Why are FF mommies so judgy and nasty to BF mommies?

amother

↑ Poppy ↓

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 2:03 pm

amother Papayawhip wrote:

Ff moms get shamed all the time while bf mom's are encouraged

Op I don't know in which world you live in but I live in brooklyn and this has been my experiences, as well as my Friends and family

Have friends and relatives all over NY and NJ too and this is our experience too for years. Wonder in which world OP is experiencing this.

amother

Bluebell

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 2:05 pm

This is what I received when I was nursing my baby at 8 months "Really? Wow! You're STILL nursing him?" (1) this one happened a few times

From another relative trying not to interfere very gently "What do the other people who live in your community do? Do they all feed for this long?" (2)

A relative to my husband "I'm not trying to interfere but you know that your wife might not get pregnant if she nurses" (3)

When I was in a shopping mall a non jewish woman came in to the nursing room next to me and proceeded to nurse her 1.5-2 year old who was wearing shoes. I felt so validated that other people actually do this as well!

I try to ignore but it does bother me when people don't mind their own business. Just sharing that I've received these comments too

amother

↑ Poppy ↓

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 2:06 pm

amother Bluebell wrote:

Where do you live?

amother

Arcticblue

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 2:32 pm

amother Oxfordblue wrote:

I'm a formula mom and I feel it is the other way around...I've gotten so many looks, stares and comments for giving bottles.

I once went to a wedding with my baby and got 3 comments from 3 diff people who saw me feeding bottles

I never once made a comment to a BF mom. I couldn't care less what other people do. I'm a live and let live kind of person, in many diff areas.

Same here. I get looked at weird and some mean comments about giving my babies bottles.

amother

Green ↓

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 2:49 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

I have formula fed and bre@stfed. I have certainly gotten shamed and judged for bottle feeding. I have never been shamed or judged for nursing, even when I was nursing (only once a day) a 3+ year old.

FACTS. The shaming starts before the baby is even born

amother

DarkGray ↓

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 2:50 pm

amother Arcticblue wrote:

Same here. I get looked at weird and some mean comments about giving my babies bottles.

Me too! The side eye is real - get it all the time. You see the judgement in people’s eyes when I pull out my formula.

And people have told my husband he’s a fool for letting me formula feed, now he’ll have to wake up at night to feed the baby too instead of only me with my nursing being able to do it. Idiots.

amother

Navyblue

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 3:19 pm

I guess what you define as bullying. I never thought I got bullied until I read this thread Scratching Head

.
I nursed until 2.5 years and definitely got comments about it. But I just like to use it as an opportunity to tell people how nice it is and that you don't have to feel bad and stop. People would apologize for nursing kids over a year. I have also gotten comments about how could I possibly nurse in public, I guess you want me to take up the only bathroom in a crowded pizza store so you don't realize that I'm nursing my baby. Not worthy

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 3:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

Sorry, it's...let's see...6y9m cumulative breastfeeding experience, so that many years worth of nasty comments.

It's so cool that you only see one side getting shamed, that doesn't mean that my experiences (and I'm not the only one, I'm in a nursing moms group and every day there are posts about the nasty comments and shaming and pushing to FF) don't exist.

I assumed you are FF because let's face it most of the time these comments are made quietly, off to the side, in private, etc. it's not like anyone is yelling them. So each person usually experiences comments for her own choices, and if you've seen comments to FF moms but not BF moms then you are probably an FF mom, which is great, you do you, just don't undermine the fact that I also get comments.

What is your problem op.

↑ NotInNJMommy

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 3:48 pm

amother Arcticblue wrote:

Same here. I get looked at weird and some mean comments about giving my babies bottles.

Years ago, I was traveling and stopped at a chinese restaurant in the tri state area and was asked to leave to feed my baby a bottle because it was formula. Halevai I wish I could have EBF!

tichellady

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 3:51 pm

Fortunately the people I know are not so nasty. I had a few weird comments about nursing but nothing so weird as in this thread.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 3:51 pm

amother Poppy wrote:

Have friends and relatives all over NY and NJ too and this is our experience too for years. Wonder in which world OP is experiencing this.

So both of you are in the tri-state area.

Let's just say I don't want to out myself but I don't live in the tri-state area. Maybe that explains some of the differences between your experiences and mine.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 3:53 pm

amother Navyblue wrote:

I guess what you define as bullying. I never thought I got bullied until I read this thread Scratching Head

Bullying means people don't leave me alone the first time I tell them off but continue pestering me and shaming me.

I like your retorts and your attitude, never thought of saying it that way. Maybe I should adopt some.

amother

Grape

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 3:56 pm

My baby had allergies - screaming, rashes and vomiting every time she breastfed. Couldn't figure out what the problem food was. I cut out peanuts, sesame, wheat, eggs, soy...she was my first kid, I was so exhausted and hungry all the time, and I also had an eating disorder as a teenager so all these food restrictions were not helping. Finally I caved and put her on formula, and it was like the sun came out again.

Why did it take me so long to put her on formula? Because of all the comments I got from family and friends when I mentioned that I was considering it.

"Already? She's only xyz months old"
"This is what happens when a mommy goes to work"
"No judgment" (in very judgmental voice)
"Did the doctor say it was OK?"
"Can't you try making it work just a little longer?"

amother

Sand

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 3:58 pm

NotInNJMommy wrote:

Years ago, I was traveling and stopped at a chinese restaurant in the tri state area and was asked to leave to feed my baby a bottle because it was formula. Halevai I wish I could have EBF!

To be dlkz, that was probably a kashrus thing. I’ve seen those signs in restaurants from the hashgacha

6000miles

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 4:03 pm

I live in Israel (not Jerusalem) and I feel the same as OP.

Some comments I got:

“Still nursing him?!”

“Formula is soooo muchhh easier….. (hint, hint)”

“That’s why he’s so attached to you, if you would FF he wouldn’t be…”

“Ugh I hate nursing babies, I only FF” right in front of me BF

But these were only from born and bred Israelis….

LittleDucky

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 5:24 pm

Both sides judge.
I BF and have been judged. I have heard from FF moms that they get judged. Guess what- we all get judged!!

Moms do this because we have Jewish mother guilt over everything we do. Just look at threads on here. We worry we are doing the right thing and then judge ourselves over the choices we make.
The easy alternative is to just judge others. They must be wrong so I don't have to feel bad about my choices.

Instead- stop looking and commenting on what others decide to do. I think we live in such a conformist society that judging is just easier and more "natural" to us. But we need to stop the comparisons and judging.

↑ Ema of 5 ↓

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 5:42 pm

amother Navyblue wrote:

I guess what you define as bullying. I never thought I got bullied until I read this thread Scratching Head

Yea, comments are not the same as bullying. I’ve never been bullied, but I’ve gotten comments, both when nursing and when bottle feeding.

amother

Charcoal

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 6:09 pm

I breastfeed until at least 2, usually closer to 2.5, and in my experience, formula moms are shamed FAR more than nursing moms. I'm on baby 4 so far, and have never heard a judgmental comment before age 1. I get a little after that because it's like the second it becomes supplemental rather than the main source of nutrition the baby is now "too old" but whatever. But honestly, I see so much more shaming of formula moms. Like formula is poison, like they're selfish for taking the more "convenient" route (personally I think not having to wash bottles is the more convenient route). Nobody calls bf moms selfish. I do think people are often not as supportive as they should be of bf mothers, but actual shaming is very rare and I have not come across it.

zaq

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 6:20 pm

This debate goes around and around in circles like the debates between WMs and SAHMs, the fertile Myrtles and the childless-by-choice, the equal partners and the surrendered wives, and every other parameter by which you can split the population into two poles. (Oh, yes, I forgot about the kollel wives and the wives of working men.) There is never any resolution because each of us does what she believes to be best, as is her prerogative, and no one has any right to tell her otherwise. Why bother with threads like these at all? If someone comes to you and asks you what you do and why, explain it calmly without heat and without trying to proselytize, and finished. You had your say, now let your audience do with it what she will.

amother

Cognac

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 6:23 pm

People will have their opinions on both sides but personally I feel shamed for bf my baby over a year. I get things like Uch he has teeth, he talks, he sees your body, that’s why he’s not eating well.
I promise, he won’t be bf forever. There is an emotional component that ff mothers dont always understand.