My 11 year old can be really really nasty!

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 8:48 am

Ds has 2 modes. He can be a wonderful, helpful, kind child, or he can be nasty and angry and out of control. He has gone months at a time without showing his nasty side much, but lately, he's becoming unbearable. He's going through a hard time at school, and I can tell it's bothering him.

He loves guns. He has bought himself 3 nerf guns in the past 3 weeks, and now he wants to buy 2 pop guns for Purim because they make noise without shooting anyone. When I said no, he shrieked his head off so loud, I bet there nobody left sleeping within a 5 mile radius.

He also loves playing on the computer and watching videos on yeshiva world. I strictly limit his screentime, but that always makes him mad. He throws tantrums if I don't allow him to use the computer whenever he wants. But yesterday he told me about how crazy it is that a boy in his class has no filter and no limits on his computer use, and someone invited him for a playdate last night, and he said no because his parents were not going to be home, so he had dirty movies he wanted to watch in their absence. And the boy has trouble learning, which ds thinks is due to the computer rotting his brain.

I reminded him that he gets mad when I limit his computer use, and he said he doesn't like it at the time, but he is happy I limit it.

This week he's been really angry. This morning was unbearable. He started before he even asked about the cap guns. I was singing, and he kept yelling, "Stop that nasty singing. I hate that song." I wasn't even in the same room as him, so I don't know why my singing bothered him so much. I ignored him.

After the cap gun conversation, he was completely impossible. He hurt his little brother's face, because "You did a bad thing by showing me your ugly face."

I am at my wit's end! If anyone has advice, I am happy. Otherwise, just venting has been helpful.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 10:37 am

What about ross greens the explosive child's collaborative problem solving. When he is calm talk to him about something you noticed and feel out of anything else is bothering him. See if he can come up with any ideas for you to use to remind him when he looks like he is beginning to explode. Work together to create awareness and problem solve. Nothing works. In the heat of the moment when a child is off the rails. And guilting them about how it's hurtful and not nice isn't usually effective either

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 1:03 pm

I should try the explosive child approach.

gibberish wrote:

Does he have a hobby or get any extracurricular that he enjoys? That may give him something positive to focus on and will also ease some tension while he is out of the house

Yes, shooting people with nerf guns. And anything animal related. He has a pet hamster, but he got bored of it.