Ami serial by Riva Pomerantz Take 2

bearwithme ↓

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 7:20 pm

They go to a (male) therapist who asks them to describe their feelings about marriage, why they got married, what they expect from it, and Miri is all, "To build a home and family and develop relationships like the Torah tells us to..." and Aryeh's like, "Because that's what everyone else does."
His father is abusive and aloof but his mother is really a sick narcissist. How are the other kids not being affected to the point that they would be acting out in school or running to their friends all the time? Ok maybe the neighbors don't notice that the married son is always at his parents' house without his wife but how do they not hear the yelling?
Mrs. Teigman is such a nice character, I wish she would become friends with Miri's mother and maybe somehow be reconciled with her kids. (Maybe one of them works with Nechama!)

amother

↑ Nemesia ↓

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 7:34 pm

I thought this week was very good (not gonna spoil what happened becuz I know some ppl wait till Shabbos to read it). However, I will say, I don't see Aryeh ever realizing how unhealthy his relationship with his mother or ever learning how to build a healthy relationship with a wife. It will take a very long time to undo his maladaptive behaviors and I don't see a quick resolution of his issues. He is so enmeshed with his mother and entrenched in his way of thinking that I don't see him ever coming out of it. I don't think Miri should stay with him.

↑ bearwithme

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 8:05 pm

"I don't think Miri should stay with him."
Yeah but she'd never be convinced that it wasn't her own failings that broke up the marriage, she'd blame herself for the rest of her life. So let's hope Aryeh does realize that being Mommy's little helper all his life is not normal.
Looks like the story is finally starting to pick up.

amother

Sage ↓

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 9:07 pm

As someone that has a very similar life story to Aryeh I have to hand it to Riva Pomerantz. She has it down pat detail by detail. If anyone needs first hand explanation I can explain based on what we've been though.

-Father is complicated personality disorder type but is seen as a gd like charming man in the community

-terror reigns in the home

-wife not knowing how to handle it and never being believed when she does speak up, turns co -dependent

-some children in turn join the codependency and become angelic saviors and parentified to the max believing their role is to rescue and keep the peace

-codependent parentified child gets married and is haunted and torn by all his roles and begins to crumble. He doesn't want to suck in his innocent wife into the dysfunction but he begins to cave slowly slowly from all pressure of holding up his parents home and pleasing a wife and all he's been through.

-Wife is a weaker nature that doesn't know how to put her foot down and the cycle of abuse just gets passed down generation after generation.

-Victims turn to abusers and abusers look like victims. Ppl look on from the outside and cant make sense of what seems to be happening to the family. Heartbreaking is an understatement.

Can't Believe It

I've watched this all first hand in my family and I have to say its very healing to read such a story. For years I thought we were the only ones... Crying

amother

↑ Oatmeal ↓

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 9:27 pm

amother Sage wrote:

I've watched this all first hand in my family and I have to say its very healing to read such a story. For years I thought we were the only ones... Crying

Really? Wow and here I thought she was being dramatic and writing another overblown jewish story that makes me want to slap the characters silly

amother

↑ Blushpink ↓

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 4:21 am

amother Sage wrote:

I've watched this all first hand in my family and I have to say its very healing to read such a story. For years I thought we were the only ones... Crying

I’m sorry for what you’ve been through…

How old were you when you realized the dysfunction?
It sounds like some of your siblings are with you and some are not…
Did all your siblings end up getting married?

amother

↑ Sage ↓

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 7:08 am

amother Blushpink wrote:

I knew our situation wasn't normal ever since I was tiny. Obviously kids that are forced to grow up too soon are very aged and aware of human suffering by time they hit their 20s...

my sibs are mostly married. Majority of us had seeked out help at one pnt or the other... Mostly when our own marriages and inner worlds began to come apart. Some have struggled through addiction, depression and anxiety or chronic illness, and yidishkeit struggles. Some have been more resilient than others.

The fascinating (and horrific) part is on the outside we are a "perfect prestigious family" more or less. Beautiful pretty and put together on the outside. Which makes it harder and more painful cuz ppl never believed us when we did try to reach out as children.

amother

Puce ↓

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 7:22 am

amother Sage wrote:

I've watched this all first hand in my family and I have to say its very healing to read such a story. For years I thought we were the only ones... Crying

Same 100%! Didn't read this week's yet but last week's was so satisfying to read, I wish my family would go to therapy like that. Just me and my husband unfortunately, everyone else is caught in the cycle of dysfunction...

amother

↑ Blushpink ↓

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 8:14 am

amother Sage wrote:

How does your husband and your siblings spouses handle this situation?
Did they know anything at all before?

amother

↑ Sage ↓

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 8:17 am

amother Blushpink wrote:

How does your husband and your siblings spouses handle this situation?
Did they know anything at all before?

Some were wise and strong enough to seek out help for their spouses and themselves. And some are just adding another link in the chain of generational dysfunction.

amother

Emerald

Sat, Nov 26 2022, 10:26 pm

amother Honey wrote:

What happened this week?

Aryeh is mad about meeting the therapist and refuses to go again.
The couple have a conversation/argument that is riveting and through their conversation at home after therapy, it is uncovered that Aryeh believes a mother and child should be super close and connected and spouses should keep their distance- also confirms that his parents fight and he's close to his mother because of that- and that he believes that's how it should be with his son and wife.

amother

Peru ↓

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 8:27 pm

amother Oatmeal wrote:

Really? Wow and here I thought she was being dramatic and writing another overblown jewish story that makes me want to slap the characters silly

Sadly, it's more common than you probably think. Be grateful that you're ignorant, but the story is at all not exaggerated.