no issues if my kids are more machmir than I am.

amother

Trillium

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 9:22 pm

amother Sage wrote:

It is, which is why my kid's rav told him that at your parent's or inlaw's house you park your chumros at the door and eat what they serve as long as it's not actual tref.

Yes. But parents should try to be respectful and the most important minhag of that people have is gebrokst. It's different to them than not eating certain produce, products etc. They see it as possible chometz. So parents should be flexible & skip the kneidlech in soup & matza brei. Seriously, as someone who grew up yes eating it and then married someone who doesn't but also has a brother-in-law that doesn't and for many years we did not have in our house out of respect for him, there's plenty other foods to cook. Parents, be respectful of this minhag.

Kids try to be flexible.

amother

Lightcyan

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 11:44 pm

I was sefardi, married an ashkenazi. Rice and soft matza to none of that. As long as everyone respects everyone, it isn’t a big deal. We bought the matza my family ate and asked a rav how to handle it. We bought a special pot for rice and cooked before chag and they cooked it on chag. I just prepared everything in advanced, my food is good so no one complained.

amother

Steel ↓

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 3:04 am

On the flip side… My parents are very strict but my in-laws eat everything that says kosher for Passover. Ang in any restaurant in Israel too. In the beginning I was very careful and made a big deal but over the years I let loose for the sake of shalom and now do what my husband does.

Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 3:08 am

amother Crocus wrote:

We don't eat at my parents on Pesach because of different chumros

After reading this thread I totally understand why people don't mish!

Elfrida

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 3:09 am

amother Steel wrote:

When talking about restaurants in Israel, you need to be careful about kitniyot, which are commonly used here. Unless you're sephardi and it isn't an issue.

amother

Cappuccino

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 5:33 am

My husbands family is stricter. Don't think he ate everything at my parents house but definitely did not make any sort of fuss. I actually didn't realise that my mother had been was more attuned to what he would or wouldn't want to eat and making sure there were alternatives, I barely realised he wasn't eating some things. When we go to his parents I eat whatever they eat but keep snacks that they don't eat in, in my room.