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Forum
-> Miscellaneous
Which communication method do you mostly use?
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| Phone calls |
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11% |
[ 19 ] |
| Text messaging |
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81% |
[ 133 ] |
| Voice messaging |
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4% |
[ 8 ] |
| I prefer calls, I would text the person before I call them to make sure its a good time |
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2% |
[ 4 ] |
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| Total Votes : 164 |
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Hello2u2
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 Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:13 am
I find it extremely difficult to communicate with friends and family that don't text because of frum reasons. For a simple question, there can be several amounts of cat and mouse calling each others until we reach each others.
There are always kids crying in the background, when we finally do get to talk, because we're not on the same schedule. At night, I have no patience for calls, especially because they become long conversations.
(I once had to plan a sheva brochos this way, it was so frustrating... every simple decision or update required a series of missed calls until we spoke)
I'm a big texter, so that's why im VERY annoyed. but im curious to hear from all of you what your take is on this.
Take the poll attached so we can see what communication method most people prefer 
P.S. Is it 'special' to not have text but be so difficult to reach?
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InnerPrincess
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:21 am
Agree with you, OP.
There was an interesting back and forth in the Voice of Lakewood about it.
Someone wrote in to raise awareness that some people made the choice not to have texting, and we should be more accommodating.
the next week, people wrote in with my below opinion:
I believe that in this day and age, the norm is definitely to have talk and text.
If someone wants to be on a higher standard, that's amazing! But they can't expect everyone to go out of their way to accommodate that.
I think most people with talk only do respect everyone else's time, but there will always be the outliers.
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Hello2u2
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:23 am
| InnerPrincess wrote: | Agree with you, OP.
There was an interesting back and forth in the Voice of Lakewood about it.
Someone wrote in to raise awareness that some people made the choice not to have texting, and we should be more accommodating.
the next week, people wrote in with my below opinion:
I believe that in this day and age, the norm is definitely to have talk and text.
If someone wants to be on a higher standard, that's amazing! But they can't expect everyone to go out of their way to accommodate that.
I think most people with talk only do respect everyone else's time, but there will always be the outliers. |
Glad there are people who agree with me!
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watergirl
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:28 am
The norm in my community is to text in someway, not necessarily through WhatsApp. I actually dropped out of a carpool once because one mother in the carpool refused on principal to text, and I just cannot deal with that.
I think it depends on what the norm is in your community honestly.
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Peersupport
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:32 am
I feel the same way.
People who don't have text inconveniece the people around them for the sake of whatever this geder is supposed to add to their life.
I've lost touch with most of those friends.
I'm not a phone person.
I'm socially akward like that, and that kind of cat and mouse game doesn't work for my forgetful brain.
Thanks for the space to vent about it!
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LittleDucky
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:47 am
Totally depends on the situation for me... I text and like texting for most things (scheduling, planning, routine sort of stuff).
But there is nothing like a good conversation with friends!
But I really get frustrated when someone won't text and they try to make playdates. But only call when I am at work so can't pick up the phone. And then won't pick up their phone in the evenings because it is family time. 🙄 guess what, we never connected.
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Hello2u2
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:49 am
| LittleDucky wrote: | Totally depends on the situation for me... I text and like texting for most things (scheduling, planning, routine sort of stuff).
But there is nothing like a good conversation with friends!
But I really get frustrated when someone won't text and they try to make playdates. But only call when I am at work so can't pick up the phone. And then won't pick up their phone in the evenings because it is family time. 🙄 guess what, we never connected. |
Yup, that's it!
I also enjoy conversations, at the right time for all parties...
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Jewishmom8
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:50 am
people in my community use e-mail or the phone.
if people are too lazy to communicate with me then I guess I won't miss them.
I feel bad for the culture at large. I really do.
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Blessing1
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:53 am
I really really dislike texting, but there's nothing I can do about it.
Though important conversation, I don't insist on a phone conversation.
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Hello2u2
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:55 am
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it also gets annoying to give such people recipes or phone numbers..... rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.............
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zaq
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:57 am
VERY annoyed? That seems extreme and shall we say, somewhat self-centered. Yes, it's inconvenient for you. Boo-hoo. Before texting, we all dealt with not getting instant access to people on phone calls. Before answering machines--yes, this feature wasn't a standard part of a phone but one had to install an additional machine--you couldn't even leave a message. Either the phone rang and rang, you assumed they were either not home or in the shower, hung up and tried again later, or you got a busy signal, which meant the person was on the phone already or someone had left the phone off the hook--and again you hung up and tried again later. Why does your convenience have more value than someone else's beliefs, religious or otherwise? Would you find it acceptable for nonJewish people to be VERY annoyed when you are not available on Shabbat and Yamim Tovim?
Back in the day, we didn't assume we would have instant access to people. We planned ahead, and we accepted and coped with a certain degree of uncertainty when we weren't within reach of a phone--which at the time meant anywhere except home or work.
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Unigala
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:59 am
I think texting as a relationship piece is not great tbh.
nothing to with religion and I generally will call people.. I would rather talk less then text more...
I think texting lowers peoples emotional and social capabilities if that's their main mode of communication. its artificial and toneless.
I personally dont think that texting by definition is a lower standard.. it doesnt even access internet like email lets say... so I dont understand people who feel that theyre closer to hashem for not having it..
like maybe if you dont speak lashon hara on it? idk
BUT that being said, when I had a friend who went off texting I went out of my way many times to accommodate her. not because I understood why she was doing it but because I respect her as a friend and I dont need to dig my heels in bshita against doing a chessed for her.
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srbmom
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:59 am
I cannot think of even one adult I know that does not have text. Is this really a thing?
I know many people that don't answer their texts, but they also don't answer the phone
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chanatron1000
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 12:05 pm
| zaq wrote: | VERY annoyed? That seems extreme and shall we say, somewhat self-centered. Yes, it's inconvenient for you. Boo-hoo. Before texting, we all dealt with not getting instant access to people on phone calls. Before answering machines--yes, this feature wasn't a standard part of a phone but one had to install an additional machine--you couldn't even leave a message. Either the phone rang and rang, you assumed they were either not home or in the shower, hung up and tried again later, or you got a busy signal, which meant the person was on the phone already or someone had left the phone off the hook--and again you hung up and tried again later. Why does your convenience have more value than someone else's beliefs, religious or otherwise? Would you find it acceptable for nonJewish people to be VERY annoyed when you are not available on Shabbat and Yamim Tovim?
Back in the day, we didn't assume we would have instant access to people. We planned ahead, and we accepted and coped with a certain degree of uncertainty when we weren't within reach of a phone--which at the time meant anywhere except home or work. |
I don't agree with this reasoning. Before indoor plumbing, everyone dealt with outhouses and chamber pots. But if a friend invited me to stay with them and it turned out they don't have a bathroom, I think I'd be a little upset.
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jkl
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 12:10 pm
| InnerPrincess wrote: | Agree with you, OP.
There was an interesting back and forth in the Voice of Lakewood about it.
Someone wrote in to raise awareness that some people made the choice not to have texting, and we should be more accommodating.
the next week, people wrote in with my below opinion:
I believe that in this day and age, the norm is definitely to have talk and text.
If someone wants to be on a higher standard, that's amazing! But they can't expect everyone to go out of their way to accommodate that.
I think most people with talk only do respect everyone else's time, but there will always be the outliers. |
Agree with this. They're unintentionally separating themselves from the rest of their groups. Take an engagement in the family for example, there will be mazel tovs and pictures and details flying around the family chat. And then someone will later remember - Oh, we need to call xyz to let her know.
Or if we're planning a family event, we all collaborate on the time and place and offer our opinions. We can't include xyz in all of that, so her preferences end up not being equally considered.
In today's age, it is no different than refusing to have a phone in the 1980s and expecting someone to come knocking on their door to let them know something.
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singleagain
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 12:14 pm
| Unigala wrote: | | I think texting lowers peoples emotional and social capabilities if that's their main mode of communication. its artificial and toneless. |
I'm going to have to disagree with this simply because I built the best relationship with my entire life over IM's texts. And trust me I can 100% tell her tone and she can tell mine over text.
We were just weird. They were super close but we got close over texting and it didn't messaging and we continue to be close. This is our primary mode of conversation throughout the week.
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jkl
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 12:15 pm
| zaq wrote: | VERY annoyed? That seems extreme and shall we say, somewhat self-centered. Yes, it's inconvenient for you. Boo-hoo. Before texting, we all dealt with not getting instant access to people on phone calls. Before answering machines--yes, this feature wasn't a standard part of a phone but one had to install an additional machine--you couldn't even leave a message. Either the phone rang and rang, you assumed they were either not home or in the shower, hung up and tried again later, or you got a busy signal, which meant the person was on the phone already or someone had left the phone off the hook--and again you hung up and tried again later. Why does your convenience have more value than someone else's beliefs, religious or otherwise? Would you find it acceptable for nonJewish people to be VERY annoyed when you are not available on Shabbat and Yamim Tovim?
Back in the day, we didn't assume we would have instant access to people. We planned ahead, and we accepted and coped with a certain degree of uncertainty when we weren't within reach of a phone--which at the time meant anywhere except home or work. |
It's very different when something is the norm and everyone operates in the same mode. Right now, this is not the norm anymore and expecting people to continuously accommodate this is a self-centered.
If its a temporary thing, such as you lost your phone or its broken, then people will gladly accommodate. But if its an every day thing, it's a lot to ask for people to continuously go out of the way to accommodate this.
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Trademark
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 12:21 pm
| zaq wrote: | VERY annoyed? That seems extreme and shall we say, somewhat self-centered. Yes, it's inconvenient for you. Boo-hoo. Before texting, we all dealt with not getting instant access to people on phone calls. Before answering machines--yes, this feature wasn't a standard part of a phone but one had to install an additional machine--you couldn't even leave a message. Either the phone rang and rang, you assumed they were either not home or in the shower, hung up and tried again later, or you got a busy signal, which meant the person was on the phone already or someone had left the phone off the hook--and again you hung up and tried again later. Why does your convenience have more value than someone else's beliefs, religious or otherwise? Would you find it acceptable for nonJewish people to be VERY annoyed when you are not available on Shabbat and Yamim Tovim?
Back in the day, we didn't assume we would have instant access to people. We planned ahead, and we accepted and coped with a certain degree of uncertainty when we weren't within reach of a phone--which at the time meant anywhere except home or work. |
And before phones we had letters and that was the only way to keep in touch with people in different cities. And if somebody traveled you wouldn't know if they're dead or alive.
This is the reality today and this is how people communicate. There's no point of harping how it was done back then.
And it's not necessarily about instant access. It's more convenient in many ways text. You don't have to answer right away (so actually the opposite of instant access), if the person is not available they can answer at a later time without having to run after the other person, it's much easier to send information via text. The other person doesn't have to write down information they have it already written down. Etc
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NotInNJMommy
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 12:43 pm
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The only adult I interact with who doesn’t text is my 89 yr old mother in law. It would be a logistics nightmare to coordinate things without text.
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Layokee
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 1:36 pm
I text whenever I need a phone number or other random piece of info. I prefer to speak over the phone when I want to talk for the sake of talking.
I do have some friends that don't text and somehow I don't keep in touch with them. I find it weird to call them when I haven't touched base in months
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