Should I say something about kids punishment

amother

Foxglove

Thu, Feb 29 2024, 11:58 am

A thought exercise that a mentor of mine once recommended.

What if you found out that these 2 kids were put by the cubbies because they were hitting, biting, scratching, or teasing YOUR child.

Would it still bother you or would you understand that the teacher was enforcing boundaries

amother

Arcticblue

Thu, Feb 29 2024, 12:16 pm

I'm not sure what the answer but we are seeing issues with the products of our generations parenting and I feel like a lot of people don't know what to do, we know what the previous generation did didn't work but we might just be trading one set of problems for a different one.

amother

↑ Lime ↓

Thu, Feb 29 2024, 12:19 pm

amother Arcticblue wrote:

My parents raised me with consequences that were not physical and I think it worked! I'm a functional person in society. I realize that my actions have an impact. I like to think I'm pretty balanced.

My parents were not the "gentle parenting" type but that doesn't mean my feelings were disregarded. They had healthy expectations for their children and open lines of communication. I think it was pretty spot on.

elusivity ↓

Thu, Feb 29 2024, 12:24 pm

Kids need consequences when they do something wrong, but it needs to be a learning experience.
Sending them to time-out doesn't teach them anything other than that they should be more careful to do things where adults can't see.
The younger the kid, the worse the experience of time-out. Little kids can't regulate their feelings on their own, they need to be taught how or they grow into big kids who don't know how to either.

amother

↑ Lime ↓

Thu, Feb 29 2024, 12:26 pm

elusivity wrote:

"When you hit other children, you cannot be around them, so you need to stay by your cubby away from the children at playtime"

"When you call out in class, it's disruptive, so you need to leave the classroom"

↑ elusivity

Thu, Feb 29 2024, 12:30 pm

amother Lime wrote:

A kid who is feeling so strongly that he needs to hit or call out is going to have a terrible experience dealing with those feelings all by himself by the cubbies. He needs to be helped and taught gently how to handle and redirect them.
Hitting is not acceptable, but you can't banish a kid and expect him to work out the right way to do things on his own.

amother

↑ Lime

Thu, Feb 29 2024, 12:32 pm

elusivity wrote:

A teacher usually talks it out with the child at the cubby and tells them that they now need to stay there.

Feelings don't negate consequence. Just because you feel angry and therefore you hit someone doesn't mean you get off scot-free. We can talk about it, but you also need to stay at your cubby.

This is a good lesson to hold onto into adulthood.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Feb 29 2024, 1:28 pm

[quote="amother Hibiscus"]Time out is a very old school way to discipline and was found to be damaging to kids especially in front of other students.[/quott

That’s partly my thought, and as I’m reading the responses I’m realizing that context matters so much. For example did the teacher do it as a punishment or as a consequence. Was she harsh that ‘ur bad u can’t be here’ or was she interactive as in ‘you need to calm down to be near ur friends’. So the attitude matters tons.

I also agree that we’ve gone from the strict parenting from our parents to the other end of permissive parenting. And there’s a middle that needs to be found.

As I saw a meme-
there’s the generation of ‘stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about’.
And then there’s the generation of ‘ ill but you something if you stop crying’
And we are not the same.

My son says they were hitting. Then he changed the story to they weren’t doing the arts and crafts and listening.

Regarding the previous poster who said if they’d hit your kid would you feel differently, I actually thought of that too.

I’m hoping the teachers did this kindly and appropriately

amother

Slategray

Thu, Feb 29 2024, 1:34 pm

I don't know what everyone expects a teacher to do when kids are hurting other kids and they have 20 other students to supervise, generally with one other adult in the room. Very often, the best option is to have the child who was hurting move to a separate spot in the classroom for a designated period to keep everyone safe. Classroom discipline and home discipline are different animals.

As an aside, it's doing everyone a huge disservice if kids don't clearly understand which behaviors are acceptable and which are not in a given setting. They learn this through education , and then through consequences.

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Feb 29 2024, 1:35 pm

amother Slategray wrote:

Agreed. But we do have to be careful with the manner in which we help children learn boundaries so as not to squash the self that’s still so delicate in them

amother

Yellow

Thu, Feb 29 2024, 1:59 pm

I’m from the old school of thought
Time Out, IF DONE CORRECTLY”[b]
Is a great educational tool.

The problem is most people don’t do it correctly
They re-enforce the negative behavior
Which it was not meant to do

amother

DarkCyan ↓

Thu, Feb 29 2024, 2:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

I went to my son’s kdg classroom to give him his meds.
When I was there I noticed two kids punished by their cubbies, one was turned into it all the way and the other stood near his sulking.

It broke my heart. I know it’s a very difficult class and I have heard from one mother that she spoke to the principal because it didn’t sound right to her that her son was getting punished this way.

My question is- is it my place to call the principal and say something in a nice way?
Am I off for thinking that this isn’t the way we treat children any more?

I don’t think it’s any of your business

amother

↑ Hydrangea

Thu, Feb 29 2024, 2:32 pm

amother Yellow wrote:

Why do you say that most people don't do it correctly? I actually see the opposite.