Requesting specific room/accommodations at parents/in laws

serenity8843

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 3:04 pm

If you go to your parents or in laws for yomtif and stay in their home, do you have a dynamic where your parents assign accommodations to the marrieds per their discretion OR do the marrieds all negotiate prior to yomtif which rooms they will get?
Do you think accommodations should be assigned based on birth order (oldest gets nicest), per the amount of kids or should daughters in law always get nicest?

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 3:11 pm

IMO daughtersin law should get first choice
By us youngest couple gets the best room

yachnabobba

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 3:11 pm

In theory DILs get nicest . But depending on circumstances that may change

wanttobehappy

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 3:14 pm

Why do DIL get the nicest room? I think it should be based on family size

Ima03

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 3:20 pm

My in-laws decide. We are the only married, but not all singles live at home. Even with us getting the biggest room to accommodate us and my kids there isn't enough room for all my kids (ages 6-21). Some of my kids sometimes sleep in a second room (depending who else is there), otherwise they sleep on a pull out couch or on air mattresses on the floor in the basement.

naturelover

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 3:22 pm

ap wrote:

IMO daughtersin law should get first choice
By us youngest couple gets the best room

Why should dil get the nicest room??

patzer

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 3:22 pm

ap wrote:

IMO daughtersin law should get first choice
By us youngest couple gets the best room

What if there's a twenty- year age difference between the oldest and the youngest? If both are staying at your home together, isn't there a concept of the younger couple honoring their elders?

socialbutterfly

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 3:23 pm

At my parents we fell into a certain structure that has stuck for the last few years. I'm personally very content with it as I think we got the better end of the deal Smile

And we didn't ask for it. I wonder what will happen as more siblings get married b'ezras Hashem

At in-laws all the children in-law revert back to their original childhood bedrooms! They don't have an official guestroom. Maybe it's better that way because all the accommodations are literally identical in every room.

teachkids

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 3:45 pm

Certain kids prefer staying at the neighbors. Beyond that, it’s based on what makes most sense kid wise- the ones who have babies who stay in the room with them get bigger rooms that the newly weds, and we try to keep toddlers on the same floor as their parents.

If all else is totally equal, the one staying longer gets the better room

shira leah

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 3:46 pm

Newlyweds/Shana rishona couple get the best room.

After that it's a discussion/negotiation.

theoneandonly

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 3:48 pm

Most kids or staying over the longest get the best/biggest accommodations.

notshanarishona

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 5:09 pm

Most kids is really not fair.. your sister with 2 kids who aren’t used to sharing a room might struggle more and have kids up all night than your 6 kids who are all used to sleeping with noise.
Personally I have no stake in the argument because I have been making yom tov basically since I got married, but I think if there are preferred sleeping arrangements, first most private should go to shana rishona couple and then taking turns based on who needs more room/ privacy/ comfort/ most

mommish613

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 5:13 pm

It’s been a while but at parents we always arranged before, mom always wanted it to be fair.

At in laws, the oldest daughter always got the en suite room every.single.time. Then it went in age order- the next best room went to the next oldest etc. I always restented it as hubby is a middle child and it never made sense and bli neder I will be much more fair to my marrieds.

nightingale1

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 5:19 pm

Parents designate. Usually the one with the newest baby or the newly married gets the nicest room. BH we are all pretty easygoing and love to spend time with each other, so it’s not a huge deal.

ittsamother

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 5:25 pm

My MIL and my mother both decide who gets which room, and it changes every time based on all the factors- who's staying longer, who has more kids, what ages the kids are, which kids can sleep together nicely and which can't, who's a newlywed, who just had the worst accomodations last time... BH there's no drama around it and usually everyone is totally satisfied because we all feel like it's done with a cheshbon to make everyone as happy as possible.

zaq ↓

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 5:57 pm

Imho the hosts should decide, though it's logical for the largest family to get the biggest room. I wouldn't have dreamed of asking my mil for a specific room, what chutzpah!
Where rooms are the same size but differ in view, decor or any other element the kids are squabbling over, I would draw lots.

Of course my kids are far too well-bred to squabble or to ask for preferential treatment.

sunshine23

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 6:01 pm

We do youngest baby gets best room since there is usually someone within 3 months of giving birth...also some families have preferences so that helps

bnm

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 6:10 pm

My inlaws don't even have room for my entire family unless a kid over age 9 sleeps with us. My parents' apartment is too small to accommodate 2 families. We did it once for Pesach and they borrowed the basement (they don't own) and there was no elbow space.

tichellady

Fri, Mar 15 2024, 8:07 pm

We usually discuss it but it’s not a big deal. My in laws don’t have great accommodations at all but we aren’t going for the rooms, we are going to spend time with them. My parents have a better set up but we actually find staying at their house more stressful.