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amother
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 Mon, Jan 22 2024, 1:55 pm
| amother Blushpink wrote: | I’m so happy you came back on here. I somehow didn’t notice that you answered my question back on a previous page. Would you share with me which medication you take for your osteoporosis?
Did it make you gain weight? I am neglecting my own because I’ve read so many negative stuff abt meds online and am so scared.
Or maybe we can discuss it over email?
My biggest fear from dying is leaving my children as orphans. Death alone doesn’t scare me so much as this way of life, day after day, is already a form of dying. |
I take generic foxomax. It does not cause weight gain for me but every person is different. How did you find out you have osteoperosis? I would hope your dr can guide you. I am really sorry but I do not have the emotional energy to have freinds who also have eating disorders. It either becomes an acquaintanceship that won't bloom because of keeping conversation surface level to avoid tiggering each other or it becomes a too triggering and toxic freindship. I can tell you are searching for someone who understands and that you can vent to and in our community we have peer supports for everything but here I dont think it is appropriate here and what you really need is a therapist to disuss everything with. I am so sorry.
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bp1234
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Mon, Jan 22 2024, 1:56 pm
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If you could start your life over again, what would you do differently?
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amother
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Mon, Jan 22 2024, 1:57 pm
| amother Sapphire wrote: | | is food always on your mind? what your going to eat next etc |
Yeah food is the highlight of my day but I hate the constant thoughts around it. I have developed my own ways to quiet that food noise so that it is amazing when I have it but my mental space is more free. I won't say what I do because I do not want to give out disordered eating tips.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 22 2024, 2:03 pm
| amother DarkYellow wrote: | I have a question.
Was there anything any family members could have done to help you?
Is there any way for them to have encouraged you to get help that would have been effective? |
You can talk with someone who is mentally ill nicely or you can scream at them until you are blue in the face but person will not change until they are ready. Compassion until they get there is important for maintaining relationships. Family members can also choose to remove themselves from the situation when they have no more energy to give and I understand that. No one can create change for someone else with the right words from the correct book or therapist it has to be internal, and there are internal factors for why people who are sick with an eating disorder or any other mental illness is resistant to change and getting better.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 22 2024, 2:06 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I take generic foxomax. It does not cause weight gain for me but every person is different. How did you find out you have osteoperosis? I would hope your dr can guide you. I am really sorry but I do not have the emotional energy to have freinds who also have eating disorders. It either becomes an acquaintanceship that won't bloom because of keeping conversation surface level to avoid tiggering each other or it becomes a too triggering and toxic freindship. I can tell you are searching for someone who understands and that you can vent to and in our community we have peer supports for everything but here I dont think it is appropriate here and what you really need is a therapist to disuss everything with. I am so sorry. |
Actually I dont. Its been more years for me with this disorder than not so by now its a way a life. My thoughts don't revolve around food and Im just chugging along since I know that by now, after so many years, I cant change. My body wont be able to digest all the foods that I have abstained for so many years anyhow.
I thought maybe you wldnt want to discuss the osteoporosis part so thats why I suggested if you’d like to do it over email. Thanks for your response. All I wanted to know was if you personally experienced weight gain or any other side effects.
I was never officially diagnosed but have all the symptoms, and the pain in my bones is just getting worse. I read an article a while back in the ami abt a woman that cldnt get out of bed and they finally diagnosed her with osteo and it was a euruka moment for me. All the symptoms matched up and I did additional research and it all fell into place.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 22 2024, 2:09 pm
| bp1234 wrote: | | If you could start your life over again, what would you do differently? |
If the goal was to not have an eating disorder I would pick different parents and different brain. You are asking me this question as I am sick and I have a hard time hypothetically also picking a larger body. I think that I should want to stay the way I am but also not have an eating disorder which does not make any sense. Three random fun things I would change about my life is I wish I had green eyes, more self confidence and that I would be more capable of pushing myself out of my comfort zone to have better relationships with others.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 22 2024, 2:39 pm
| amother Blushpink wrote: | Actually I dont. Its been more years for me with this disorder than not so by now its a way a life. My thoughts don't revolve around food and Im just chugging along since I know that by now, after so many years, I cant change. My body wont be able to digest all the foods that I have abstained for so many years anyhow.
I thought maybe you wldnt want to discuss the osteoporosis part so thats why I suggested if you’d like to do it over email. Thanks for your response. All I wanted to know was if you personally experienced weight gain or any other side effects.
I was never officially diagnosed but have all the symptoms, and the pain in my bones is just getting worse. I read an article a while back in the ami abt a woman that cldnt get out of bed and they finally diagnosed her with osteo and it was a euruka moment for me. All the symptoms matched up and I did additional research and it all fell into place. |
There is not much to discuss because I have not had any weight gain side affects. I think that if you self diagnosed this condition you should have it validated because that is the only way you can see improvements in yourself especially because it might be something else entirely. Terminal uniqueness is a common thought about recovery but it is psychological. You can find yourself and your body capable of much more then you think. Our grandparents or parents overcame starvation and malnutrition even though they went through many years of harships during the war and not digesting adequete amounts of food. Now we have medication tube feeding and so many other tools to support recovery bone health and digestion if you are looking for it.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 22 2024, 2:44 pm
| amother Springgreen wrote: | | Does your eating disorder affect your intimacy with your husband? Are you uncomfortable in your body? |
My insecurities make intimacy hard but this is not the case for everyone with an ed. My trauma complicates things but trauma can also make some people with eating disorders hypersexual.
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amother
Cantaloupe
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Mon, Jan 22 2024, 2:45 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Yep! A safe food is one that I will gravitate towards over the choice of another. You can see people with eating disorders gravitate towards their same favorite safe foods over because it is easier then having to make desisions each time. So many options of food to choose from and people must get calories from something of course! Some people with eating disorders might feel that no foods are safe at all, prefer liquids etc.
Lettuce is safe because I like it, like the taste of it, can weigh it out and count the calories and therefore choose to eat it over and over. Chocolate is safe because I like it, like the taste of it, can count the calories of it easily and therefore choose to eat it over and over when I want a treat, but not the babka from the bakery with no nutritional label. If I feel like I can have 500 calories of choclate and the chocolate is 500 calories it is safe, but not if it is 505, I will have that hesitation even though a difference of 5 calories is negligible and not logical. Every time I go to the store I will buy the same type of chocolate over having to make the dessision over another one. It is easier to not buy any chocolate then choose a new safe one if the store is out.
Chocolate might not be safe to someone else because knowing it has exactly 500 calories causes mental hessitation in eating, but that hesitation is not there for the babka which has calories that are unknown. So then the chocolate babka is safe but not if your husband brings home the cinnanmon one from the bakery, because all day you planned for a slice of chocolate babka and now that cant happen bringing hesitation for the new option. Maybe depending on the day, circumstances etc, this person would eat the babka and overcome the ed thoughts, or choose to avoid it as a "fear" and not have any at all. |
Wow. I have a loved one who has bulimia and never understood why she's obsessed with certain foods, even if they aren't even the healthiest or lowest calorie count. Now I get why she may be that way. Thank you!!!!
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amother
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Mon, Jan 22 2024, 2:48 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | There is not much to discuss because I have not had any weight gain side affects. I think that if you self diagnosed this condition you should have it validated because that is the only way you can see improvements in yourself especially because it might be something else entirely. Terminal uniqueness is a common thought about recovery but it is psychological. You can find yourself and your body capable of much more then you think. Our grandparents or parents overcame starvation and malnutrition even though they went through many years of harships during the war and not digesting adequete amounts of food. Now we have medication tube feeding and so many other tools to support recovery bone health and digestion if you are looking for it. |
Thank you. Is been going on for 20 years so it seems like it can never change at this point. I really Appreciate you taking the time to respond in detail.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 22 2024, 3:43 pm
| amother Cantaloupe wrote: | | Wow. I have a loved one who has bulimia and never understood why she's obsessed with certain foods, even if they aren't even the healthiest or lowest calorie count. Now I get why she may be that way. Thank you!!!! |
It means a lot to help others understand me and others like me. Thank you for taking the time to read and ask questions.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 22 2024, 3:54 pm
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I don't know if this is helpful, but I'm sitting here so sad and crying for you...
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amother
Scarlet
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 9:02 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Do not worry about offending me, if something feels too much however I may not answer. |
Are you a very success-oriented and disciplined kind of person?
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amother
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Wed, Jan 24 2024, 3:38 am
What types of treatments or programs did you try over the years?
Did anything help you - even temporarily?
This thread makes me so sad, my daughter is very sick with AN at the moment. I want to hope that recovery is possible.
What advice would you give?
At the moment she barely leaves her room.
She’s been hospitalised twice and is teetering on the edge of another hospital stay.
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amother
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Wed, Jan 24 2024, 3:55 am
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lol this is a massve sterotype and generalization but do you love peanut butter bc everyone I know with eds loves pb
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amother
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Wed, Jan 24 2024, 1:09 pm
| amother Mustard wrote: | | I don't know if this is helpful, but I'm sitting here so sad and crying for you... |
Im sorry about that. I wanted this to be insightful and not sad. I don't wallow in pity for my life and don't want others to do the same for me. I am able to be very open here anonymously but I don't share these details or thoughts with everyone in my day to day life because I do not want sympathy or attention on my ed.
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amother
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Wed, Jan 24 2024, 1:12 pm
| amother Scarlet wrote: | | Are you a very success-oriented and disciplined kind of person? |
When I am interested in putting in effort I find a way to give it 110% even with my limitations. I have a lot of grit and stubborness which are good character traits but also bad ones. It all depends on how they are applied.
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amother
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Wed, Jan 24 2024, 1:33 pm
| amother Mulberry wrote: | What types of treatments or programs did you try over the years?
Did anything help you - even temporarily?
This thread makes me so sad, my daughter is very sick with AN at the moment. I want to hope that recovery is possible.
What advice would you give?
At the moment she barely leaves her room.
She’s been hospitalised twice and is teetering on the edge of another hospital stay. |
Right now you are reading a thread and it is not I happily recovered from anorexia ama. I want to reassure you that my story is not your daughters story, and the story of a different recovered amother would not be your daughter's story either. The concept of a honeymoon can apply to eating disorders when being sick and also when being in recovery. Sometimes it can feel/felt like I am in bliss and in love with my ed and also I have had momments when I was a teenager where was doing really well and I felt these honeymoon feelings for recovery being in bliss also. Ultimately though a honeymoon does not last forever. Recovery and weight restoration never stuck for me for long enough and living with an ed is miserable and the path to recovery can feel the same.
I can not pinpoint specific things that helped me, but I am grateful for the way that I grew in my cognitive awareness for my behaviors with each hospital stay. My parents tried from a to z insisting I eat what my mom made to giving me free reign to buy and cook whatever I wanted to eat. Both have pros and cons and I can not advise you. I was also your daughter hiding out in my room a lot. She is hurting and I wish that I had a solution for her but do not lose hope you do not know where she will be in 10 years and sometimes moving backwards could be part of her path moving forward. If I was with your daughter right now any advice I could give to her would not help, it doesnt matter that I have broken bones until she will also experiance the same, it does not matter that I have never had kids because until that is her reality she will feel indifferent. I understand her mindset because we have lived it together, no pain from an ed is too great learned second hand until the person themself experiances it and maybe or maybe not has finally had enough.
Hospitalizations are a critical part of maintaing health but they are also very mentally challanging because the nature of many eating disorders is to compete for who is sicker. It is hard to feel locked in an environment like a hopeless animal trying to restore physical health but also feeling terrible for getting better and wanting to be sicker. I have no advice just sharing your daughter's reality and why hospitalization over and over is not the path to everyone's recovery because getting help in this way is incredibly triggering.
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amother
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Wed, Jan 24 2024, 1:37 pm
| amother Sapphire wrote: | | lol this is a massve sterotype and generalization but do you love peanut butter bc everyone I know with eds loves pb |
Of course I love pb! I do not have it as often as I would like because it is so high calorie and a binge trigger food. It is hard to feel satisfied on such a small amount for all of the calories it has. I have been victimized many times by the pb jar and even cut myself when binging and trying to scoop some out of the jar. So silly to share all this but I want to share all sides of my ed story and not paint the false idea that anorexics eat one grape a day or maybe just a half a grape.
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amother
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Wed, Jan 24 2024, 1:38 pm
| amother Stoneblue wrote: | I've been in therapy for a while, taking care of other issues that might have caused this as a teenager. I don't think about it all the time, just whenever anyone talks about it, or I bump into it on imamother, etc. As I mentioned, I don't think I'll actually get anorexic again, but sometimes I wish I would.  Crazy me. |
Why would you want to look sick, emaciated, pale etc? It doesn't look pretty, I don't understand it.
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