Why are FF mommies so judgy and nasty to BF mommies?

BH Yom Yom

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 12:23 pm

Fed is best. The end. As long as the baby is getting nutrition, the rest is irrelevant. No one should be shaming anyone else for how they take care of feeding their baby!

For the record, I BF but many times I would pump and if we were going out somewhere and I didn’t want to navigate BF in public, I would give my baby a bottle of the pumped milk. People might’ve assumed it was formula. Who cares what they think. I was doing what worked for my baby and me.

May all mommies and babies be healthy and have their needs met in healthy ways!

amother

Poppy ↓

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 12:26 pm

Sweetmommy wrote:

I'm not judging anyone.
Ideally BF is best. Hashem created a woman with the ability to nurse her baby.
If any FF women are stating that formula feeding is ideal that's just a false statement.
If a woman can't for whatever reason. That is her right. And no one should question or judge.
I think as with anything in life: MYOB!!

Here’s a good example where the judgment starts slipping in. FF is actually ideal for many babies!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 12:29 pm

amother Lemonlime wrote:

FF mom' have always been shamed and judged way more than BF mom's. I haven't seen BF mom's being commented and shamed & FF mom's constantly get shamed, judged, harassed, and bullied.

You'd think, right?

But I've had soooo many comments, if I had a dollar for each comment I wouldn't have to work for three months probably.

I think you just don't see it because you're a FF mom, no?

Personally I've never seen an FF mom get shamed or comments, but I've seen other BF moms get the comments and I've had them enough myself. Once I noticed a 1.5yo nursing on a train and the mother immediately started apologizing to me. Like, why? It shouldn't be this way, she shouldn't feel like she has to apologize to everyone just because her baby insists on nursing right that second.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 12:31 pm

amother Lemonlime wrote:

FF mom's constantly need to defend themselves to people preaching that BF is best and bla bla bla.
They're the one's constantly being put down.
I don't believe that OP is being shamed for breastfeeding, I believe she just wants to stir the pot and get a thread heated.

Wow way to delegitimize another mother's experience. It doesn't match yours so it must be fake.

Sweetie I've been shamed and harassed more times than I can count. I must move in different circles than you do. But if I didn't have a spine I'd definitely have been shamed into FF a few kids ago and definitely with my baby I wouldn't have lasted this long.

It takes so much backbone to nurse!! I know that if I were less religious/ not religious there would be tons more support, and it's so painful.

Oh I forgot the comments that avoiding nidda isn't a good reason to breastfeed and I should stop trying to use nursing as BC and just switch to normal BC if I don't want another baby. Uhh LAM is so far down the list of why I nurse it's just laughable but what business does anyone have telling me what to do for BC or that I should stop babying my baby and using it as an excuse not to have another??? Yeah real comments. IRL. Offline. By people who don't have internet at home.

amother

↑ Lemonlime

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 12:34 pm

amother OP wrote:

I didn't mention anything about how I feed my babies...
Your posts are just so full of venom, that they seem exaggerated and just looking to stir the pot.
I do not believe that BF mom's constantly get shamed and judged. I only see the other way around, online and IRL.

↑ Ema of 5 ↓

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 12:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

I have formula fed and bre@stfed. I have certainly gotten shamed and judged for bottle feeding. I have never been shamed or judged for nursing, even when I was nursing (only once a day) a 3+ year old.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 12:41 pm

amother Lemonlime wrote:

Sorry, it's...let's see...6y9m cumulative breastfeeding experience, so that many years worth of nasty comments.

It's so cool that you only see one side getting shamed, that doesn't mean that my experiences (and I'm not the only one, I'm in a nursing moms group and every day there are posts about the nasty comments and shaming and pushing to FF) don't exist.

I assumed you are FF because let's face it most of the time these comments are made quietly, off to the side, in private, etc. it's not like anyone is yelling them. So each person usually experiences comments for her own choices, and if you've seen comments to FF moms but not BF moms then you are probably an FF mom, which is great, you do you, just don't undermine the fact that I also get comments.

amother

↑ Poppy ↓

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 12:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

You opened the thread to see how others experienced it.
99% of people are saying that ff moms are shamed and bf not. If your experience is different then you’re the exception. Hard to discuss something that most people can’t relate to.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 12:43 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

Tell me where you live, I might move there. And I'm only half-joking.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 12:47 pm

amother Poppy wrote:

So if I am the exception it's okay to delegitimize and bully me?

I opened the thread to say why do FF moms bully BF moms, maybe FF moms should stop already.

I don't count 99%, I count three plus me saying BF moms are bullied (total 4) and five so far saying FF moms are bullied. That's really not the 99% you say are saying I'm wrong. (I counted different posters, not the same poster writing multiple posts.)

amother

Jade

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 12:48 pm

Agree with op. Exclusively breastfed my first and when I asked if I can go to a back room to nurse I used to get comments like why doesn’t take a bottle especially when he was over 6 months plus many other judgmental comments same or similar to the examples she gave

↑ ora_43 ↓

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 1:02 pm

I do think that when it comes to this debate, there's an extra element of - of course anyone who breastfeeds thinks that's best, because who's gonna go through the hassle just for her own amusement?

Kind of like how you can't realistically expect someone who eats all organic to think that non-organic is just as healthy, or for someone who keeps kosher to think it's just as legitimate to not keep kosher. By definition, it's a choice you make because you think it's the better/healthier choice.

(to be fair, there's always that 1% who nurse solely for financial reasons)

So we need to be realistic. We can avoid judging people (as opposed to actions). We can recognize that life is complex, and that something that is better in general isn't necessarily better in a specific case.

But we're never going to get to a point of thinking that all options are exactly equal. And that's OK! It would be impossible to live life like that, anyway.

Just don't be judgy or nasty, realize that other people have their own lives and their own struggles and their own circumstances, and (maybe most importantly) realize that nobody wants your opinion unless they asked for it, and probably not even then. And it'll all be good.

amother

↑ Papayawhip

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 1:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ff moms get shamed all the time while bf mom's are encouraged

Op I don't know in which world you live in but I live in brooklyn and this has been my experiences, as well as my Friends and family

↑ ora_43

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 1:12 pm

Y'all are talking like there's only one type of community out there when it comes to these things.

Breastfeeding vs formula feeding varies wildly by community. So it can absolutely be true both that one person in one community got criticized for breastfeeding but not formula feeding, while for another person somewhere else it was the other way around.

Personally I mostly nursed, some bottles, was never criticized BH (or maybe I was, and just didn't notice? What

). My general sense overall is that women who formula feed tend to get more criticism, but it really can go either way.

GLUE

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 1:48 pm

The problem is the "mommies war"

Instead of everyone encouraging each other that the parenting thing is hard, many have an attitude
My way or the hi way.

I think it goes both ways no matter how you chose to feed your baby someone will have a problem with it.

It is sad that we can't except that there is more then one way to parent.