Friday night, do you let your kids stay up?

marina ↓

Fri, May 02 2008, 9:55 am

I don't know if this topic was discussed before so bear with me.

My husband would like to let the kids stay up Friday night for the meal. He sees this as important in their chinuch. But our chabad shul doesn't take shabbos in early. So by the time my husband comes home from shul and we get going, it will be between 9:30 and 10pm. My kids are between 10 and 2 and I usually just feed them supper at 6 pm and make sure they are all in bed by 9. Regardless of when they go to bed, the little ones will be up by 7 at the latest.

So I am wondering what those of you with young kids do about this. Do you let them stay up and are they cranky and tired the next day and how do you deal with that? Do you make them take naps on Friday? Do they stay up for the whole meal or just kiddush?

Koshermomma

Fri, May 02 2008, 10:07 am

When my kids were little - probably up to age 4 or 5, I would make them take a nap, or at least have some downtime. I would feed them a snack when they woke up, so they weren't starving, but were still hungry when we sat down to eat. They could stay up as late as they wanted - at some point during the meal, they would get their crib blankets (even though they had outgrown them!) and their pillows, lay down on the floor at the end of the table, and fall asleep listening to us talk and sing. When we finished the meal, we would carry them to bed. Friday night was something they looked forward to. Shabbos afternoon we all took naps (still do, even though they are older now!), so no one was the worse for wear. My shul starts Shabbos at 7 the latest, so by the time we sit down it is close to 8:45.

mummy-bh

Fri, May 02 2008, 10:11 am

I give everyone supper also at around 5.30, which is their normal time to eat. They have the main course from the friday night seuda. Then after that, it depends on the age of the child. The babies (13months) will be in bed before shabbos, my 3 y.o dd will bench licht and very likely go to bed soon after. I do like for them to at least be at the table for kiddush, but we are very laid-back about shabbos bedtimes, so most weeks we have most of the kids at the whole meal. If I can see that someone is acting tired I send them to bed. Almost every week one or two of the kids will fall asleep on the couch (or the floor!) and that's fine too.

Most weeks my oldest 3 (ages 11, 9 and 8) wiil be reading downstairs long after I've gone to bed!!

greenfire ↓

Fri, May 02 2008, 10:48 am

I think in the summers it becomes all too hard even for me to stay up so late ... I hate waiting in between the time shabbos starts and when shul is over ... so since you do not start shabbos early I would stick to regular bedtimes - or going to bed shortly after kiddush ...

GetReal ↓

Fri, May 02 2008, 10:54 am

As little kids, my mother would have me light candles early, then me and my brothers would have our grape juice and challah and eat and go to bed. Now, my younger siblings come to the Shabbos meal and fall asleep one by one. I'm not sure which way is better. DS is 7 months, so I have time to decide.

↑ Ruchel ↓

Fri, May 02 2008, 10:57 am

GetReal wrote:

Ruchel, many little kids will wake up at the same time every day, regardless of when they went to sleep.

oh? thanks, I didn't know. My dd doesn't even wake up at the same time when she goes to bed normally lol
But BH she sleeps well and a lot at night.

drumjj ↓

Fri, May 02 2008, 11:03 am

my kids wake up btw 5.30 and six everyday whatever time I put them to sleep so no way are they staying up for late shabboses.

↑ Ruchel ↓

Fri, May 02 2008, 11:05 am

drumjj wrote:

my kids wake up btw 5.30 and six everyday whatever time I put them to sleep so no way are they staying up for late shabboses.

oh yeah you're right! Even if say you would put them to sleep at 1 am they would wake up the same?

Tehilla ↓

Fri, May 02 2008, 11:09 am

95% of the time my kids also wake up at the exact same time no matter when they sleep. only extreme occasions like seder night will they sleep in the next day.

they usually go to bed on Friday nights at their normal time. although, my 3.5 year old is getting older and we've negotiated a happy compromise for both of us. if she takes a good nap on Friday afternoons, she's allowed to stay up until soup course on Fridays. otherwise, bedtime as usual.

↑ drumjj ↓

Fri, May 02 2008, 11:24 am

yes ruchel on pesach they went to bed at eleven thirty during the seder and still woke up at six so it makes no difference and then they are just grouchy and horrible all day its not worth my while. in the winter in let them stay up but on long shabboses in england no way is it happening

yersp

Fri, May 02 2008, 11:47 am

I guess my kids are different!! The later they go to sleep, the earlier they will get up, but that only works till 11 at night. Their usual bedtime is between 6:30 & 7:30 and they're up by 7. For each half hour later I put them to sleep (especially DD) she'll get up a half hour earlier. However, if she goes to sleep later than 11, she'll sleep in an hour later. Weird, I know!!
I would love for her to be awake for the seuda, however, she hates taking naps and is soo nutty and drives everyone insane by 8 oclock. So what I usually do is feed her at 6. Fish, challah & grape juice. I let her see me tzind licht and about half hour after licht bentching she'll go to sleep. If she does me a favor and naps in the afternoon, she gets to stay up for the sueda.

Squash ↓

Fri, May 02 2008, 12:01 pm

we usually all nap on friday afernoon, so everyone gets to stay up for the seuda.

maybe now that that the weekly friday visits to the grandparents are starting again and they won't get to nap it'll be different.

I'm thinking we'll just play it by ear. probably the two older ones will stay up for the entire meal and the younger ones will go to bed at some point.

↑ marina

Fri, May 02 2008, 12:18 pm

Thanks for your responses everyone. Mandating naptime is rarely feasible because I work on Fridays and it is hectic by the time I come home. It would also be helpful if you post whether you are chabad and whether your shul takes in shabbos early in your responses, because I hope to show this thread to dh and come up with some compromise solutions. He seems to think everyone in chabad lets their kids stay up, no matter how old they are and the moms just deal with the fall out somehow. I am open to ideas, but not really to dealing with very cranky children each and every Shabbos morning.

↑ Tehilla

Fri, May 02 2008, 12:24 pm

we are Chabad, and if you look in the other thread about bringing in Shabbos early you will see my responses there. I can tell you that it very much depends on the kids' personalities and family style as to whether or not they stay up late. not everyone does it.

if it is a very big problem, just ask a Rav if there are any viable alternatives for you.

yo'ma ↓

Fri, May 02 2008, 12:24 pm

Ruchel wrote:

If they go to bed later, can't they get up later?

I know everybody responded already, but when I read this, I couldn't help laughing (nothing derogatory towards you, Ruchel).

↑ Ruchel

Fri, May 02 2008, 12:27 pm

yo'ma wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

If they go to bed later, can't they get up later?

I know everybody responded already, but when I read this, I couldn't help laughing (nothing derogatory towards you, Ruchel).

Well, since my dd does it, I just asked.

↑ Squash

Fri, May 02 2008, 12:29 pm

yeah ruchel - enjoy it

those were the days.....

when my 1 and 2 year olds would sleep for 12 hours straight, no matter when we'd put them to bed. if we had a late night and they went to bed 12 am on motzei shabbos - no sweat. we knew they'd sleep till 12 the next day.

↑ drumjj

Fri, May 02 2008, 12:51 pm

were chabad marina my husband davens early because the community we live in brings in shabbos early. the whole city does and I still put my kids to bed as we dont eat till at least nine o clock and they usually go to bed btw six thirty and seven. I think it totally depends on ur children but sometimes it not worth ur wife if they are grouchy is it.