Making first bris | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:20 pm

Not my first baby but first boy and I know nothing about the kibbudim at a bris
How do we decide sandek? What are the others?
(We have fathers Baruch Hashem and 2 grandfather's)

How do I find a mohel? Based on threads on here I want to make sure the mohel is amazing! I don't want my baby to cry so much like I've heard
I live in lakewood

amother

Bluebell

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 1:03 pm

My experience but your dynamic might be different-

First boy did in Shul with a rebbe so sandek was a given.
For next boys we did husbands grandfather first( he’s also much older), then my grandfather.

And figured out rest of kibbudim after sandek was sorted out..

Most mohelim will travel. So if you hear about one in New York for example just ask

amother

Tanzanite

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 1:10 pm

Really depends on your background.
If you are Litvish/Yeshivish sandek goes to a Grandfather if there's one on the fathers side (because due to kibud av father has an obligation to give to his father first) if not will go to grandfather on mother's side. Some will ask fathers father for permission first tho.
Chassidish often go to rebbe.

amother

Azure

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 1:22 pm

Yeshivish circles. Sandek usually goes first to your husband’s father. Your father and other grandfathers will get other kibbudim. Also usually give kibbud to rav of shul and other rabbanim that come. I used Rabbi Mozes, I was very happy. He explains everything and is very careful. He gives out a pamphlet with everything you need to know-literally everything. He can even help you figure out kibbudim. I have a few boys and I don’t think the amount the baby cried depends on the mohel. It really just depends on the baby. Some cry more than others, it doesn’t mean anything about the bris. Some bleed more than others, it doesn’t mean anything either.

amother

Dill ↓

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 1:33 pm

amother Azure wrote:

It can have to do with the baby but it can definitely have to do with the mohel. My nephews bris was a few weeks before my son. We used different mohalim. My nephew bled a ton and cried for a while, my son barely cried and didn’t bleed much. Now a year later you can clearly see a difference. My nephews pen!s looks off. The mohel did something wrong. They met with my mohel a little after my son’s bris and he said he’d be able to correct it but it won’t affect him in life and it’s just superficial, so it’s up to the parents. They didn’t end up doing it. He said he’s fixed brissim of 3-5 year olds over the years because they did have issues because the mohel messed up. So a good mohel IS absolutely important.

amother

Hyssop

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 3:58 pm

amother Natural wrote:

I recently had a boy bH and used an amazing mohel, Rabbi Schreiber. He lives on teaberry court in Lakewood. Dr was so impressed how well he did it, healed very nicely, minimal crying. Bshaah tova!

Same here! Highly recommend

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 4:39 pm

amother Azure wrote:

So I'd give sandek to my fil, and what to my father? I wouldn't want him to feel bad...
Does it make a difference that my fil was sandek by other grandsons and my father hasn't

And what kibbudim would I give elderly grandfather's?

We would do it by a hall and not in our shul (small basement minyan) and we would have rabbi we are close to hopefully....do we then have to give him the biggest honor?
(He is younger than my fil)

Thank you everyone for your helpful responses

amother

Mimosa ↓

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 6:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

Personally If your father has never been a sandek, and your FIL has already for other grandchildren, then I’d give to your father first. I’d feel it very disrespectful to not give it to him in that case

There’s no hard and fast rules. Some do it where they go with DHs father first, but it’s not a Halacha, minhag or custom and definitely not a given. You both decide what you want to do. It has nothing to do with kibud av, a lot of men are sandek themselves for their own child, or offer it to a rav first before their parents.

I believe the second highest honor at the bris is the man who says the name of the baby, I forgot what it’s called. There’s a bunch of different things to give out if you want to

I bought the bris Milah book from Pesach Krohn which lists all the details, halachos etc and found it very helpful. You can probably find it at your local judaica book store

I also have the halachos of pregnancy and childbirth book which gives over details of the bris as well

mushkamothers

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 9:04 pm

Mazel tov! Unrelated to your technical questions I started writing an article for the mom with a bunch of tips and tricks - I wrote it after I made my 4th bris and I was giving it over to some relatives who were making their first so I started writing notes. It's not finished but I'd love to share it with you if you want to pm me for the unedited Google doc.

amother

Yolk

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 9:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

We gave my fil even though he had been sandek at several grandsons before and my father hadn’t been sandek before. My father has mentioned since then that it was a given to him that dh’s and other sons in law’s fathers would get before him because that’s what he sees at almost every first sons bris he attends. There were no hard feelings. I don’t remember which kibudim we gave my father and the grandfathers/Rav but there were enough to go around and everyone seemed happy to be there and participate. If you scroll down to the link below you’ll see a list.
Assuming you didn’t have your baby yet, I wouldn’t stress too much now about who’s getting what. We’ve ended up with Shabbos brissim, people getting sick and not coming or other conflicts where people couldn’t come so we don’t plan kibudim until a day or 2 before.
https://rabbieliezerkrohn.com/.....tion/

amother

Burntblack

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 9:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

One of the great grandfathers should be the sandek. Why don’t you talk to a rov to guide you?

Good Friend

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 9:37 pm

Some mohelim have websites with useful info.
Here’s one with a downloadable list of all the possible kibudim (I don’t know the mohel, just the website): https://www.usamohel.com/bris-checklist

Here’s one with a list of supplies you’ll need (the mohel will also be able to give you that):
https://www.circumcision.net/r.....klist

amother

↑ OP

Sat, Mar 30 2024, 9:58 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

One of the great grandfathers should be the sandek. Why don’t you talk to a rov to guide you?

3 reasons I'm hesitant
1. They're elderly and I'd worry if they're capable
2. How would I choose one over the other
3. They had their opportunities, my father hasn't