"Wine is always appreciated, but no need to bring anything"?

amother

Obsidian

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 6:56 pm

Once you mention wine I feel like I have to bring it. Just know that’s how people feel when you mention it.
(As someone with a couple of addict friends, I would never tell someone to bring alcohol, just in case.)

↑ singleagain

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 6:58 pm

OP, what if, you switch it and a minor change

"What can we bring?"

"Nothing is needed, but if you want, bring a favorite drink"

Sometimes I'm like really in the mood for say, a purple Powerade and I'll bring it anyways, but not everyone would feel comfortable

↑ Cheiny ↓

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 6:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

Did you even read the thread? Because I'm very happy -- and most happy -- if people just bring themselves and bring nothing. If they feel obligated to bring something, I don't want food... and wine is the only other thing that makes sense as something that can be served at the table.

Yes I did read it.

If you really don’t want them to bring anything, you would not say FIRST, “Wine is always appreciated, BUT no need…” What you say first is what’s most important to you. Anything after the “but” is not. It just comes off like you really want the wine but you don’t want to sound greedy by asking for it, as others here have said.

Make up your mind and stick to one or the other. Either tell them you want the wine, or tell them there’s no need to bring anything, IF you’re being honest about that, and don’t mention the wine at all.

↑ Cheiny ↓

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 7:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don't to serve want anyone's store bought stuff, nor do I want to serve most peoples' homemade food. I don't want people bringing stuff that I feel obligated to put on my table or that creates an awkward situation if I don't.

Yes, I realize a "cheap" $10 bottle of wine is more expensive for people than buying some store bought cookies. That's why I'm trying to signal to people that they truly don't need to bring anything, but if they REALLY want to bring something, wine is all we really can use.

Do you realize you keep repeating yourself and you seem to just want to convince everyone here that you really don’t want the wine but you’re just being nice and offering that IF they INSIST that’s what they should bring?

And quite honestly, your aversion to having to put something else a guest brought on your table, sounds strange.

For the sake of being a gracious hostess, you can put it out and you don’t have to eat it. Why make a big deal out of it? You can throw it out after they leave.

↑ Cheiny ↓

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 7:02 pm

lamplighter wrote:

So just say, just bring yourselves.
Adding the wine part is asking for wine and puts people in an awkward position.

If they insist just say it's ok, we're looking forward to your company.

Rinse and repeat.

Exactly. This shouldn’t be difficult.

kenz

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 7:22 pm

OP, I think you’re fine too. You can rephrase a bit so that you say first, “There’s really no need, we just want your company, but if you want to bring something, a wine that YOU like is always appreciated.” So they’ll see you’re making it about them rather than you. But I really think your method is fine too. And if someone doesn’t want to bring it, they won’t.

amother

Snowflake

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 7:33 pm

If you don’t want anything (I am the first to admit that I do-I am happy to pawn off the fruit or a salad) then you answer-nothing just your company. If they insist and say, really what can I bring you can say really nothing. If they say I was raised to not come empty handed, then you can say a bottle of wine would be lovely.

It is not complicated to do the dance and go back and forth.

amother

Slategray ↓

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 7:46 pm

OP ignore all these posters giving you a hard time. Your wording is perfect.

You are saying that if they feel it’s necessary to show up with something, you’d love a bottle of wine. But it should be no pressure and you are not expecting anything.

If someone told that to me I would be happy to have been told something specific and also happy that it’s not an expectation in case it doesn’t work out, though I try to never show up empty handed. I usually bring wine myself since bringing food items as you say can get awkward, if the hostess feels pressured to serve.

Wine can be very cheap, and if someone is going to bring something then going out of your way to stop at a liquor store or almost any grocery store to buy a bottle is the same time or effort it takes to buy a food dish or make something yourself. And $8-10 for a cheap bottle is not a lot, any fruit platter or box of cookies will cost around the same. Making a salad would cost the same too between all the ingredients.

Don’t overthink it. I’m sure whoever you text that line to won’t overthink it either. They’ll either get wine or not, and that’s it.

amother

↑ Slategray ↓

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 8:26 pm

amother Chambray wrote:

My husband would never show up with a $8 bottle. He'll spend at least 20-30. I can make any dish for less than that, and pay for with food stamps.

So then don’t bring anything..

amother

Lightgreen

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 9:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

People usually ask me if they can bring anything or what can they bring. My meals are complete and coordinated and I don't really want or need someone else bringing food. I usually say something like "Wine is always appreciated, but no need to bring anything." Is that polite/okay?

I usually tell people: Truly nothing necessary but the pleasure of your company. If you really want to bring something, there is never too much wine or dessert.

amother

↑ Slategray ↓

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 9:54 pm

amother Moccasin wrote:

its a little bit bizarre and not normal how much u dont want a guest to Bring something other than wine. like who really cares, just put it on the table.

Who cares if she said wine? Would it bother you if someone asked what to bring and she said a fruit platter? Or asked them to prepare a side dish/salad for the meal?

If someone is looking to bring something that the hostess will appreciate, that is what she’ll appreciate. If someone is looking to bring what they’ll appreciate, then what’s the point of bringing a hostess gift. And if someone is annoyed that the host wants wine, don’t bring anything no harm no foul. I don’t understand why everyone is jumping down OPs throat.

amother

Ginger

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 10:11 pm

amother Slategray wrote:

I wouldn’t overthink it but since the op literally asked. She herself picked apart the line and asked our opinion.

↑ Cheiny

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 11:55 pm

amother Lightgreen wrote:

I usually tell people: Truly nothing necessary but the pleasure of your company. If you really want to bring something, there is never too much wine or dessert.

That’s different than how OP says it. The first thing she mentions is the wine, and then she says, ‘BUT you really don’t have to.’ See the difference?

amother

Carnation

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 2:37 am

I think you should give a cheaper/simpler option as well. I like the "There's never too much wine or dessert" phrase above. And I think you should get over your aversion to putting a dessert on the table. It's true, then you are much less likely to get wine, but you are also much less likely to make people uncomfortable.

But I'm saying this because you are asking if what you are saying is okay. If you really really want wine and nothing else, I guess what you are saying makes that fairly clear. I just think that request is really difficult for some. I guess you can also change it depending on who you're inviting. Is it always families you know well? Do their shabbos tables look similar to yours re the wine drinking?

When I was single, I knew nothing about different wines and remember a couple of times feeling very uncomfortable because I needed to bring to someone for some reason. Nobody wants to look cheap buying the cheapest possible wine. And also now, I know nothing about real wines. I would much rather buy a candy platter or cake or cookies.

amother

↑ Slategray ↓

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 8:23 am

amother Cerulean wrote:

I probably run in different circles.
But if I offer to bring something, I'm offering to contribute a dish to the meal.
Not a gift, which I consider wine to be.
So I would be a little taken aback.

Saying “can I bring something” to me implies a hostess gift. If somebody is only interested in cooking a dish then they can say “can I make something” and avoid any confusion

amother

↑ Sand

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 8:52 am

amother Slategray wrote:

Saying “can I bring something” to me implies a hostess gift. If somebody is only interested in cooking a dish then they can say “can I make something” and avoid any confusion

I'm sorry, a hostess gift? If they're only coming for a meal?
I like to host my guests both for meals and for sleeping over without any strings attached. I don't expect anything from them, definitely not a hostess gift.