How long to give it?

amother

Feverfew ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 3:16 am

Minimum 2 years

I think it took five for us too be really settled

Although if you are more specific about the problems you are dealing with we can give better advice on if they are the kind of things that you probably will adjust to or will work out with time, or if u are dealing with real issues....

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 3:20 am

amother Feverfew wrote:

That's a really long time to be unhappy if things aren't working out!
Social life is one of my biggest issues now - how long would you think that would take?

essie14 ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 3:23 am

amother OP wrote:

That's a really long time to be unhappy if things aren't working out!
Social life is one of my biggest issues now - how long would you think that would take?

Can you be more specific about what you mean by social life?
Unfortunately you moved at a hard time.
Your neighbors are probably dealing with husbands/children in the army, social activities have been curtailed, in person events are on zoom, etc.
In general, I'd say to give yourself a solid 1-2 years to make really good friends, but this year will sort of be a wash due to the matzav.

amother

Yolk

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 3:28 am

amother OP wrote:

I've recently moved to Israel and it's very hard, although I know that makes a lot of sense, all new beginnings are hard, especially moving to another country.
How long does it make sense to give it to see if it is working out or if we should move back?

I felt this way 100% for a year and wanted to go back. At one year, it calmed down but I still wanted to take the easy way out and go back. At two years, I was settled and mostly happy but still hesitant to accept forever. At 3 months past two years, no one in the world could ever ask me to go back to America and I’ve become a Zionist. Give yourself grace. Aliyah is the hardest thing you’ll ever do. I thought my neighbors hated me at first or thought I was less than them, we’re best friends now and they’re my family. Shopping was so hard, but now it’s easy. Hebrew was so overwhelming but now I understand although I can hardly speak because I’m very bad at languages.

amother

Steelblue

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 3:37 am

I'm here almost 15 years. My first three months I probably cried every day. My husband kept apologizing for convincing me to move (although I had wanted to make aliyah too). The next six months or so we were sick, either us or kids, for one week each month. It was really really hard. By a year we were feeling somewhat more settled. By now (for many years already) this is our home. We wouldn't have it any other way.

If the main issue for you is social, try to find friends. Depending on whether you have kids/how old they are, so ideas might be:
- bring your gan or school aged kids to gan/school every day, you will meet other mothers dropping off/picking up and over time
- right now there are loads of volunteer opportunities, great way to meet people
- small shiurim, there are even shiurim that let you bring young children along if you still have kids home with you

Hope it improves soon!

amother

↑ Feverfew

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 4:00 am

Even when we moved in the states - it took me two years to feel really part of the community and happy socially.

My cousin moved from lakewood to jackson and said that she s just feeling comfortable a year and a half in, and that was with keeping jobs and schools the same.

If thats the issue - give it some time.

SG18

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 4:41 am

I'd say two years, as well. Our landing spot was not the right area for us. We didn't make friends there, it wasn't our place. I cried often. After we moved, 6 months later, we found the most amazing community.
Something that helped me so much was reaching out to the Rebbetzin of our community every week and asking her to place us by families for a Shabbat meal. While it felt SO awkward, everyone was so welcoming. We were set up with meals for the first few months, and some of those families are now our closest friends.
Meeting women at the park wasn't really my setting, so the more intimate one on one worked better, personally.
Don't think of it as being miserable for 2-5 years. I doubt you're miserable every day. I know- the appointments are a pain. Trying to settle in, getting adjusted to different aspects, is so hard. Trying to make new friends, form new connections, is very challenging.
I promise, we've all been there. B'Hatzlacha ❤️

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 6:03 am

amother Steelblue wrote:

Oh my goodness, I thought that I wrote this post! We have been here for almost the same amount of time, and it, Word for Word. I could’ve written this. It really does take time, but now we’ve been here for nearly 17 years and I would not go back for anything. Life is charging whatever you are, but settling in a new country is extra hard. I think making friends as an adult is a lot harder to. I’m at the age I don’t go to the park because my kids are bigger but sometimes I go just for myself to talk to people. We’ve had guests over. And I don’t have a huge amount of friends, but I would say I have five good friends in the neighborhood and I’m so grateful for each of them. And some of them I only made in the past year or two. Not always simple but I see it’s not the quantity but the quality.

shabbatiscoming ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 6:08 am

amother OP wrote:

How long is recently?
And like others said, at least but I was going to say 3, years tops.
Things just take time to adjust to.
Im here over 2 decades and in the beginning, socially, it was very hard for me. But I never thought about the option to go back.
I knee I had made a neemw life in a new country, for myself. And I made it work.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 9:55 am

Thank you all for your responses, it definitely helps! Although it's hard to see the amount of time it could take to feel settled.
I don't have kids so can't meet people that way. I was thinking of joining an exercise group and meeting people that way, and I like the idea of volunteering as well. My neighbours only speak Hebrew and I don't yet speak it (at all). Any other ideas of how to meet people? I am a social person so a. I'm feeling the lack strongly and b. I need to find opportunities to meet people and see if I feel happier after that.

amother

Cognac

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 9:57 am

amother OP wrote:

OP how long ago did youmake akiyah? Are you newly married? Empty nester? On your own?
Many different ways to meet people.

↑ essie14

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 10:35 am

amother OP wrote:

Are you newlywed? Empty nest?
Do you want to post your city since you're anonymous?

amother

Bisque ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 10:56 am

amother OP wrote:

I moved about a year and a half ago. I have no social life at all, between my job which is afternoon/evening hours (aka overlapping with every single social event ever), my two little kiddies who nap at different times which means I can't leave the house in the morning either, and my neighbors who are all Israeli - but crazy israeli, like the type that have 13 kids in a 2-bedroom apartment and let their 6-year old play with chainsaws unsupervised... in other words not the type of people I would be interested in socializing with even despite the language barrier... so yeah, I can totally relate.

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 1:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

OP, I strongly suggest you to enroll in an Ulpan (Hebrew as a foreign language)
Hebrew is your *main key* to successfully integrate. Once you understand Hebrew a whole world opens up to you Smile

Is your husband Israeli or not?

amother

Topaz

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 1:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

At least 2 years.
I highly recommend to research into communities and neighborhoods you would actually enjoy living in and moving there. This was the most important thing for me as well as finances.
There is something in Navi or other sources I believe that says(not exact words) that when a person comes to eretz Yisrael after being in חו״ל they are placed from a “dirty” place to being in our beautiful eretz hakadosh and that process of cleansing are all the difficulties that newcomers go through and it is also a test because living here is a zechut.
I personally had a very hard time for the first 2 years and now every single day I’m thanking Hashem for living here and seeing his hashgacha on a daily basis. Here for 5 years now bh
Good luck and sending you hugs.

amother

Lightyellow

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 2:03 pm

amother Bisque wrote:

I thought it was just my neighborhood!
It's funny but also shocking. You wouldn't believe some of the stuff I've encountered. Unfortunately social services are working around the clock where I am....

amother

↑ Bisque

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 2:14 pm

amother Lightyellow wrote:

I thought it was just my neighborhood!
It's funny but also shocking. You wouldn't believe some of the stuff I've encountered. Unfortunately social services are working around the clock where I am....

Why unfortunately?
And do we live in the same neighborhood?
DH and I once caught four kids outside at 1:30am lighting a bonfire. Next to a forest. No adults to be seen. The oldest kid there, who was maybe 10, looks straight at my DH and yells "medurah ketana, b'seder?" We called the fire department who said "sorry we can't help you, call the police." We called the police who said they would send someone, an hour and a half later the fire is still burning, the kids are nowhere to be found, the police call us back and say "hey are the kids still out there?" we're like "no" and they said "ok call us if you need anything else." Like they were so helpful the first time we needed something... Rolling Eyes