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amother
Vermilion
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 Mon, Dec 18 2023, 9:59 pm
| amother Blonde wrote: | | Same. It's like a lifestyle for me at this point. |
How can I get it!!!???
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Rappel
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Mon, Dec 18 2023, 10:26 pm
How do you promote good nourishment (vitamins, minerals)?
Do numbers like calories and nutrition facts trigger you?
Do you ever eat without calculating?
Are you afraid of starving to death?
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amother
Crystal
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 12:53 am
Get the eating disorder?
May you never find out.
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amother
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 8:06 am
OMG that's insane. You can come take mine. Are you for real?
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amother
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 8:11 am
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You mentioned "safe foods". What exactly are these? These are foods you feel are "safe " to eat? Can you give an example of a junk food that feels safe to you and why?
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amother
Seashell
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 8:14 am
If you feel this way, you probably already have a disorder. I don't know how to phrase this in a way that doesn't sound mean, but I don't intend this in a mean way. It's factual. I wish you healing.
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amother
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 8:48 am
I do understand her question. But I also think it's part of having the disorder in some form.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 01 2024, 2:10 pm
| amother Banana wrote: | Anorexia isn’t a way of life. It’s an illness. How do you manage the day to day with a family when you can’t eat and have no energy.
I too have an eating disorder but I wouldn’t call it a “way of life”.
I do agree thought that it’s semi under control which is why I just float through day by day.
How I wish I could treat it though.
But after all these years I doubt it’ll ever be gone. |
I never called it a way of life I am not pro anorexia. You put my feelings well that it is semi under control with no continous spiral downward so I float through it all day by day. I wish I could have a normal life but part of the sickness is being unable to let go of it.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 01 2024, 2:15 pm
| amother Lotus wrote: | | Do you have children? If you do, did you do anything to make sure they'd be healthy despite your ed? And did gaining weight during pregnancy bother you? |
I never had children but I am absolutely a mother to my husbands kids (second marriage). They are grown now. I was always careful with what I said around them but I know actions speak louder then words and I have done things I wish they never saw me do because I prioritized my ed urges in the momment.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 01 2024, 2:18 pm
| amother Stoneblue wrote: | | OMG, I'm on the verge of falling into this. I have a nursing baby, and whatever I eat, I do it for her. I hope she's getting enough nutrition for healthy development. |
Thank you for sharing, I know this is something many women like you experiance. You can find support and not be judged. I highly suggest working with a dietitian and possibily supplementing with formula.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 01 2024, 2:25 pm
| amother Emerald wrote: | Are you secretly proud of yourself?
Do you think you are more disciplined and therefore better than others? |
I find validation in my illness but I can not be outwordly proud of it because I know its messed up and others would see it as such. I am crazy to be proud of a bald spot or a bruise and I therefore also like to hide my body to show I am not proud of it all but deep inside I am. I know I am not better then anyone else but I have thoughts that make me feel that way sometimes like when someone will say "chocolate won't hurt" to justify them having a peice. I think im disiplined for not having it when they say that. I know that my ed thoughts, and pride are not true and not things to be proud of however. There is a lot of cognitive dissonence between my ed thoughts and what reality is and I am aware of it.
Unrelated but I do eat chocolate, I wanted to give an example to illistrate my thoughts when someone will say something like that, but I also dont want to give the idea that anorexics never eat chocolate or treats etc because I do. Most others do too.
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amother
Broom
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Mon, Jan 01 2024, 2:29 pm
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Do you still get periods?l
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amother
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Mon, Jan 01 2024, 2:32 pm
If you want an eating disorder you have disordered thought patterns for sure. No one can teach you how to get a mental illness but it sounds like there is great risk for you developing it because of whatever your life history is as you go through changes in the different stages of life. I would tell you to be careful and seek out support but I know that message wont be well recived and will be triggering to you because you dont "have one yet". If you identify with that idea, it means ive read you correctly.
I guess this interaction illistrates our disordered thought patterns to others.
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meyerlemon44
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Mon, Jan 01 2024, 2:33 pm
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Do you feel like living in such a food and rules centric community has made it harder to recover?
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amother
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Mon, Jan 01 2024, 2:48 pm
| Rappel wrote: | How do you promote good nourishment (vitamins, minerals)?
Do numbers like calories and nutrition facts trigger you?
Do you ever eat without calculating?
Are you afraid of starving to death? |
I take note of when people say things like calories and numbers but ive conditioned myself over time to be less and less effected by what others are doing. Young me might want to "compete" with a dieting relative or cry about it but now it is what it is and I dont care. I stay in my lane doing my own thing, and try to ground myself when my thoughts make me think things otherwise. A disordered but comforting thought I think to ignore someone who is sharing their diet with me (which I know is messed up) is I know they will be off their diet and eat cake in two days from now so I still win (win nothing).
I know a great amount about nutrition and diet, you will find that most people with eating disorders do. I dont find general knowledge or talk about nutrition triggering in any way. It doesnt emotionally upset me that the body needs fat to absorb fat soluable vitamins like vitamin d, or that the calcium is better absorbed when taken with vitamin d which is why supplements will often provide calcium and vitamin d together, but actually without third party testing you have no reliable way to know what is in dietary supplements because there is no regulatory agency over because supplements are considered food and not medication. Hope you enjoyed that tangent. I could go on and on.
I dont ever eat without calculating but this is not something that all other anorexics would say as true for their own selves. I have lists and spreadsheets galore and even when I have a binge episode I will try to tally everything after for my own mental note.
I am not afraid of starving to death because what does death from starvation even mean? Passing in sleep does not sound scary. But at the same time when I have had medical episodes then I get scared. But still I ignore too many of my bodies signals and momments of fear of death do not really have an impactful amount of fear for me because I clearly do not change my behavior. I promise I know the realities of dying of starvation, guts busting open, cardiac arrest and liver failure, kidney failure etc. It just doesnt impact me because my thinking is skewed and ive accepted my mortality a long time ago.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 01 2024, 2:49 pm
| amother Seashell wrote: | | If you feel this way, you probably already have a disorder. I don't know how to phrase this in a way that doesn't sound mean, but I don't intend this in a mean way. It's factual. I wish you healing. |
You said it well and echoed my own thoughts!
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amother
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Mon, Jan 01 2024, 3:02 pm
| meyerlemon44 wrote: | | Do you feel like living in such a food and rules centric community has made it harder to recover? |
When I was younger aspects of my ocd engaged with halacha and my eating disorder for sure. I had a lot of contamination issues between milk/meat, waiting for kiddish on shabbos, having to do brochos a certain way and so much more. I remember learning in school that you dont talk until you take a bite of your food after you make a brocha, and my disordered brain ran with this idea that I shouldnt talk while eating at all. You could ask me a question and I would stare or even cry because I was so scared to answer for months. My ocd is not as severe as it was as a child, and there is some research which shows that kids can outgrow elements ocd which is similar to the experiances I shared. If I was not jewish however, my ocd would have for sure found other things to latch onto. My environment shaped things, but a different envrionment would also have done so. it doesnt matter if I am muslim Jjewish or catholic. All cultures have ideas which my crazy brain can/will pick up on, and decide or not decide to go beserk with past present or future.
As ive shared ive been more stable in my ed and ocd with maturity and age, but ultimately I am not recovered, and deciding to stop being frum wouldnt change this. All cultures have rituals with food and are family centered.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 01 2024, 3:15 pm
| amother Gladiolus wrote: | | You mentioned "safe foods". What exactly are these? These are foods you feel are "safe " to eat? Can you give an example of a junk food that feels safe to you and why? |
Yep! A safe food is one that I will gravitate towards over the choice of another. You can see people with eating disorders gravitate towards their same favorite safe foods over because it is easier then having to make desisions each time. So many options of food to choose from and people must get calories from something of course! Some people with eating disorders might feel that no foods are safe at all, prefer liquids etc.
Lettuce is safe because I like it, like the taste of it, can weigh it out and count the calories and therefore choose to eat it over and over. Chocolate is safe because I like it, like the taste of it, can count the calories of it easily and therefore choose to eat it over and over when I want a treat, but not the babka from the bakery with no nutritional label. If I feel like I can have 500 calories of choclate and the chocolate is 500 calories it is safe, but not if it is 505, I will have that hesitation even though a difference of 5 calories is negligible and not logical. Every time I go to the store I will buy the same type of chocolate over having to make the dessision over another one. It is easier to not buy any chocolate then choose a new safe one if the store is out.
Chocolate might not be safe to someone else because knowing it has exactly 500 calories causes mental hessitation in eating, but that hesitation is not there for the babka which has calories that are unknown. So then the chocolate babka is safe but not if your husband brings home the cinnanmon one from the bakery, because all day you planned for a slice of chocolate babka and now that cant happen bringing hesitation for the new option. Maybe depending on the day, circumstances etc, this person would eat the babka and overcome the ed thoughts, or choose to avoid it as a "fear" and not have any at all.
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amother
Grape
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Mon, Jan 01 2024, 4:02 pm
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You obviously don’t have to answer this if it’s too personal, but someone unthread asked if you still have periods and you said no. Is that because you’re at a menopausal age or because of your ED? How were your periods effected from when this disorder started?
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