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Forum
-> Pregnancy & Childbirth
-> Formula Feeding
amother
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 Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:19 am
Going anon because I say this all the time in real life.
I've tried to nurse each of my babies and was never able to. I wish I could.
But I confidentiality state that I have never ever made bottle feeding something that gets into hr way of bonding. I have never propped a bottle and every time my baby wakes up or needs to eat, I'm up with them in a chair holding them to my body feeding them. There's no feeding in my sleep or lifting my shirt or letting my babies find my boob. I'm up, with the bottle, present and focused on feeding them.
There are no bonding issues BH. There's just sadness and maybe a bissel guilt on my part.
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groovy1224
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:25 am
| amother OP wrote: | | I get this, I really do. I'm not talking to everybody. But such a post can really help someone who is formula feeding out of necessity and feeling bad about it because society says 'no such thing as not having enough milk'. |
I actually think this mentality is very much in the minority these days. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but the world has bH largely moved on from guilting moms who formula feed.
As someone who's nursed some kids and formula fed others depending on various circumstances, I actually struggled a lot more with people unable to understand or validate my disappointment at being unable to breastfeed than I did with anyone judging me for formula feeding. My point being, that if we all agree we shouldn't judge a mother on how she chooses to feed her baby, that should include those who want to nurse and are sad if they can't. They also deserve a judgement free zone.
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amother
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:32 am
| groovy1224 wrote: | I actually think this mentality is very much in the minority these days. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but the world has bH largely moved on from guilting moms who formula feed.
As someone who's nursed some kids and formula fed others depending on various circumstances, I actually struggled a lot more with people unable to understand or validate my disappointment at being unable to breastfeed than I did with anyone judging me for formula feeding. My point being, that if we all agree we shouldn't judge a mother on how she chooses to feed her baby, that should include those who want to nurse and are sad if they can't. They also deserve a judgement free zone. |
No the guilting still strongly out there. And the more “natural” society became the more guilting
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amother
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:35 am
| amother OP wrote: | | I'm not against bf, not at all, if I had milk I would nurse 1000%. It's just a shame that those who can't feel bad about it. There seems to be a lot of unnecessary pressure, when a person truly doesn't have. Kind of, you're not a good mom, you're not gonna bond... |
Disclaimer: please don't respond back to this post talking about how all of these can be also with formula because that's not the point and that's not what I'm responding to and I know that if you choose to give formula whether you want to or you're forced to, that's the best and most wonderful decision for you and your baby.
You think I want to nurse because of pressure? And if I couldn't I would feel bad because I thought I wasn't a good mother?
I love to nurse. The nutritional & health benefits are incomparable.
It's the most bonding experience to have a baby skin to skin 8+ times a day, staring right up at you.
It makes me feel like I'm still keeping this baby alive, like I did for 9 months. That as its mother it needs to rely on me, and me alone, & I cannot be replaced. That we hv an unbreakable bond.
That baby nursing smell is amazing.
And personally if I was not able to do it for whatever reason I would be inconsolable. I would not recognize my baby's scent or feel like we are bonding properly. It would have nothing to do with society & everything to do with the mother/baby bond the way I see it, my reality.
Don't boil down nursing to society's expectations & pressure.
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amother
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:37 am
| amother DarkGreen wrote: | Disclaimer: please don't respond back to this post talking about how all of these can be also with formula because that's not the point and that's not what I'm responding to and I know that if you choose to give formula whether you want to or you're forced to, that's the best and most wonderful decision for you and your baby.
You think I want to nurse because of pressure? And if I couldn't I would feel bad because I thought I wasn't a good mother?
I love to nurse. The nutritional & health benefits are incomparable.
It's the most bonding experience to have a baby skin to skin 8+ times a day, staring right up at you.
It makes me feel like I'm still keeping this baby alive, like I did for 9 months. That as its mother it needs to rely on me, and me alone, & I cannot be replaced. That we hv an unbreakable bond.
That baby nursing smell is amazing.
And personally if I was not able to do it for whatever reason I would be inconsolable. I would not recognize my baby's scent or feel like we are bonding properly. It would have nothing to do with society & everything to do with the mother/baby bond the way I see it, my reality.
Don't boil down nursing to society's expectations & pressure. |
Not all of us choose to give formula we give formula so our babies will be healthy most don’t give bottles for convenience. But you nursing cause it works don’t make you better and don’t make your binding and living your baby bettet
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amother
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:40 am
Breastfeeding is about so much more than bonding. There jaw and airway development, gut microbiome seeding, metabolism priming, antibodies and immune protection, breathing and sleeping and nervous system regulation, custom tailored nutrition, phytonutrients, loads more.
And mothers simply not having enough for no reason at all or reasons truly beyond anyone's control is exceedingly rare. More often there are overlooked reasons for milk not coming in or not transferring well.
Nature doesn't make mistakes. If humans "couldn't" breastfeed at the rates were "can't" breastfeed at today, we'd have gone extinct millenia ago.
Formula isn't that old. Were babies dying of starvation from inability to breastfeed 80 years ago?
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amother
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:41 am
| amother Broom wrote: | What's missing is bf. That's all. I'm very appreciative for formula and my baby is thriving, but I would have loved to also bf.
If I told you I used to eat dinner daily with my dh, and now he eats at work, would you understand that I miss that part of our relationship even if everything is otherwise wonderful? |
Yup. But would you then preach to eveyone that if you dont eat dinner daily with your dh your relationship is lacking? Or that you will be affecting your relationship if you don't figure out how to make it work. Or that you can still eat dinner with dh daily if you try this and that? Or that if only you understand the benefits of eating with dh daily you would have made it work?
Such discussions need never to happen from both sides of the aisles. Respect people's choices without finding the need to berate or belittle them.
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amother
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:41 am
| amother Navy wrote: | Breastfeeding is about so much more than bonding. There jaw and airway development, gut microbiome seeding, metabolism priming, antibodies and immune protection, breathing and sleeping and nervous system regulation, custom tailored nutrition, phytonutrients, loads more.
And mothers simply not having enough for no reason at all or reasons truly beyond anyone's control is exceedingly rare. More often there are overlooked reasons for milk not coming in or not transferring well.
Nature doesn't make mistakes. If humans "couldn't" breastfeed at the rates were "can't" breastfeed at today, we'd have gone extinct millenia ago.
Formula isn't that old. Were babies dying of starvation from inability to breastfeed 80 years ago? |
Babies were fed by other mothers there were nursing moms.
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amother
Sunflower
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:42 am
This thread aimed at making formula moms feel good is instead making them feel worse. Thanks a lot guys for ruining a good thing.
You can start a different thread to express your sorrow at all the good things you’re missing out on because you’re not nursing. You don’t need to rub it in the face of all the formula feeding moms on this thread. We’re not interested.
ETA for the record, I didn’t feel bonded to my baby until I stopped torturing both of us with nursing that just wasn’t working. Formula feeding enabled me to stop being an anxious wreck and my baby stopped crying all the time because she wasn’t hungry anymore and our relationship went from almost nonexistent to bH the most love I’ve ever felt in my life.
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amother
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:43 am
| amother Scarlet wrote: | Yup. But would you then preach to eveyone that if you dont eat dinner daily with your dh your relationship is lacking? Or that you will be affecting your relationship if you don't figure out how to make it work. Or that you can still eat dinner with dh daily if you try this and that? Or that if only you understand the benefits of eating with dh daily you would have made it work?
Such discussions need never to happen from both sides of the aisles. Respect people's choices without finding the need to berate or belittle them. |
Are you talking to me? Why would you think I do any of this? I was responding to someone who asked what I think is missing from my relationship with my ff baby.
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amother
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:45 am
| amother Navy wrote: | Breastfeeding is about so much more than bonding. There jaw and airway development, gut microbiome seeding, metabolism priming, antibodies and immune protection, breathing and sleeping and nervous system regulation, custom tailored nutrition, phytonutrients, loads more.
And mothers simply not having enough for no reason at all or reasons truly beyond anyone's control is exceedingly rare. More often there are overlooked reasons for milk not coming in or not transferring well.
Nature doesn't make mistakes. If humans "couldn't" breastfeed at the rates were "can't" breastfeed at today, we'd have gone extinct millenia ago.
Formula isn't that old. Were babies dying of starvation from inability to breastfeed 80 years ago? |
Can't you say the same for infertility? Just replace the word breastfeeding with reproduction and apply the same argument.
Sounds pretty awful, doesn't it?
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amother
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:45 am
| amother Navy wrote: | Breastfeeding is about so much more than bonding. There jaw and airway development, gut microbiome seeding, metabolism priming, antibodies and immune protection, breathing and sleeping and nervous system regulation, custom tailored nutrition, phytonutrients, loads more.
And mothers simply not having enough for no reason at all or reasons truly beyond anyone's control is exceedingly rare. More often there are overlooked reasons for milk not coming in or not transferring well.
Nature doesn't make mistakes. If humans "couldn't" breastfeed at the rates were "can't" breastfeed at today, we'd have gone extinct millenia ago.
Formula isn't that old. Were babies dying of starvation from inability to breastfeed 80 years ago? |
You're right formula is not that old. But throughout history people have not had enough milk. In Mitzrayim they used wet nurses.
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amother
Dodgerblue
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:46 am
I really dont understand ops post...?
I bottle fed my last one from birth and I feel we have the closest bond.
I breastfed my first and it was hard hard hard.
I pushed through till 10 months and it did get a bit easier but I felt so so awful at the beginning.
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amother
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:46 am
| amother Broom wrote: | | Are you talking to me? Why would you think I do any of this? I was responding to someone who asked what I think is missing from my relationship with my ff baby. |
Not really. I'm just using your post to highlight the absurdity of the claims of self-designated breastfeeding promoters.
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amother
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:48 am
| amother Scarlet wrote: | | Not really. I'm just using your post to highlight the absurdity of the claims of self-designated breastfeeding promoters. |
Ok but that's not really the topic of this thread.
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amother
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:48 am
| amother Navy wrote: | Breastfeeding is about so much more than bonding. There jaw and airway development, gut microbiome seeding, metabolism priming, antibodies and immune protection, breathing and sleeping and nervous system regulation, custom tailored nutrition, phytonutrients, loads more.
And mothers simply not having enough for no reason at all or reasons truly beyond anyone's control is exceedingly rare. More often there are overlooked reasons for milk not coming in or not transferring well.
Nature doesn't make mistakes. If humans "couldn't" breastfeed at the rates were "can't" breastfeed at today, we'd have gone extinct millenia ago.
Formula isn't that old. Were babies dying of starvation from inability to breastfeed 80 years ago? |
This thread is not for you, but because of comments like yours.
It's for those who can't nurse, to let them know it's ok to give formula, they will still bond, no need to feel inferior.
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ducky
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:50 am
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OPs point is no need to feel guilt if you can’t nurse or if nursing doesn’t work for you. The main thing is happy mom and baby. She isn’t saying don’t be sad if you are truly sad that you cannot nurse. Two different things.
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amother
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:51 am
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I recommend the book Lactivism for anybody that feels guilt about not bf.
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amother
Cobalt
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:52 am
| amother Navy wrote: | Breastfeeding is about so much more than bonding. There jaw and airway development, gut microbiome seeding, metabolism priming, antibodies and immune protection, breathing and sleeping and nervous system regulation, custom tailored nutrition, phytonutrients, loads more.
And mothers simply not having enough for no reason at all or reasons truly beyond anyone's control is exceedingly rare. More often there are overlooked reasons for milk not coming in or not transferring well.
Nature doesn't make mistakes. If humans "couldn't" breastfeed at the rates were "can't" breastfeed at today, we'd have gone extinct millenia ago.
Formula isn't that old. Were babies dying of starvation from inability to breastfeed 80 years ago? |
To answer your question presumably yes! And there were wet nurses etc from the beginning of time.
Also, nowadays, idk if it’s because of the hormones in the dairy or what, but so many people struggle with their hormones (like PCOS) and infertility. There definitely always was infertility (hello imahos!) but the rates of hormonal dysregulation seem really high to me if you compare to my mothers generation.
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amother
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:53 am
| amother Dodgerblue wrote: | I really dont understand ops post...?
I bottle fed my last one from birth and I feel we have the closest bond.
I breastfed my first and it was hard hard hard.
I pushed through till 10 months and it did get a bit easier but I felt so so awful at the beginning. |
If you don't understand my post then good for you! You're confident in your choice and know you're doing the best for your baby.
Unfortunately some are made to feel guilty if nursing doesn't work, this thread is to help those woman and dispell the myth that breast is always best.
Funny thing is that irl I had no pressure to nurse, but on here there's a lot of bias.
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