S/O socially awkward:what about you???

amother

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 2:37 pm

Some of the examples on the other thread are very cringy and the people responsible sound like they may indeed be a little off. Other examples just sound like someone trying to say the right thing but it just came out all wrong. I consider myself a very tactful person, I think before I speak and I am sensitive to how my words may be perceived. Yet it has happened that I have put my foot in it. Last time it happened to me was a few of my sister's in law were expecting multiples and some were experiencing complications. For some reason I thought everyone in the family was aware of this and at a Kiddush I asked another sil and my MIL how everything was going. They both started stammering and looking at each other trying to get their stories straight. Apparently they were surprised that I knew. Anyways, it was very uncomfortable situation and I kind of wanted the ground to swallow me.
So my question is for all of you who question " what on earth are people thinking when they put their foot in it, hasn't it ever happened to you???

amother

Floralwhite

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 3:43 pm

I was eating a seuda at someone’s house and she was serving a certain vegetable when I blurted out, “Oh I learned such a good trick for cooking this veggie! “ As it was coming out I realized that I basically just told her that her veggies were very mushy 😳

amother

Hibiscus

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 3:43 pm

My foot is not glued into my mouth, but I have quite a few moments that I wish would erase themselves from my brain so I don't mentally sink into the ground every single time they pop back up in my memory.

zaq

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 4:25 pm

I doubt that there is anyone on the planet who hasn't at once time or another--or more than one time or another--said something that came out wrong or could be taken the wrong way. That doesn't make you socially awkward; it makes you human. And if you happen to have offended an individual who is particularly prickly and takes offense at remarks that the average reasonable person would slough off or not even think about, that doesn't make you socially awkward, either.

amother

Nemesia

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 5:46 pm

We live in Israel. One time I went to visit a friend Friday night, and her sister was visiting from the us with all her kids. There were about 4 girls sitting around and I asked her if her boys went to shul with the men? She said no, my only son is in shamayim with Hashem… that’s when I remembered davening for her 9 yr old son who recently passed away from Covid….. and that’s why they came to Israel to chill a bit after the trauma…. I apologized but I still ache from shame every time I think about it. I was just plain tactless.

doodlesmom

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 5:50 pm

amother Nemesia wrote:

I was part of a conversation where someone who had lost their only son was asked which yeshiva her son is in, and she responded “ yeshiva shel maalah “ the funny part was that the inquirer didn’t even realize that it wasn’t a name of a yeshivah down here…

My brother who had lost his father at a young age filled out a yeshivah application and by “ fathers occupation” he wrote meilitz yoisher!

amother

Lime

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 5:52 pm

When we first moved to our development we all moved at the same time and we’re getting to know each other. The lady on the bench next to me called out to a passing kid and I said how many kids do you have. She got up and walked away. I found out after there was a couple married for 10 years no kids. She brought her niece to the park. It’s 15 years later and I still feel horrible about it.

amother

Burgundy

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 6:00 pm

I met a cousin of mine and asked her how old her baby is? And how many kids she has? She turned beet red and avoided the question. I couldn’t understand why she was acting so akward… I didn’t know she had lost her baby to crib death just a few weeks before…. I still can’t get to myself… I don’t know if j should call her and say how clueless I was…

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 6:26 pm

But these are all normal types of questions to ask, in most cases you couldn't have known there is something awkward about it. Should we all just never discuss kids with someone else in case it happens to be a sore topic? Everything in the world might be a sore topic...

amother

Burntblack

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 7:06 pm

I've confessed this here before...

I pulled into the parking lot of our local library, which is very small and narrow. I wanted to park there but the lady right ahead of me just left her car in the middle of the lot and I didnt think I could drive around her to park. So I left my car right behind hers and took two steps into the library. The lady was right there. I said, I'm sorry, I can't get around you, would you mind returning my books for me? She gave me a funny look and didn't say anything. As I started driving away I felt terrible. She was on the heavy side and for sure thought I was making a comment on her weight! Oy vey. I don't remember who she is but whoever you are, please be mochel me!! It was not at all my intention!

amother

Canary

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 7:14 pm

My uncle passed away very young and very suddenly, a tragic story, tons of kids. The week of shiva was very upsetting and I was in the shiva house every day. One day on my way back, I saw a friend whose father had died when we were in high school (I went to that shiva too.. )

I blurted out something like, at least your father was older...

I actually called her a while later to apologize if I ever said something to hurt her. I didn't want to remind her if she didn't realize or remember but it was a real faux pas

amother

Salmon ↓

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 7:17 pm

I went to my friend's wedding. I met her older sister and wished her a big mazel tov. Told her she looks beautiful, I almost didn't recognize her. I meant it as a compliment (she's always pretty) but somehow it came out the wrong way and she commented back something like "that wasn't nice, do you mean I usually don't look good"? I felt so uch. Over the years I've learned to say the right thing..

amother

Mustard ↓

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 7:19 pm

A very long time ago, when I was in school, we had a speaker who was a life coach. She was talking about one of her clients without using the name, but mentioned a very specific detail that is unique to that person. I blurted out "I know who that is"!

I was 16. At the time, I didn't realize what I'd said, but now I cringe every time I think about it.

In general though, the filter on my brain is set to extra-heavy duty, so only about 5% comes out from what I actually want to say.

amother

Bronze

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 7:22 pm

At a recent visit to my mil, she very kindly gave my son a new toy. Looking for a conversation starter, I decided to discuss a new discount store that opened in her area recently. I asked her: did you buy this toy at x? And she immediately flushed.