Help me understand this...

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 10:42 pm

I dont want to say im struggling with infertility since it hasnt been many months were trying but every cycle feels like forever and its just constant waiting game.

Why is it that when someone is struggling with something they're super tznius and private and sensitive about it and never speak about it? And then when they receive the yeshua they're so the total opposite?

maybe I should delete instagram during this time because im just annoyed by stupid stuff people post. but I also learn a lot through instagram I follow a lot of parenting accounts and found a few courses through there....

amother

Milk

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 10:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

There are a few accounts I can think of of people documenting their infertility journey
One is chez chaya
Also tamar berger ben tzvi, shes super super real and inspiring

amother

Oldlace ↓

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 10:58 pm

Because it's difficult to be struggling, but beautiful when HaShem opens a path. It isn't tzniut to hide good news, as long as it's shared sensitively- especially something that can create hope and emunah. Unfollow people who trigger you.
I'm sorry you're struggling, I struggled for a year before conceiving my first. But really, really- everything happens in the right time.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 9:56 am

Ema of 4 wrote:

I have no idea to whom you are referring, or if you are referring to anyone in particular, but very often people will be told to publicize their yeshua.

I think theres a difference between publicizing and then making reels about being pregnant and always referencing a pregnancy

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 9:57 am

amother Oldlace wrote:

I dont think most people share their news sensitively.
I have to just unfollow this one specific person. But I love her content and think she does a lot of good

↑ Ema of 5

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 10:40 am

amother OP wrote:

I think theres a difference between publicizing and then making reels about being pregnant and always referencing a pregnancy

I don’t understand what this means. What are reels, and what does always referencing a pregnancy mean?

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 10:48 am

amother OP wrote:

I think theres a difference between publicizing and then making reels about being pregnant and always referencing a pregnancy

Op, if these things bother you, get off social media.
I am beyond grateful that when I was pregnant there was nothing like the social media there is today.

But I just want to say that sharing an infertility joutney, weather on social media or with people in real life, is not not tzanua. Therr is nothing immodest about sharing. Its fine. As is sharing when your struggle is over.

amother

↑ Oldlace

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 10:51 am

If you're referring to Instagrammers, that's their job. She can do whatever she wants on her platform. It isn't like a friend being insensitive. You can unfollow if you no longer resonate with her content.
Reels are a style of video on Instagram.

amother

Dustypink ↓

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 11:22 am

I think there’s a way to do it.
But personally, when I see a woman who has gone through infertility posting about her pregnancy I love it. I’m so happy for that woman. There is one person I have in mind and when she posted that she’s pregnant I actually started crying.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 1:35 pm

How do people feel so comfortable posting their lives to the world?
Maybe bc Im such a private person or overly sensitive but I just cant resonate when people blab about their lives or "share" their simchas

Like an example if someone posted "omg im so tired from this pregnancy and morning sickness is killing me but I want to share this new company with u guys!!" couldnt they have just said ""sorry for the delay can I share this new company with u guys..."

amother

DarkCyan

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 1:40 pm

OP, I know who you’re talking about and I’m struggling with infertility and feel the same way as you. It could be we’re just hyper aware because of our situations, but I think I’m going to unfollow her for the next while for my own mental health.

amother

Iris

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 2:18 pm

I think I know who you're referring to. I've unfollowed her because it wasn't helpful for my feed. But she happens to have had an amazing story and lots of haters due to all the good she has done. She spoke about it on her podcast ave it's very inspiring. I know it can sting to see it but maybe listen to her story and it might show another angle to you

amother

↑ Dustypink

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 2:23 pm

The example of her complaining about how she feels?
I would love seeing that. Makes her more human. Makes me feel like someone else gets it. Etc.
To each their own. You might decide to do something else and not share the way she does but that doesn’t make it wrong.
I hear the sensitivity of tznius/privacy but if she chose to display it it’s her own choice.
In my opinion not tznius would be someone saying ‘omg last night my husband bought me flowers and I love him so much and he’s so good looking and he told me he finds me attractive’.

amother

↑ OP

Fri, Sep 30 2022, 3:38 pm

I unfollowed her.

I think in general my "rant" applies to all bloggers/people giving unnecessary information.
Our speech is so powerful people dont think how others will perceive what they have to say.

I had a class in seminary that I think about to this day (8 years later!)... the teacher tied it to yaakov and leah and rachel....dont remember how exactly lol. but it was the idea to not give "extra" information over that might cause someone pain. the example the teacher gave was as follows: your friend calls you to go out for coffee one evening. you could say "let me see if my husband is going to be home from night seder so I can see if I have the car" OR just keep it simple and say "let me see if I have the car ill get back to you"- you're saying the exact same thing except the part about your husband learning in nigh seder. why would u say something that the listener could potentially be upset about? what if she starts thinking "wait, my husband doesnt learn night seder thats so not fair"

this lesson applies to anything in life... I try not to say "extra" info thats going to cause others pain. if im talking to my single friend I dont say hi now is not a good time to talk my baby is awake. ill say instead hey let me call u when I can focus more I cant wait to catch up

I just dont understand why this type of thought process isnt a given. And I see it all over instagram by people who I think in general give off an amazing image of kindness and chessed. especially if you have a big following.