Let's write an awful children's book!

Living Princess ↓

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 12:50 pm

They jumped on the table
As hard as they were able
Then the took the broom
And went boom boom
Banging on the landlord's head
Just to get him out of his bed
He came banging on the door
And gave a mighty roar!
Your dysfunctional kids
Are worse than aphids,
Pack up your stuff,
I've hade enough!
I'm giving ONE day,
To move far away!

amother

↑ Catmint ↓

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 12:53 pm

As long as you're happy you really should know
That joy's the ingredient to flourish and grow
What needs adjustment is the expectation
That you busy yourself avoiding provocation!

amother

↑ DarkOrange ↓

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 12:54 pm

Living Princess wrote:

They jumped on the table
As hard as they were able
Then the took the broom
And went boom boom
Banging on the landlord's head
Just to get him out of his bed
He came banging on the door
And gave a mighty roar!
Your dysfunctional kids
Are the worst little yids,
Pack up your stuff,
I've hade enough!
I'm giving ONE day,
To move far away!

So they went on a boat
And they went on a car
And the car then broke down
So they had to walk far
With boxes and bundles
Of worldly possessions
They switched to learning
A different lesson
"It's gam zu letovah!"
They cried in unision
"Our landlord's ire
Caused perspective revision
Let's travel by pony!
By ferris wheel! By goat!
And we'll get there somehow
Singing songs from our throats!"

amother

↑ Catmint ↓

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 12:58 pm

And this filled them with hope and with joy and with dance
They jiggled down street singing songs, holding hands
Til they reached a large body of water so deep
And started to tire from hours without sleep!

↑ Living Princess

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 1:00 pm

And before they could blink
Along came a mink
Just kidding it was a fox
No I mean an ox
Sorry I'm all mixed up
Maybe it was a pup
But actually I really meant
A giant ELEPHANT!
They all climbed on its back,
As he took them along a track,
Into a great big jungle,
Wow, what a jumble

amother

↑ DarkOrange ↓

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 1:03 pm

Living Princess wrote:

And the elephant spoke
In a deep and wise voice
"Children, you know,
You always have a choice"
So they sat there and wrote
Long apology letters
To disgruntled Mr. Landlord
They were promising better
And a mail delivery guy
Mysteriously materialized
And whisked off their letters
Before their very eyes

PinkFridge ↓

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 1:05 pm

And Michal dear Michal the Middos Maidel
Met them where they were so she went under the table.
And it didn't take long before she surrendered
And fled from the Mitzvah Kinder dismembered.

amother

↑ Catmint ↓

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 1:07 pm

They wrote and they wrote
They put paper to pen
They felt so remorseful
They sobbed with repent
The sister and brother
Began to comprehend
They looked at each other
Feeling this was the end
Of reckless behavior
And lack of forethought
They brainstormed ideas
For the path that they sought.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 1:09 pm

When the mailman returned they were shocked
Because he had not a letter but a mobile home padlocked
And the doors opened of their own accord,
Behold! It was their landlord!

"Children I am so very impressed
That you are sorry and you learned the way to behave that is best.
I want to reward you for the goodness you have shown
So here is a place to live of your very own!

This way in case you ever can't stop
And bang on the floors with a broom or a mop
It won't bother me, and you'll have a chance to say
That it's time to do Teshuvah right away!"

amother

↑ DarkOrange ↓

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 1:11 pm

So ended the next book in the releases
"Menashe and Daniella Learn About Leases"
And the cycle was set to begin again anew
As Mom wondered what was up with her crew

amother

↑ Catmint ↓

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 1:14 pm

Was she as confused as I am about this plot?
I thought responsibility was the topic-but now its not
We're off to find out about the states's regulations
For driving toyotas, hondas and stations.

amother

↑ DarkOrange ↓

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 1:17 pm

amother Catmint wrote:

Was she as confused as I am about this plot?
I thought responsibility was the topic-but now its not
We're off to find out about the states's regulations
For driving toyotas, hondas and stations.

('Twas apartment leases that I intended
Though automobiles could also be recommended
Feel free to scribe tales of horror and woe
Of the terrible two and how fast they can go)

amother

Beige

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 1:17 pm

As they got older, life threw them some bumps
Daniella got a special ed degree, Menashe hung out with some chumps
Although Daniella was working, in school, doing chesed, and was really great
She was a victim of a system that left her without a date
Menashe, on the other hand, was a bum without a plan
Yet he had a list of girls lined up, around the block it ran
Daniella could also cook, you should try her soup of carrot pea!
Menashe... not so much. He sure could use some therapy
Yet admitting any faults was not something that's "done"
So his wife found out the hard way... and at that point, she couldn't run
But of course they had "full support", Menashe's wallet does always jingle
And what happened to Daniella? Of course. You guessed it. She's still single

WitchKitty

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 1:21 pm

And Menashe went out
To see how devout
His twin sister Daniella would be

Daniella was praying
and never straying
So let's learn from her you and me!

amother

↑ Catmint

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 1:21 pm

amother DarkOrange wrote:

('Twas apartment leases that I intended
Though automobiles could also be recommended
Feel free to scribe tales of horror and woe
Of the terrible two and how fast they can go)

Love it!

No need to lease a home if one was just given
Instead they can drive instead of being driven
Woohoo! to control the speed and where to
This is the day we were waiting to pursue!

amother

Sage

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 1:21 pm

This thread is amazing!
The only critique I have is that in terrible children’s books, the characters names must rhyme (Mimi and simi, kalmy and zalmy) or at least begin with the same letter (baruch and Benny)

amother

↑ DarkOrange ↓

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 1:24 pm

amother Catmint wrote:

Love it!

No need to lease a home if one was just given
Instead they can drive instead of being driven
Woohoo! to control the speed and where to
This is the day we were waiting to pursue!

The title was retroactively naming
The previous narrative, 'bout landlord gaming.
What the next shall be called remains to be seen
What will be the next antics of Drama King and Queen?

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 1:25 pm

amother Sage wrote:

Since the proof was so clear, with her parents' support
Daniella showed up in court
At first the judge thought she was deranged
When she explained the reason for her name to be changed
But finally he agreed, he was a fine fella
And now she is known as Michaela.

amother

↑ DarkOrange

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 1:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ooh, now, that is a plot twist so deep.
So Michal the Middos Maidel she was in her sleep?
Her alter ego who we've sometimes seen?
Split personality? or time machine?