If you serve only challah, dips, and cholent for lunch

amother

OP ↓

Sun, May 07 2023, 8:49 am

This is in the guest section for a reason. Before I start, I want to be clear, this post is not talking about Israel or other communities where it's typical and expected to serve challah, dips, and cholent and nothing else for shabbos lunch.

If your typical shabbos lunch seuda is the above, no fish, nothing other than challah, some dips (not salads), and a cholent, and you do this because that is what your family loves, that's great! Do what works for you and your family!

If that's your typical and you are having guests, PLEASE consider adding to the menu. I and many other people don't or cant fill up on challah and dips. There are so many reasons a person would only have the minimum amount of challah, some health related, some preference. And not everyone likes cholent.

I see here and on FB all the time, hosts asking for menu advice and people suggest "lots of challah and dips".

Can I tell you how awkward it is to have just a small amount of challah because otherwise I'm too full to eat anything else, and then the next course is a small pot of cholent? I can't go back and eat more challah because it's been cleared from the table. And a helping of cholent is not enough, so I go home and find something pareve to eat.

As a mother, I always have something for my family to eat at home, because when we are invited out, we go for the company and not for the food. So if the meal is not our taste, it's totally fine because we have food at home.

But not everyone does what I do. It's really just about being the kind of host who thinks ahead and is contentious of the fact that challah and dips is not a course everyone will eat, and tries to have options for their guests.

So I guess this is a PSA. Please, if you are hosting, consider serving a few other things aside from the dips and cholent. Maybe a green salad, maybe grilled chicken or deli, maybe rice?

mommy3b2c ↓

Sun, May 07 2023, 8:56 am

I agree with you. To me it’s very surprising how little people serve for guests . When guests come you should be serving fish and dips and salads and lots of challah on the table for the WHOLE meal. And cholent and eggs and meat and chicken and kugels and cold cuts , etc. It’s socially off to invite people and not serve food . Getting my shield to block the tomatoes 🍅

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, May 07 2023, 9:09 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Or… let them know before they accept the invitation.

A few weeks ago, I was still “recovering” from making all of pesach, and I could not look at what we (my family) consider to be traditional food. I planned a full fleishig but non-traditional shabbos lunch. A friend asked if her family could join us for lunch and I told her we’d love to have them, but the menu is XYZ, would they still like to come. I also do this if we are having a more simple and small meal and somebody invited themselves for the meal, I will tell them. I am happy for them to join, but it is a very simple meal that week. I let them know so they can plan or decline. If I invite someone, I make a ton. If someone invites themselves, I will usually make a little bit more, but if I’m not up to it and plan to serve very simple, I’ll let them know at least.

amother

Dandelion ↓

Sun, May 07 2023, 9:16 am

Whatever happened to "when you're a guest, you eat what you're served and you leave your pickiness at home?". Don't like cholent? Eat it anyway. It won't kill you to eat something you don't like. If your medical condition imposes dietary restrictions, it's your responsibility to let your host know, not your host's responsibility to gaze into a crystal ball and divine it. Nor is it the host's responsibility to provide a broad array of foods in the hopes of hitting upon something that suits your picky taste.

amother

Latte

Sun, May 07 2023, 9:26 am

I think you can serve a simple shabbos but there need to be enough options for someone who needs to be pareve or healthy to eat.

I will say a few weeks ago I was a guest and I know the host specially prepared a bunch of salads and side dishes that none of us ate. I felt so bad because I know her kids don't eat it either. I told her simple for us but she said, I need to make proper for guests.

amother

Jean ↓

Sun, May 07 2023, 9:27 am

I guess I hear what you are saying although I cannot relate. I'm in Israel and I have never been invited anywhere there wasn't enough food - if anything people usually make too much. Granted, I never invite myself anywhere so I guess our hosts are always ready for us.
My basic Shabbat for my family is quite abundant and varied, even more so for guests.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, May 07 2023, 9:28 am

amother Dandelion wrote:

Most of us were raised to be polite and not fill up on challah and dips as to leave room for the next course. The next course comes and it is one bowl of cholent for an entire table.

This is not an issue of being picky, this is a hosting problem. If you were going to invite guests to your house, you need to make sure you have enough food.

Amarante ↓

Sun, May 07 2023, 9:36 am

amother Dandelion wrote:

I didnt interpret any of the people as being picky eaters but that their expectation is that when they are invited for the meal, that a standard meal would be served which generally includes some kind of food in addition to the cholent.

The OP was saying that because she had assumed there would be an additional amount of food, you didn't stuff herself on challah and dips and then when she discovered that it was only a small amount of cholent, it was too late because all of the challah and dips had been removed.

I interpreted it meaning anything additional in terms of food would have been fine - not that she was expecting a gourmet repast - ie chicken salad; or tuna salad or the equivalent would have been fine but literally she was hungry because she hadn't filled up on dip and challah because she was saving her appetite.

Again she was very careful to preface it by saying that in her community just serving dips and challah is not the normal expectation.

shabbatiscoming ↓

Sun, May 07 2023, 9:42 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

No tomatoes, but that is a LOOOT of food. Nobody we have ever been guests at have served so much food.
Not everyone does fish. Some fo dips. Some do no first coursr. Nothing wrong. Different strokes for different folks.
And so many basari choices, thats also a personal preference. Not everyone does that.

I think its fine to serve one main dish. But you have to have enough of it to go around.

amother

Lightyellow ↓

Sun, May 07 2023, 9:50 am

amother OP wrote:

Is the issue the quantity of cholent? Or if there would be a bounty of cholent, it still wouldn't be good? In your OP, you said that "not everyone likes cholent," which suggests that even if there was far more than enough to go around, you'd still want something other than cholent for the main course.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, May 07 2023, 9:56 am

amother Lightyellow wrote:

What I’m trying to say is that most of us were raised in such a way that we know it is not polite to fill up on challah. And a host should plan that their guests have at least one alternative option. At the bare minimum, a host should assume that’s a polite guest will not fill up on challah and plan accordingly for the main.

amother

Clover

Sun, May 07 2023, 9:58 am

I always serve a fish course in addition to a main course, per DHs requirement for each Seuda. But I just have to say that DH also often will bring home unexpected guests who do not have a meal. Or I will get a notice on Friday afternoon after I have done my shopping that someone is coming. I always try to be prepared for either scenario, and I try to keep canned veggies and other things to pull out for some variety, but sometimes I don't have much to fall back on.

If I'm inviting a family I for sure prepare other things.

LovesHashem ↓

Sun, May 07 2023, 10:11 am

amother Dandelion wrote:

Wow. Are we really forcing people to eat now?

Listen if someone is picky and has a huge list of things they won't eat, I hear. But having only one dish basically (cholent) is so wrong and socially off. Would you invite someone for a weekday dinner and just serve chicken with no side dishes or anything?

lamplighter ↓

Sun, May 07 2023, 10:13 am

A lot of this is about community norms. Does a person NEED dish and salads and sides and 2 main options? Of course not. We don't eat this way during the week. However if the norm is to serve a certain amount or in a certain manner, than a host should deliver a disclaimer if they are doing otherwise.
We have friends who sometimes do a dairy shabbos lunch, when they invite anyone they make sure to tell them. Same concept.

amother

Peony ↓

Sun, May 07 2023, 10:15 am

In my circles it's the norm to serve just cholent as the main. And I haven't met anyone who doesn't eat cholent.

I'm happy this is the way it is, because otherwise I would never be able to have guests.

I had guests Shabbos morn and this is what I served:
challah
dips
egg
liver
salad
cold cuts
cholent

And this is considered a perfectly respectable menu in my parts. Even if I would omitted the liver it would have fine as well.

amother

Hunter

Sun, May 07 2023, 10:17 am

Is it an ashkenaz thing to only serve one dish? Never heard of that in my life or seen it before bh...
We make salatim and challah with an appetizer (fish, or borekas or a chicken patee dish I make), main course is dafina with chicken and potatoes and rice of some sort or london broil etc

Salatim are usually the basic 8 I do more most weeks since my husband likes it: chumus, tachina, chatzilim, homemade pickles, matbucha, cole slaw, corn salad, moroccan carrots, beet salad...