Yeshiva Kol Torah - Rabbi Schwartz, Lakewood

amother

↑ Lime

Fri, Apr 08 2022, 8:25 am

So can you take your ex to court to get access to school information? If the kids live with him the school probably thinks they need to listen to what he says. They probably don’t want to get involved and since they deal with your ex in person this path makes more sense to them. You need a good lawyer.

Notsobusy

Fri, Apr 08 2022, 8:58 am

beadazzled wrote:

Just clarifying I am not generalizing Lakewood. I am just wondering as Lakewood is foreign to me and I don't know how things work. I am divorced but have joint legal custody and am 100% entitled to my son's educational information. My ex is an eyd sheker and is spreading false information about me. The school knows I am entitled to information but are ignoring me completely. I would hate to have to go to the media and make a chillul Hashem but desperate times call for desperate measures.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Can you get your lawyer to write a letter stating that you have joint custody and that you have legal rights to this information? That might scare them into talking to you.

Going to the media will hurt your son and will destroy your relationship with the school forever. You need to figure out a less aggressive way to deal with this but still be heard.

I hope you can resolve this easily.

↑ Chayalle

Fri, Apr 08 2022, 10:30 am

beadazzled wrote:

Your first post definitely gives off vibes against all of us in Lakewood, calling us "frummer" and a boosha, referencing us as a community. And should you go to the media, you can bet they are not interested in a single institution and its issues, but rather a whole community bashing fest and a chilul Hashem. That is what would result from any such action. So it most definitely feels like you are generalizing Lakewood here.

kollel_wife

Fri, Apr 08 2022, 11:23 am

Hi. I have lived in Lakewood for many years. Most large schools are very organized regarding homework and contact with teachers and principals. There may be some that are a bit less organized or a key staff member may have just left, leaving a void. In this case it does sound like there is another reason. If the school is concerned about violating agreements, they may be confused, afraid of getting in trouble, etc, and thus avoided responding to you. I think a letter from a lawyer, should prove you have the right to speak to the principal, rebbe, etc. If your ex has already biased them against you, you are going to find they will be uncomfortable speaking to you. You will need to make extra effort to come across as an agreeable, easy to deal with, and concerned parent. I'm trying to see things from an objective point of view as much as I can, and this is what I'm coming up with. Much hatzlocho.

cnc

Fri, Apr 08 2022, 12:16 pm

kollel_wife wrote:

I agree. Or you can just show them the divorce agreement/ stipulation showing that you share custody .

amother

Strawberry

Fri, Apr 08 2022, 12:34 pm

My sons' rebbeim in another school call me with any updates and concerns. As all the other posters said, this is not a Lakewood issue, but an issue with your school, or maybe just your particular situation.

I have found that setting up a meeting with the principal usually helps with getting a point across. Hopefully the secretary can arrange it for you. Don't be accusatory in the meeting, just say you care about your child and his chinuch and would like to know how you can be more involved. Explain that information your ex receives is not relayed to you, and you would like to receive updates directly. Perhaps they need custody information, to let them know which parent will be doing homework and sending them off to school.

Hatzlocha

mha3484

Fri, Apr 08 2022, 12:45 pm

I agree with everyone. I am not in Lakewood but my kids school is heavily influenced by a lot of Lakewood ideas and norms. I talk to my sons rebbeim constantly. There is a really sad situation now with a boy in the class who needs a major refuah and I had a long conversation with the assistant menahel about some aspects of how its being relayed to the boys not only did he listen to me but he said I was correct.

I had a few experiences earlier in an older Childs school career where I learned that you get more flies with honey. I lost my temper with the menahel a few times and I was in theory correct but I could have expressed myself so much better. I was too wrapped up in my emotions. When I realized this and I changed tactics I saw a lot of changes in how the school communicates with me and how I communicate with them. Now I do the sandwich method, say something nice say what my issue is and say something nice again. Works so much better.

amother

Crocus

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 2:43 pm

I just came across this thread.
I’m not sure how much you know about schools in Lakewood but this particular school is one of the smallest and generally takes in boys who aren’t able to get in anywhere else. There are a few exceptions. Most of the rebbeim are kind hearted and some English teachers might not be very experienced but they do their job as best as they can.
There is no administration in this school. It is being run by heshy Schwartz. He does not always appear to be emotionally stable. If you want to find out how your son is doing, why don’t you ask his teacher??? Who else would know? Leave a message with the secretary for the Rebbi or English teacher to call you. There is no administration. There are no parallel classes. There is only one small class per grade. You have chosen the smallest boys Yeshiva in lakewood. Almost anyone can get in as heshy Schwartz is not very particular with who he takes in as long as he can fill up a class.
It sounds to me that your son doesn’t live with you and you don’t know what’s going on with the school. I’m not sure if you even realize what type of school this is. Education wise it’s okay. The boys will learn if they are well behaved but you have to realize that most boys there are from homes with issues or the boy himself has issues. You want to know what they are learning in math and science? Just ask the teacher! I don’t see why you can’t ask. What kind of messages are you leaving and who did you think would call you back?
You appear to have your own personal issues and although you’re right about your son not being in the best school, you really can’t badmouth the teachers there who try their best.

↑ beadazzled

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 4:09 pm

amother, everyone has their own personal issues, so thank you for that. My issue is that in NY, I won sole custody of my children after a lengthy custody battle. My ex moved to Toms River after losing in NY. He was an eid sheker, lied to the authorities about me and has temporary physical custody of the kids at the moment because of his lies. My children went from a modern orthodox, Zionistic co-ed school that had nearly 1,000 students and 4 classes per grade, to schools that barely have any students, teachers that are barely out of high school and can't spell (Bais Yaakov), and Kol Yaakov where they don't return my calls. I don't have the phone numbers of the teachers. For years, I have been used to knowing what my children are learning, going to PTA, knowing their friends and teachers etc. I was always very involved in my kids education. Now, I have been completely shut out. Lakewood/Yeshivish world is foreign to me. I am more Y.U./Young Israel type. My children's past school treated divorced parents like human beings, sending report cards etc.. to both sets of parents. I am frustrated at having been shut out. I wanted to email the teacher and supposedly there is one email that goes to the school. I emailed repeatedly, zero responses. I'm just disappointed and frustrated at being ignored. I have 50% legal custody (in NY, 100% legal custody), and am 100% entitled to information that I request.. I'm devastated that my children have to go to schools that are meant for rejected kids or kids with issues.

amother

Ecru

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 4:23 pm

The email probably goes to the office secretary and not the teachers. That’s how it works in my kids’ schools. To talk to the teachers I call the office and leave a message that the teacher should call me back. But I wonder if you should be having a formal meeting with the school administration and a liaison so you get on the same page and they understand that you need to be kept in the loop.

My relatives went through a custody situation and it was very difficult getting their kid’s school to communicate with them. They sent their next kid to a different school and it went better. I don’t know anything about this specific school but some schools are better with these things and the original one they sent to was impossible. And it’s a big school in town with a great reputation, so you just never know how it will turn out

amother

Moonstone

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 6:45 pm

Maybe your ex told the school that they cant talk to you. My dh worked in a camp office and they had a list ofboys from divorsed homes and if the child was not allowed to have contact/given any information about the child. If your ex managed to convince courts to give him temporary custody he could have done that as well.