I have anorexia AMA

amother

Stoneblue ↓

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 11:06 pm

I don't know if this belongs here. I was on the verge of anorexia as a teenager. Never actually diagnosed, but was almost there. I have gotten out of it, not sure how. I often feel like I have to be anorexic now, so I can cure the trigger. Banging head

. I'm a mother of little kids, nursing, and want more kids so I am leveled enough to not ruin my body, but I NEED to be anorexic. I'm crazy with this. Never told anyone.

amother

Blushpink ↓

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 11:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

Part of being sick is for me is finding comfort in my ed, therefore wanting help is hard even though of course logically I don't want to be this way. My health is somewhere between fair and poor. There's a lot wrong with me including osteoporosis but I minimize my symptoms and I'm used to it. Yes my family knows and we all don't like talking about it me because I don't like the confrontation.

Wow. I can’t believe im reading this. Unfortunately I have an eating disorder too. For longer than I have not had and I am realizing I have really bad osteoporosis but am scared to go to a doctor. Im simply ignoring it but the symptoms are worsening. Are you treating it? If yes, how?

amother

↑ Blushpink ↓

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 11:36 pm

amother Stoneblue wrote:

. I'm a mother of little kids, nursing, and want more kids so I am leveled enough to not ruin my body, but I NEED to be anorexic. I'm crazy with this. Never told anyone.

Please, for the sake of your children, get help. Im older and too far gone. Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder if I will be around to marry off my children (against all odds I do have a small family!) oh how I wish someone took care of me when I was younger…..

amother

↑ Stoneblue ↓

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 11:45 pm

amother Blushpink wrote:

I've been in therapy for a while, taking care of other issues that might have caused this as a teenager. I don't think about it all the time, just whenever anyone talks about it, or I bump into it on imamother, etc. As I mentioned, I don't think I'll actually get anorexic again, but sometimes I wish I would. Can't Believe It

Crazy me.

amother

RosePink

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 1:18 am

Did it start before or after marriage? Were you in any residential treatment centers? Are you getting any help now? It's not something that just goes away by itself. My daughter is anorexic and she's been in treatment for 5 years already, if she would leave treatment she probably wouldn't eat anything

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 7:18 pm

amother Powderblue wrote:

Asking to understand others with this condition. How does it feel with this condition? Meaning do you not get hungry. Withiut enough food how do you have energy throughout the day ?
Do people with this condition ever take iv to have enough nutrients ?
What foods do people eat ?
Is this something that others can easily pick up or can one hide it good enough that others can't tell ? (The last question was for shidduchim purposes)

For most of the time I am not hungry as the body gets too tired to send these hunger cues constantly it is a waste of energy when it doesn't get any energy in response. I do feel those pits of hunger though, sometimes it feels good but sometimes it makes me cranky and irritated like a regular person would be. I only have enough energy because my body is in a state of survival. I am not truly living life, I do not have the energy but my body finds a way to persevere.

People with anorexia can end up with feeding tubes, total parental nutrition, or ivs for glucose, electrolytes and more. I take well enough care of myself that this is not a part of my daily life. People with anorexia eat many things across the spectrum. Safe foods can be stereotypical apples and low calorie foods, or junk food in safe amounts and of specific brands. I eat a mixture of both.

Anorexia as defined is not usually hidden well because being underweight is a part of the diagnosis and the combination of that with noticeable behaviors makes the condition obvious. Other eating disorders where someone does not technically have the label of anorexia can be more under the rug even when people notice behaviors unfortunately. The root of the issue is the same but is able to be more hidden .

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 7:26 pm

amother RosePink wrote:

It started way before I got married and I have not been hospitalized or in any program since I was a teenager. I am not in any recovery programs and do not seek medical care to except to manage my physicals health. You are right that eating disorders do not go away on their own and I am proud of your daughter for seeking help. For myself however treatment programs as they are have not helped me either. Anorexia is competitive and being around others made me worse and want validation from others and doctors of my illness. Being in a treatment program can give support to eat, and validation that one is sick so it becomes a way of having permission only to eat in those circumstances.

Your daughter may be going through this. I would never advise your situation but I would like to state that for myself I do better eating more on my own, not in a treatment program. Staying stable enough to not be in treatment is my motivation for me to eat as much as I do, and being thrust into that situation would result in me eating less. Me and your daughter clearly differ.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 7:39 pm

amother Tanzanite wrote:

Do you have a history of any sort of abuse?

Do you have supportive parents?

I was molested and dealt with physical and emotional abuse from my parents but they also tried their best to do good. It made for very confusing messaging growing up. I often question if my mother, father or both may be narcissist before coming up will all of the reasons for why it can't be true.

My family is dysfunctional and at the root of these issues while also having been as supportive as they could. There is nothing my parents can do at this point for a resolution for the foundation of my eating disorder or for my recovery. Family members including my parents remain caring, but are also burnt out. My illness is a sensitive subject and we do not have an open dialogue. I do not enjoy being burdensome and mostly keep important matters to myself. I do not vent to any relatives or seek out support in this way but if I would they would be there for me.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 7:57 pm

amother Blushpink wrote:

I am not treating my anorexia, only the medical complications that it causes. Please see your doctor regarding your concerns for osteoporosis so you can get a bone scan done and be put on an appropriate medication. The sooner you are put on medication to support your bone density the better off you will be. Good luck and I hope you find relif from the right provider.

amother

↑ Blushpink ↓

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 8:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

Im not treating it either and was never in a treatment center. I tried hiding it for many years (they figured it out but I was extremely stubborn and in the throes of the disorder to allow myself to be helped!) and nobody actively tried to do anything abt it. So im in really bad shape regarding my osteoporosis, pain and shriveling bones, but have been reading such horrible things abt the meds (and also that it makes u gain weight) that Im completely ignoring it. Also I am scared/embarrassed to go to a doctor and tell the the root of the issue. I wouldnt even know where to start. Im in new york. If you know of a compassionate doctor and wouldnt mind sharing….

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 10:57 pm

amother Blushpink wrote:

Go to any dr in your neighberhood that accepts your insurance and if you do not mesh you aren't under any obligation to go back to them. Hatzlacha.

amother

↑ Banana ↓

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 11:11 pm

Anorexia isn’t a way of life. It’s an illness. How do you manage the day to day with a family when you can’t eat and have no energy.
I too have an eating disorder but I wouldn’t call it a “way of life”.
I do agree thought that it’s semi under control which is why I just float through day by day.
How I wish I could treat it though.
But after all these years I doubt it’ll ever be gone.

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 11:51 pm

amother Stoneblue wrote:

OMG, I'm on the verge of falling into this. I have a nursing baby, and whatever I eat, I do it for her. I hope she's getting enough nutrition for healthy development.

For the sake of your baby please please please reach out to professionals and get treatment for yourself. Also, if you're really not sure that you're eating enough for her to have proper nutrition consider switching to formula. Breast is only best if baby is getting the right nutrition.