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amother
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 Thu, Nov 23 2023, 6:09 pm
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Do people skip making a meal in a hall if they can't afford the extra expense? (I'm talking about skipping meals for guests completely.)
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amother
Clear
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Thu, Nov 23 2023, 6:29 pm
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Guests coming in for your aufruf definitely expect and need to be fed. It's up to you if you do it in a hall, or your house, or somewhere else based on your budget and the size of your crowd. But I've never heard of telling guests, "Thanks for coming in, you're on your own to find meals."
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amother
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Thu, Nov 23 2023, 6:35 pm
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Do people ever say that they're not providing meals so people shouldn't come in from out of town?
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amother
Offwhite
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Thu, Nov 23 2023, 7:39 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Do people ever say that they're not providing meals so people shouldn't come in from out of town? |
Better not to invite them . How are out of towners supposed to find their own meals?
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amother
Arcticblue
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Thu, Nov 23 2023, 7:44 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Do people ever say that they're not providing meals so people shouldn't come in from out of town? |
Yes, of course. My siblings don't provide meals and obviously, we don't travel for their children's aufrufs. We're not insulted that they don't provide (if they can't afford it they can't afford it) and they're not insulted that we don't attend (how could we without meals).
We would love to be there if it could work and they would love to have us if possible but everyone understands why it doesn't.
The only people you have to provide meals for is the kallah's father and random brothers that come along. You should be able to feed those few people with your own family.
Mazel tov!
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amother
Gladiolus
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Fri, Nov 24 2023, 3:06 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Do people skip making a meal in a hall if they can't afford the extra expense? (I'm talking about skipping meals for guests completely.) |
I dont know people who skipped guests completely,
But seversl of my neighbors served meals in their home and limited it to chossons siblings families (happens to be only a few married kids), grandparents, kallahs immediate male relatives who came (no families), and the chossons friends. For chosson friends a smaller number stayed for shobbos and she hosted more for lunch (Lakewood). It was about 25 people eating at night and 35 eating during the day (I made things for it so I know head counts). If your family is smaller these numbers could be smaller.
Can you do this?
Is was Lakewood so plenty of people walked in and ate by the kiduush (thats not free, but much less).
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amother
Lightcoral
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Fri, Nov 24 2023, 3:31 am
Yes people do a kiddush for just the local people, and host a meal for just the grandparents, and immediate siblings.
Not the aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.
People do this even when they CAN afford it, the whole celebration without the kallah is weird imo.
A kiddush, yes.
But I think it's gone overboard.
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