Parties should be banned !

amother

Cadetblue

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 7:13 am

Op, are your concerns deeper stemmed than the chanuka parties? Do you have social stress in other areas of your life? I feel sorry for you.

amother

Lightcyan

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 8:36 am

I love parties!!!

I hosted my in laws and it was so nice!

I just spent 20 min looking at photos of my side of the family party. We live too far to go. And t looked so fun and chill. I have gone a few years and it was highlight!

Not sure why yours are so terrible. Maybe it’s the people and not the party itself.

amother

Maple ↓

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 8:39 am

amother Nasturtium wrote:

No, there are actually non judgey families out there.
I hv on both sides! Bh

Same! I have completely non judgmental families on both sides. Our parties are beautiful and enjoyable. And this is with very big families!
We even had a beautiful shabbos Chanukah with everyone together on one side! We actually love being together, despite our differences
Yes, people with good middos exist, and all it takes is everyone putting in a normal amount of effort

amother

Hosta ↓

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 9:23 am

amother Maple wrote:

To be fair, some people do deal with circumstances that make it more difficult to have good middos and no stress between siblings.
On my side there is zero drama (so far lol) and on my husbands side there are dramatic circumstances unfortunately, the sort that can make things awkward or difficult when we all gather.
We still had our party and it worked out beautifully even with the difficulties, but I don’t think it’s fair for people to compare.

amother

↑ Maple ↓

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 9:30 am

amother Hosta wrote:

We don’t have picture perfect situations. We just care very much about each other and we value family. If that’s your end goal, then your good
Of course we have difficult situations. Name me one family that doesn’t! That doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy being together and not get dragged down with petty drama

amother

Quince

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 9:43 am

I agree with op whether consciously or unconsciously, the whole thing is one big show off as is inviting others for meals to show off your beautiful house or to see your guest reaction to some ridiculous thing you bought or prepared It’s mostly self pleasuring and Needing validation from others that you’re An amazing cook, Homemaker, etc.

amother

Wheat

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 9:47 am

Chanukah party, oh what a sight,
Kids running wild, from left to right.
Tired children nodding off,
In the chaos, there's a lot to scoff.

Noisy music fills the air,
Can't hear myself, it's only fair.
Sticky candy, a sugary mess,
Cousins creating a laughter excess.

Babies crying, falling asleep,
While donuts and latkas, memories to keep.
Soda overflowing, can't quench the thirst,
In this hungry frenzy, even the table's cursed.

Aunts and cousins, no space to find,
A chaotic scene of the family kind.
But amid the mess and the joyful cheer,
Chanukah memories we hold dear.

Disclaimer: I had this written by Chatgpt

amother

Blonde ↓

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 9:47 am

I know exactly what op is referring to! Bh not my side but dh side is more competitive. Till now its hosted by mil in her small cozy house but discussions are starting about kids taking over gonna host in big beautiful renovated houses but no way I can host in my tiny dump. You can give all the speeches you want about not comparing\being jealous but end of the day my kids will feel bad. Also the Men talk business each showing off how successful they are...op do u live in the tri state area?

amother

Firebrick ↓

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 9:51 am

I agree with op but it's a pity. if only the "older adults" could chill out a bit we could all have a good time before, during and after.

for me the pain is beforehand, the party is usually nice once everyone is sitting together and having fun.
complicated parents, in-laws, grandparents. it becomes so stressful and painful and dreadful and I wish it would all be banned.

Ema of 5 ↓

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 9:51 am

amother Holly wrote:

No nasty comments or that type of competition in my family bH but parties should be banned anyway. It’s out of hand.

Why should they be banned? Why can’t people just not go?

amother

↑ Hosta

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 9:53 am

amother Maple wrote:

(Not all drama is petty, that’s all. We actually *dont-* all have same difficulty to deal with and it doesn’t seem fair to paint it all with one brush and act as though if you cared hard enough you wouldn’t let it drag you down. Good for your family and mine for making it work, and hatzlacha to the rest ❤️)

NechaMom

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 9:56 am

amother Quince wrote:

I can’t relate to a word you wrote. Sorry that’s your experience. It hasn’t been mine. Not as a host nor as a guest.

amother

↑ Firebrick

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 9:56 am

amother Maple wrote:

I agree. one of my sides, despite complicated matters, everyone is so warm and kind and accepting it's really nice to spend time together. BUT this is a bracha and gift from Hashem, not to be taken lightly. it's not a given that everyone has good middos and no mental health challenges and personality disorders.

↑ shabbatiscoming

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 9:57 am

amother Quince wrote:

This is a very sad state of affairs for anyone living this life.
But Im going to assume that most people are not making a chanukah get together for your reasons.
Most want to get together with their family, have some delicious food and enjoy it all.

tweety1

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 9:58 am

amother OP wrote:

I’m not sure that’s true . For you maybe but there is someone that probably walked away comparing or hurting in some way…

I agree 1000%. Especially in the big families. There's always that one sibling who has a bug mouth and can't keep it shut. Or there's that one sibling who crowned her/him as the police to police whatever it is. Even nobody says that they're hurt, in the big families it's inevitable.

amother

↑ Blonde ↓

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 10:06 am

The point is op is not crazy or introverted. Assuming she lives in either lakewood\monsey\brooklyn this really goes on. The tichel going ladies here are on a totally different planet

sushilover

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 10:09 am

I find the parties stressful at times, but the same is true for all good things in life.

They're definitely worth it. Building a family connection, getting to know the nieces and nephews and cousins, laughing together, reminiscing, giving the older generation nachas...

amother

Leaf ↓

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 10:10 am

I love imamother! No cake smash no Doona no vacation no living.
No wonder your all recommending therapy all the time.
Live a little! enjoy life were not Muslims who believe that only after were dead will we we allowed to enjoy ourselves.

amother

↑ Leaf ↓

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 10:10 am