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-> Parenting our children
amother
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 Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:04 pm
| ora_43 wrote: | At a family reunion full of kids?
There are plenty of times I want to talk to adults without kids around. So I make plans with the adults, and don't bring the kids.
Inviting kids and then telling them "but you can't sit with us because you're small and annoying" (yes, obviously you wouldn't say it that bluntly, but that's the essential meaning) is just cruel. |
No, it's not cruel. Everyone sits with their age and stage group. There's no reason for a child to be sitting with adults when there are other children her age she can sit with. Adults are allowed to have adult conversation even if children are around. It's not cruel for children to be sitting with other children. Kids are allowed to know that they don't belong everywhere all the time. It's not cruel.
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amother
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:11 pm
Many topics. Chinuch, shidduch issues, medical situations, school issues, financial topics, politics/world news, certain community news, abuse situations, mental health topics, pregnancy/birth related topics, some work related topics, relationship topics, marriage topics.
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amother
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:16 pm
| amother Glitter wrote: | | No, it's not cruel. Everyone sits with their age and stage group. There's no reason for a child to be sitting with adults when there are other children her age she can sit with. Adults are allowed to have adult conversation even if children are around. It's not cruel for children to be sitting with other children. Kids are allowed to know that they don't belong everywhere all the time. It's not cruel. |
It's probably better not to have sensitive discussions in a big group setting anyway. Even if kids are sitting separately there's a good chance the adults' voices are louder than they realize and kids hear stuff anyway. Why can't people save those conversations for the phone or in smaller more private settings? Keep it clean and family friendly for group gatherings.
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Bnei Berak 10
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:18 pm
| amother Glitter wrote: | | Many topics. Chinuch, shidduch issues, medical situations, school issues, financial topics, politics/world news, certain community news, abuse situations, mental health topics, pregnancy/birth related topics, some work related topics, relationship topics, marriage topics. | Politics/world news you consider and adult only subject? 
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Bnei Berak 10
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:20 pm
| amother Aster wrote: | | It's probably better not to have sensitive discussions in a big group setting anyway. Even if kids are sitting separately there's a good chance the adults' voices are louder than they realize and kids hear stuff anyway. Why can't people save those conversations for the phone or in smaller more private settings? Keep it clean and family friendly for group gatherings. | Agree
I wonder what the Shabbos table look like in those homes. Are the kids seated at the kids table too?
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amother
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:21 pm
Very common
This is your oldest
Get professional parenting to help guide you in parenting this new stage
Hatzlocha
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amother
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:23 pm
| Bnei Berak 10 wrote: | Agree
I wonder what the Shabbos table look like in those homes. Are the kids seated at the kids table too? |
But it's not a shabbos table. A shabbos meal is family time. A family reunion where an entire extended family gets together, and ages/stages generally sit together, it makes sesne for adults to have some discussions that are not meant for kids to hear.
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amother
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:25 pm
| amother Aster wrote: | | It's probably better not to have sensitive discussions in a big group setting anyway. Even if kids are sitting separately there's a good chance the adults' voices are louder than they realize and kids hear stuff anyway. Why can't people save those conversations for the phone or in smaller more private settings? Keep it clean and family friendly for group gatherings. |
Often when a group of adults sit together, certain topics of discussion automatically come up.
That's normal and it's ok to tell children to hang out with kids their age.
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LovesHashem
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:25 pm
| amother Glitter wrote: | | Many topics. Chinuch, shidduch issues, medical situations, school issues, financial topics, politics/world news, certain community news, abuse situations, mental health topics, pregnancy/birth related topics, some work related topics, relationship topics, marriage topics. |
Do you ban your preteens from reading adult books or magazines too? Just curious because I was reading frum magazines cover to cover at age 10.
I read about all sorts of stuff covering a wide range of topics like this.
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amother
Lemonlime
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:26 pm
| amother Glitter wrote: | | But it's not a shabbos table. A shabbos meal is family time. A family reunion where an entire extended family gets together, and ages/stages generally sit together, it makes sesne for adults to have some discussions that are not meant for kids to hear. |
What happens if a child is sick, wants to sit near their mother, or needs something, or just hangs around? Do you go kick them out?
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amother
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:28 pm
| LovesHashem wrote: | Do you ban your preteens from reading adult books or magazines too? Just curious because I was reading frum magazines cover to cover at age 10.
I read about all sorts of stuff covering a wide range of topics like this. |
I do not allow my pre teens to read adult magazines and certain books. There's enough reading material that's age appropriate for them & there's no reason for young kids to be exposed to the topics written up in adult magazines. I don't see reason to strip them of their youth at that age. Just because you were reading such topics at 10, doesn't make it age appropriate. And everyone has different ideas of what they're comfortable exposing their children to.
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amother
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:29 pm
| amother Lemonlime wrote: | | What happens if a child is sick, wants to sit near their mother, or needs something, or just hangs around? Do you go kick them out? |
We use our common sense.
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LovesHashem
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:33 pm
| amother Glitter wrote: | | I do not allow my pre teens to read adult magazines and certain books. There's enough reading material that's age appropriate for them & there's no reason for young kids to be exposed to the topics written up in adult magazines. I don't see reason to strip them of their youth at that age. Just because you were reading such topics at 10, doesn't make it age appropriate. And everyone has different ideas of what they're comfortable exposing their children to. |
I mean I had read every single book in our small frum community library at least twice, and I was so bored. I read book at the public library but I got bored of them too. I would go through so many in a week....
I'm just curious, if your child expressed interest you would tell them they aren't allowed, and hide them? Would you hide all your adult sefarim and books too?
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amother
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:35 pm
| LovesHashem wrote: | I mean I had read every single book in our small frum community library at least twice, and I was so bored. I read book at the public library but I got bored of them too. I would go through so many in a week....
I'm just curious, if your child expressed interest you would tell them they aren't allowed, and hide them? Would you hide all your adult sefarim and books too? |
Why are you interrogating me? My kids have plenty to read and are not deprived, don't worry.
What you did as a child, doesn't mean that it's ok and it doesn't have anything to do with how I raise my children. There's plenty for them to read without them having to read things that are not age appropriate for them.
Exposing young children to everything, does not make one a better parent and isn't necessarily healthy for the child.
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amother
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:37 pm
| amother Glitter wrote: | Often when a group of adults sit together, certain topics of discussion automatically come up.
That's normal and it's ok to tell children to hang out with kids their age. |
Even if they are off from the adult group, it's extremely likely they hear and pick up snippets from your conversation. Don't assume anything....
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amother
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:39 pm
| amother Aster wrote: | | Even if they are off from the adult group, it's extremely likely they hear and pick up snippets from your conversation. Don't assume anything.... |
I know, I'm not assuming. All I'm saying is that if there are other children their age to sit with, there's no reason for a child to be sitting with adults.
I don't think I've even seen at a wedding kids sitting with adults.
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LovesHashem
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:39 pm
| amother Glitter wrote: | Why are you interrogating me? My kids have plenty to read and are not deprived, don't worry.
What you did as a child, doesn't mean that it's ok and it doesn't have anything to do with how I raise my children. There's plenty for them to read without them having to read things that are not age appropriate for them. |
A curious preteen really doesn't have any urge to pick up your magazine or an adult book off the shelf when you aren't around?
I am not saying they are being deprived, I'm just finding it improbable that a curious preteen or teen wouldn't pick something up especially if they see you using it and it's stored in the living room and very accessible.
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amother
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:42 pm
| amother Glitter wrote: | I know, I'm not assuming. All I'm saying is that if there are other children their age to sit with, there's no reason for a child to be sitting with adults.
I don't think I've even seen at a wedding kids sitting with adults. |
I sure have. Family seating.
And actually it's probably better because ladies will be more careful with the topics they may choose to (unwittingly loudly) converse upon. It's a good way to keep people in check and save private topics for more appropriate settings.
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amother
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Sun, Aug 20 2023, 4:45 pm
| amother Aster wrote: | I sure have. Family seating.
And actually it's probably better because ladies will be more careful with the topics they may choose to (unwittingly loudly) converse upon. It's a good way to keep people in check and save private topics for more appropriate settings. |
I've never seen family seating at a wedding.
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