Parties should be banned !

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 7:44 pm

Sorry to sound like the grinch but I hate all these parties . So much stress . So many bad feelings of who wore what and who spoke to whom and who made what nasty comment etc . I just want to stay in my cozy house and keep my family in this little cocoon.
No one walks away happy. Everyone has something that the other one is jealous of ( better kids, more money, a spouse , a nicer wig etc ) I just wish I could do away with it..

Is it just me ?

amother

Lawngreen ↓

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 7:46 pm

Doubt its just you but you should know its not q universal issue. Many of us have families who are not judgemental and love getting together.

amother

Anemone ↓

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 7:51 pm

Oy that’s sounds awful. No I have had a bunch of parties already and nothing like this.. we’ve enjoyed ourselves so much!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 7:51 pm

amother Lawngreen wrote:

Doubt its just you but you should know its not q universal issue. Many of us have families who are not judgemental and love getting together.

I’m not sure that’s true . For you maybe but there is someone that probably walked away comparing or hurting in some way…

For the record/ nothing specific happened to me - just listening to everyone around me and reading on this site and dreading the party we have later this wk ( yes with judgy critical parents and siblings that always need to compare)

amother

Peachpuff

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 7:58 pm

I feel like everything that becomes a must becomes stressful. I bet chanuka family gatherings were a nice idea once upon a time when families were smaller and life was simpler but these days it's mostly just a headache all around.

amother

Nasturtium

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 7:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

No, there are actually non judgey families out there.
I hv on both sides! Bh

amother

NeonOrange

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 8:01 pm

I agree!
BH I think my family enjoyed but the pressure my motherinlaw puts that we must be there makes no sense.
And then there's the expense, and yes there are comparisons unspoken

amother

↑ Lawngreen

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 8:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

But that's the thing. There might be an insecure person who walks away feeling like that but it has nothing to do with the conversations or anyone else's comments. They feel bad about themselves anytime they see someone have something better than them, the party has nothing to do with it. (TBH I come very simple, somewhat Yeshivish families, we all are living similar lives, with the same cookie cutter house Smile

. I could imagine if there was a bigger income/lifestyle gap there could be more things to compare.)

amother

Daffodil

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 8:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

That’s not an issue with any of our family parties. I happen to just find that many ppl overwhelming, so I don’t love them, but I can’t relate to the issue you brought up at all. I really don’t think most family parties are the way you describe.

amother

↑ Anemone

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 8:06 pm

My family parties aren’t like something u get dressed up for. They are chilled,fun. One sister in law was in a Tichel no one blinked paper chanuka plates from amazing savings and bagels and some pasta and salad..I can see if it was a whole formal thing it might feel more stressful…

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 8:12 pm

We look fwd to the parties! Ye is a hassle getting out at night with everyone and it's squishy and noisy but so nice to see everyone! For some cousins this is the only time of year I get to see them. It's nice to catch up. If u don't like what my kids are wearing, don't look.

tzipis

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 8:13 pm

I just feel like we are so used to family that we take them for granted. This can sometimes make people not in the mood of parties. Imagine how people wished they had family gatherings like this after the holocaust. In those days if you found a third cousin you made sure to have a chanuka party with them.

The chanuka before covid, my husband's family somehow did not end up making a chanuka party (the main 'arranger' suddenly bowed out and no one was in the mood of taking over). Then covid happened. Guess what? The next chanuka, you can be sure they made a party. They suddenly realized how special these family gatherings are. (Yes, they are not perfect. Yes, it costs us money because my in laws don't sponsor it. Yes, it sometimes involves small pressures - mostly self inflicted. But family is that important!)

amother

DarkKhaki

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 8:18 pm

Sorry I cannot relate at all. What you describe is so far from my reality at our Chanuka parties.
I'm sorry to say OP this but the issue is not the parties, the issue is your family. (Or friends, or whoever is at these parties you attend)

amother

NeonPurple

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 8:24 pm

I love Chanukah parties! I rarely get to see mine and dh's siblings and it's such a nice opportunity. It's a low key simple event in my parents/ in laws house. Everyone brings something and we just chill and enjoy. No comparing or jealousy or focusing on what anyone is wearing or anything like that

DrMom

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 8:29 pm

OP, your family's parties sound pretty lousy.

Instead of spoiling the fun for the rest of us, perhaps don't go, or volunteer to host and throw the party you'd like to attend.

shaqued_almond ↓

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 8:30 pm

This is confusing... I've never made those experiences in Florida or Europe. Do you mean family or community parties? If it's the latter, who is forcing you to go?
Are you an introvert and don't know it yet?

amother

Camellia ↓

Mon, Dec 11 2023, 8:48 pm

Mother in law giving sugar only pekalach should be banned...
Literally walked in too early so there was no food ready. Huge plate of cookies on the table. Plus sugar baggies for each kid.
Yes, I tried feeding healthy pre dinner food at home. Yes, we asked them every year to wait at least until after the main. Yes, we'll ask them again not to place the sugar as the appetizer.
Both kids and I had a good time tho. Cool